Fatty
by kitkat681
Summary: Edward Cullen can't find something that's very important to him...his wang. But that's what happens when you are 363 pounds. Bella Swan is his only chance to live a real life and find what's missing and so much more. No angst, a tiny bit of drama. Rated M
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This first chapter is like an introduction of sorts. The rest of the chapters will be longer. **

**Melanie hooked me up even though her head was killing her. Damn migraines.**

**Some info at the end…**

My name is Edward Cullen…

And I'm a fatty.

I haven't always been fat.

There was a time when I was just pleasantly plump.

Husky.

But those days are long gone.

And calling me a fatty would actually be a nice change from some of the other names I've been called.

But today I am making a change.

I don't want to be fat anymore.

I'm done living my life hidden from the rest of the world.

"Inner Swan Personal Training, this is Bella. How can I help you?" A sweet voice asks as she answers the phone.

"I need to set up an appointment." I say, having to clear my throat before I speak.

Talking to people makes me nervous.

Shit, everything makes me nervous.

"Sure…I have an opening available tomorrow at eight. Would that work for you Mr…" She hedges for my name.

"Cullen. My name is Edward Cullen and that works fine." I say, desperate to get off the phone.

"Do you know where we're located?" She asks and I can hear the clicking of keys in the background.

Sounds like a Dell laptop.

I'm such a tech nerd.

"Yep…I'm all good."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." She says, her smile evident in her voice.

"Bye." I rasp and I can feel the panic attack coming on.

I hate talking to people.

I hate interacting with people.

I really just hate people…

Period.

But I hate not being able to see my cock even more.

So tomorrow starts my new life…

And I'm fucking petrified.

**Phew…**

**So yes…Fat Edward…Fattyward…I know. Rocking the boat. Don't I always do that anymore?**

**See you on Saturday for another chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So…are you ready?**

**I was originally going to do each chapter as a week in his journey…but then I realized that not much happens in a week. So please keep your eyes open so you know where we are. **

**Melanie is still keeping her opinion to herself about this one. She was worried I might (unintentionally) offend people in my portrayal of a 'fatty.' Until I reminded her that I had to have my marching band uniform specially made for me in high school since they didn't have one that would fit me. I think I can speak from experience with this Fattyward.**

**More at the bottom…**

**Week One**

**Starting Weight: 363 lbs**

The door swings open and I struggle to walk over to the desk.

There is a little silver bell next to a sign-in sheet and my hand eclipses the little chime as I hit it.

It rings loudly and I cringe.

I hate drawing attention to myself.

I hate myself.

"Hi! You must be Edward. I'm Bella." She chirps as she comes in from a door behind the desk.

She manages to keep her disgust hidden as she looks over at me.

She holds her hand out and I raise mine.

It's shaking.

Fuck…get it together Edward.

"Nice to meet you." I grunt as she shakes my hand.

Hers is so damn small.

"So how about we get started." She smiles as she pushes open a door and I waddle after her.

The gym area is smaller than I expected but it seems to be well equipped.

I'm sweating already.

She walks over to a table and takes out a folder.

She hands me some papers and I sit down and try to ignore the ominous creaking from the chair as I settle on it.

She ignores it as well.

The questions on the sheet are all about my lifestyle and eating habits.

What should I put…

I work at a computer all day and stuff my face because I'm bored and hate myself?

No…

So I am tactful as I write down that I telecommute so I never have to see anyone….

Or be seen.

There…

She looks over the sheets when I hand them back and nods.

"Okay…let's get you measured and on the scale and then we can get started."

Oh shit…

I'm glad there is no one else in the gym when she motions for me to stand up and grabs the little yellow measuring tape.

I just pray it is long enough to go around me.

She is very professional as she loops the tape around my neck and chest.

Her pen makes scratching sounds as she writes the numbers down on the paper.

I don't want to know.

I don't want to know that my neck is probably the same size as her thigh.

Shit…my thigh is probably the same size as her waist.

She has to press against me as she struggles to get the tape around my belly and I'm seriously rethinking this entire thing.

Except she smells so good.

And I don't want to go my entire life without knowing what a girl feels like as she presses against me…

Willing and naked, of course.

So I just close my eyes and wait until she's done.

"Okay, all done. Now off to the scale!" She chirps brightly.

"Do you have one for an elephant around here?" I joke because I have found it is easier to just make fun of myself before someone else does it.

"Stop." She snaps as she stops walking and looks up at me.

She is really small.

"You don't get to talk like that here. If you can't say something nice about yourself…then just keep your lips zipped." She says and I nod dumbly.

No one has ever cared about what I say about myself.

No one has ever really cared about _me _period.

I have friends.

Sort of.

I have some family.

My brother and his perfect wife who manages to make some nasty comment about me every time I see her.

My brother pretends he doesn't hear when she says something about whether or not I'll fit on the chair.

Or if there will be enough food for everyone.

Or that I better lose some weight before they have kids so I'm not a bad influence on her imaginary kids.

And I take it…

I take her words and let them feed my failure.

My disgust with myself.

And every morning when I wake up I say…

'Today I will exercise and eat better.'

And every night when I go to bed feeling disgusting cause I ate an entire bag of chips _after_ I ate a large pizza I say…

'Tomorrow is a new day.'

But if I keep going the way I am I may not have many more tomorrows.

*()*()*

The scale is in front of us now…

Staring at me.

Ready to tell me exactly how fat I really am.

She looks down at the numbers while I look at her.

She is really very beautiful.

Her long dark hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail and her sorta tight shirt is showing off some really big breasts.

Her legs are long and pale as they stick out from under her black shorts and I wonder what it would feel like if I ran my fingers up over that silky skin.

"363." She says and I look up from her legs to her smiling face.

"How tall are you?" She asks and I managed to mumble something that sounds like 6'3.

"Okay…so it looks like they are pegging your ideal weight at 179 but I don't think you could go much lower than 230. So how about we aim for that." She says and I just look at her.

I weigh 363 pounds?

That can't be right.

"Let's start out on the treadmill and we can talk about some stuff once we get you on there."

I follow and start walking on the moving belt.

I weigh 363 pounds.

"You had no idea did you?" She asks quietly as she stands next to me and I look over at her and realize she is kinda blurry.

It's then I realize I'm crying.

She reaches into her pocket and presses a tissue into my hand and I wipe at my face as I try to keep walking.

Because I'm going to keep walking.

I have to.

**So…Bella is me in this one. I went to school to be an Exercise Physiologist (a glorified Personal Trainer) although I am no longer working in the field. As you learn more about her…you learn more about me.**

**Are you watching 'The Biggest Loser'? That will sort of be how Edward's journey goes. He has a lot of time and motivation to devote to his weight loss and you will see that once he gets started and sees some results…things will move faster for him. **

**The recommended weight loss is 1-2 pounds a week. That way you are doing it in a healthy way and are more likely to keep it off. Fattyward will end up losing more because of the amount of weight he has to lose and how motivated he is. **

**See you next Saturday!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi…early update cause you guys blew me away. Your support as I tackle this very different and controversial topic is unwavering. With the love from CaraNo and BellaEdwardlover1991 and a ton of people on facebook and Twitter…this story is taking off.**

**There is a BIG announcement at the end…so don't forget to read it.**

**Melanie is still on the fence with Fattyward…or Determinedward, as someone dubbed him. He will never be Sixpackward…but we'll get him close. Come on Melanie…you know you want to love him **

**Here we go...  
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**Week Two**

**Weight: 360 pounds.**

"I only lost 3 pounds?" I sigh as I step off the scale and turn and look at her.

She is smiling brilliantly.

"Come on Edward…three pounds in a week is great!" She squeals as she pulls me towards my nemesis…

The elliptical.

"Yeah…great my ass." I complain as I slowly get up onto the footrests.

I whine when I see the program she pulled up on the screen.

"Come on Bella…please don't make me do this one."

"Edward Cullen…are you pussing out on me?" She says, her brown eyes wide in faux horror.

I sigh as I push start and pump my legs to get the machine going.

This sucks.

*()*()*

"So how is the diet going? Because you know one without the other…" She rambles as she spots for me.

I'm lifting the 45 pound bar _plus_ two 10 pound plates now.

Look at me…

I'm Superman.

"It's going." I grunt as I struggle to get the last rep out.

She puts her hands under the bar and uses just the tips of her fingers to guide me back up to the rack.

"Good job!" She cheers as I sit up and wipe at the sweat on my face.

"Yeah…woo hoo! Fatty can lift 65 pounds now. That's like…what, my forearm?" I sigh and I look over at her.

She is pissed.

"What have I told you about that Edward? You are more than just your weight." She whispers as she walks over to where she has the treadmills.

I get up on the machine and start walking.

She's quiet.

And after spending three hours a day with her for the last six days, I know when she's quiet it is never a good thing.

I usually end up puking my guts out after she makes me run for a minute on the treadmill after one of her quiet spells.

"They called me 'Big Fat Bella' when I was in school. I always just laughed along with them. I figured if I was laughing with them then no one would notice that I was crying as well." She says quietly and I slowed the speed so I could hear her better, but she wasn't having that.

She cranked the speed back up and raised the incline to boot.

"So after a while they just didn't even bother hiding their teasing from me. They would just say whatever was on their mind, and I let them. I even called myself names to take away their power. But when I got to college everything changed. No one knew who I was before and I had a chance to make myself someone different. So I started running, at night wearing all black. It used to drive my dad crazy. He would follow after me in the car and I would get so mad I would spit at him…but he kept following me." She says, smiling sadly.

"When he was killed in the line of duty a year after I graduated I knew I wanted to do something with my inheritance that would make a difference. So I opened this place…and I haven't looked back."

I want to ask…I want to ask so badly but I bit my tongue instead and kept walking.

"I was 258 pounds at my heaviest." She says and I nearly fall off the damn machine.

I turn and look at her.

She must be like 5'6…tops.

How the hell?

"So I know how you feel Edward…I really do." She whispers sadly as she excuses herself and heads to the bathroom.

I guess she does know.

*()*()*

"Edward, I saw you walking into that shitty little fitness center over on Maple. Are you _actually_ trying to lose some weight?" Rose asks, disgust written all over her face as she sits across from me at their dinning room table.

I didn't want to tell anyone about it in case I didn't stick with it.

Didn't need them to have any more ammunition when they called me a failure.

Emmett looks up at me and smiles.

"That true, bro? You getting in shape?" He laughs as he reaches over to nail me in the arm with his fist.

I smile tightly and turn to speak to Emmett.

Bella keeps telling me not to give the haters any chance to get you, so I just ignore Rose.

"Yes. I have a trainer and everything. She's really great." I say, and the smile on my face now is genuine as I think of Bella.

"Oh is she that thick girl I see running around town all the time. Seriously…run at night if you're going to wear things that show how your ass jiggles." Rose snarks into her wine glass.

"I think she looks amazing." I respond tightly, unable to stay quiet. "And she's out there doing it. Who cares what she looks like? She's trying."

Rose is silent as she holds her glass in mid-air and I want to pat myself on the back.

Instead I just push the mashed potatoes around on my plate and take another helping of green beans.

*()*()*

"So Eddie I hear you're trying to drop some pounds." Jasper says through the headset as I take down another zombie on the screen.

I love the new COD.

Much better graphics.

"Yeah…I started working with a trainer and she has me exercising and eating right. I kinda like it. Lost 3 pounds already." I reply as I reach my hand into my small bowl of…

Air popped popcorn.

It tastes like cardboard but has like, no calories.

"Well that must be like a drop in the bucket for you huh?" He laughs and I want to laugh along.

I want to fall back into my old ways and ignore it…

But I can't…

All because of Bella.

"Jasper…do I get on you for your acne? Or your receding hairline? Or that one time you jacked it so much you wore the top layer of skin off your dick? No…I don't. So how about you get off my ass about the size of my ass, especially since I'm trying to do something about it."

"Wowza, Eddie…good for you. You finally got a backbone." Jasper laughs and I want to punch him in the face for being an asshole.

But I settle for shooting his character in the head.

"Party foul Eddie…party foul." He bitches and I just laugh.

And it feels good.

**I loves me some Jasper and hates me some Rose…sounds pretty canon to me ;)**

**So now…**

**A lot of you were excited to see this kind of story around the first of the year with resolutions falling by the wayside left and right. It's hard to lose weight or get healthy by yourself…so here is my challenge. **

**Get healthy with Fattyward...**

**Each week you'll have a chance to either tell me something you're proud of (like avoiding those doughnuts that are staring you in the face right now) or how much weight you lost that week. **

**Sunday night I'll go through and find the 'Biggest Loser' and the person(s) who I think did the best job avoiding a temptation and send them the next chapter early. **

**Yep…you heard that right. You have a chance to read about our boy a week before anyone else. **

**Together we can achieve our goals…**

**You can also join me over in a new group I created on facebook…**

**Facebook . com/groups/110085692445759/**

**Post your pics and get/share tips. This is a drama free zone for support and encouragement only.**

**See you Sunday!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Holy…shit. I can't believe the response to this story AND the challenge I threw out. The facebook group is just amazing…the support and tips are really motivating.**

**Your reviews…I just can't believe them. So many of you have really succeeded…while some of you are ready to make a change. Even if you are already where you want to be or have never struggled with your weight…come over to the facebook group and help motivate everyone else…plus its fun.**

**Melanie…ah Melanie. I love her…**

**Note at the bottom!**

**Week Five**

**Weight: 340 pounds**

"I don't believe it!" I gasp as Bella shows me the numbers again.

"Stop it! I told you it would just take a little while to get your metabolism up. I knew you could do it." She says with a smile and I want to pull her into my arms and swing her around.

But I don't.

That would be inappropriate.

So instead I follow her as she takes me through my workout.

The weights are lighter as I lift them over my head and I realize I should have been a little smarter because when I set them down…

Bella adds more weight to them.

Shit.

She laughs as she sees my crestfallen expression.

"No pain, no gain." She giggles and I stick my tongue out at her, which only makes her laugh harder.

"Stop laughing and spot me." I reply haughtily as I lie down on the bench and grab hold of the bar.

It _is _harder but I find I have the strength if I reach down far enough into my gut.

And Bella's blinding smile when I finish the 10 reps make the effort worth it.

*()*()*

"A salad? You want to order a salad?" The delivery guy asks as I place an order to my local pizza joint.

I know…I know…

I used to order two large pies and eat them myself.

I guess ordering a salad and a small Chicken Parm meal would raise some eyebrows after that.

"Yep." I sigh.

And as I lift the fork and shove the green lettuce with dressing on the side into my mouth I smile a little and think about how proud Bella would be of me.

*()*()*

"So Eddie…looks like that working out stuff is paying off." Emmett says as he passes around the basket of rolls.

I may have sniffed them as they passed me but I didn't take one.

Progress.

"Yeah…I'm down about 20 pounds now." I say quietly as we eat.

Rose has been staring daggers at me since I walked in the door.

For the last month she has been different.

And I don't mean her bitchy attitude.

Now I'm not one to notice things…but it seems every pound I lose…

She's been gaining.

"Don't worry Edward, you still look like a fat ass to me." She says under her breath as she pours more wine into her glass.

Emmett's silverware clangs against his plate as he drops them.

"Rose." He growls and I pick my napkin up off my lap and put it next to my plate.

"I'll go." I say as I start to stand, but Emmett is up so fast his chair hits the floor behind him.

"No way Edward…you sit down." He spits as he stares at Rose.

She continues to look at her plate.

"I'm putting my foot down Rose. You can't talk to him that way anymore." He says softly…

Menacing.

She slowly lifts her head and looks at him.

And her expression is heartbreaking.

She swallows thickly as she nods and then gets up and leaves the room.

Emmett sits back down with a sigh and scrubs at his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry bro, she's going through a lot right now but her behavior is inexcusable." He breathes and I suddenly realize I don't know anything about them.

I mean I know that he's an electrician and that she went to cosmetology school but other than that…

"What's going on?" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them but as soon as I say them I recognize that I really do want to know what is troubling her.

"We've been trying to get pregnant. And she started on these hormone shots and they made her gain weight and she is just miserable. She worries all the time that I won't want her anymore and it's all just…" He whispers. "And I think seeing you getting thinner was just the straw that broke the camel's back tonight. I'm sorry."

I sit for a second and just stare.

I had no idea.

And as I see my big brother's shoulders start to shake I realize that I'm strong enough to hold him up now…

Bella helped me.

And now I can help him.

So I get out of my seat and pull him in for a hug…

And I hold him up as he lets it all out.

*()*()

"A 5k? You want me to run in a race?" I gawk as she shows me the flyer.

"Yeah…I'm trying to get all my clients to run in it with me. We have a few weeks to get ready and I promise I will stay right next to you the whole time." She says, jumping up and down in excitement.

When she looks up at me with those big brown eyes…

I can't say no.

*()*()*

"Bella!" I gasp as she sprints ahead of me as we run around the track.

My legs are burning and she just keeps going.

"Come on Edward…get me!" She taunts as she turns around and starts to run backwards.

This is torture.

But I follow her because her smile and the way her tits bounce in that tank top are too much to resist.

Except now I feel like I'm gonna puke.

"You did it!" She pants as we wrap back around the track and she reaches over to pat me on the back.

"Yeah…a mile and a half. Now who is going to do the other mile and a half when we do the 5k?" I wheeze.

"You are, you idiot! And it will be easier because of the excitement of the race. And I already told you I would be with you the whole time." She smiles as she lifts a water bottle to her lips and I watch a drop run down her chin and onto her neck.

My eyes catch on the slivery lines that run across the back of her arms and without thinking I lean forward and grab her arm.

I twist her arm this way and that, looking at the faint stretch marks that mar her skin.

I look up at her and she smiles.

"Told ya." She whispers before she pulls her arm from my grasp and jogs over to the car.

And I follow…

I'm beginning to think I would follow her anywhere.

*()*()*

"Whoa…dude. 5 more pounds? That's like what…23 pounds in a little over a month? That is awesome!" Jasper shouts through the headset and I have to pull it away from my ear or else risk losing my hearing.

"I know. Bella is kicking my ass, but it is all good." I reply and I know I'm smiling like an idiot but I can't help it.

I owe her…

I owe her big.

**Sigh…**

**I love him.**

**SO…who wants the next chapter now? It's a good one!**

**Make sure you put your accomplishment/weight loss right at the top so I can see it easily.**

**I'll pick the biggest loser AND three people with great accomplishments this week and send ya a Review Reply so I can email you the chapter. Make sure you have your PMs enabled so I can hit ya back.**

**Love…love…LOVE…you all!**

**My accomplishment this week…**

**I ran 10+ miles.**

**See you next Saturday!**


	5. Chapter 5

**HI! So…floored…awed…amazed…overwhelmed. I think that covers my reaction at the support for this story. You guys…you guys are just unbelievable. I am so glad that so many of you are sharing your stories and are over on the facebook page supporting each other. We have 85 members over there…come join!**

**I managed to get 11.6 miles in this week…3 yoga sessions and a 25 minute bike ride. I haven't gone on the scale BUT I can take my jeans off without unbuttoning them now so…yeah…good things.**

**Our biggest loser this week was froggyqueen with 8 pounds!**

Accomplishments went to...

mommymac0508  
>TraciSnow<br>and Spritegirl24

**But everyone did a great job. **

**Please welcome SexyLexi as our pre-reader/beta. She is a hardcore grammar and comma queen and I am…well…not. She made some amazing suggestions and I ignored most of them 'cause I am a stubborn ass. But I am THRILLED to have her along with us.**

**Melanie is my number one, as always. She is the Spock to my Captain Kirk…the jelly to my peanut butter…the Jacob to my Edward…*gasp* She is gonna be pissed with that one ;) **

**Ro Nordman made me an AMAZING banner over on facebook…go check it out. She is Ah-mazing!**

**Someone asked to have Edward's total weight loss there so it is easier to see…but you know how bad I suck at math…but I do own a calculator. **

**Week 9**

**Weight: 312**

**Total weight loss to date: 51 pounds**

"Runners take your mark. Get set…"

The gun snaps and…

We…

Are…

Off.

True to her word, Bella is right next to me.

I'm slow.

I'm so slow it's embarrassing, but she doesn't complain.

People call her name as they pass us, and she waves, but she doesn't leave my side.

"Hey girl…you lagging in the back today?" A huge, stacked guy jokes as he matches our stride.

He looks like he could walk and still match our pace.

"I'm sticking by my guy, Jake." She smiles up at him and then turns to winks at me.

My heart catches, and I wonder if it is because of her…

Or if I'm having a heart attack.

"See you at the finish!" He yells before he sprints ahead and disappears into the crowd.

And we just keep chugging along.

"You don't have to stay with me." I huff as we pass the halfway point and start back towards the finish.

"Yes…I do Edward." She says softly, between panting breaths.

*()*()*

"45 minutes…not bad, Edward." She smiles as she hands me a bottle of water.

I look up at the finish line and can hardly believe I did it.

"Not bad, my ass. That sucks." I pout as I wipe the massive amount of sweat off my forehead.

"But you finished and that is the most important thing." She smiles and just like that…

All the pain and exhaustion is gone.

*()*()*

I need to ask her something.

But I'm totally freaking out about it.

The more weight I lose…

The more worried I am.

And I know if I just ask her, she'll have the answer.

But I'm scared.

"Another sprint, Edward…come on, don't make me come over there and kick your ass!" She yells from behind the bench while one of her other clients lifts and lowers the bar.

She told me I could come in and work out before our session.

I didn't hesitate.

It is becoming an addiction.

I sleep better…

I can concentrate…

Everything is better…

Because of her.

*()*()*

"Just spit it out, Edward!" She laughs as I twist the bottle of water between my palms on the table.

The remnants of our lunches are spread between us.

"So…you lost some weight." I start and then just…

"My skin is all stretched out."

Whoa…

Word vomit.

She giggles and she covers her mouth to catch the sound.

I glare at her.

"It's fine Edward. And you're young enough that your skin _should_ be okay. You might have some areas that will never be firm again, but for the most part everything should go back to where it was." She says softly.

And I'm like…

"Thank GOD! 'Cause all I could picture was skin like Silly Putty all stretched out and spilling over my pants."

This time, her fingers can't catch her laughter and she bangs her hand on the table.

I love making her laugh.

*()*()*

"So, Eddie…I've been thinking about it man. I really want to maybe start getting into shape and eating healthy and shit. You think that trainer of yours might take me on?" Jasper asks quietly through the headset as we wait for the game to load.

I've seen him before when we Skype but I never really _looked_ at him.

I guess he could be in better shape.

He's just kinda…doughy.

Not fat…just soft and squishy.

Like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

"I'm not sure, Jasper. But I do know she has some people that just come in and work out on their own and pay a monthly fee. If you want, you can come down and meet me before my session and we can talk to Bella." I suggest and I'm shocked that I really want that to happen.

I actually _want_ to meet him.

And I never in a million years thought that it would happen.

*()*()*

"You want me to do what now?" I ask, staring at the screen of my laptop as my boss shuffles papers around on her desk.

"We want you to actually go and meet the new client. You are the best we have at what you do, Edward I really think that we can get this security deal if you go and charm them." She says as she meets my eyes through the lens of my web cam.

"But…but…" I stammer 'cause I am seriously flipping my shit right now.

"No buts, Edward. We'll pay for your flight to Atlanta; hotel and food costs too. You just have to meet with the client and sell yourself. You can do that." She says before she signs off moments later.

And I just sit there and stare at the image of myself in the little box at the top of the screen.

Everything is changing.

There is no way they would have sent me anywhere if I was still 363 pounds.

But now…

Apparently, I'm good enough to go out and meet people now and for some reason that pisses me off.

I didn't get any better at my job with my weight loss.

I didn't get any smarter.

All I got was thinner.

*()*()*

"Edward…you have to understand that in our culture, everything comes back to what you look like. People get passed over for jobs because they're overweight, or ugly or poor. It is just…" She sighs as she stands next to me while I bust my ass on the treadmill.

I don't walk anymore.

Now I run.

And today I am running my ass off because I'm pissed.

Really fucking pissed.

I came over right after that video chat with my boss.

I needed to get out my frustration…

My anger…

My disappointment in the world.

"But it _shouldn't_ matter. It shouldn't matter if I was 363 pounds or a fucking sparkly vampire with a lisp. I'm good at my job and that is all that matters." I rant and she reaches up and shuts off the treadmill.

I hold onto the rails as the belt skids to a stop.

When I look over at her, there are tears in her eyes and she is biting on her lower lip, like her teeth are trying to keep it from jumping off her face.

"You are such a good man, Edward Cullen." She whispers before she jumps up onto the side of the machine and presses her lips to my cheek.

I watch as she walks toward the bathroom and I put my hand over the spot she kissed me.

My first kiss.

**Say it with me now….**

**AWWWW!**

**So…make sure you get in your weight loss or accomplishments to try and get the next chapter early…and man I LOVE the next one ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Holy monkey balls…you guys…you guys are KILLING me! Your reviews…your support…your love. I'm overwhelmed and awed. Thank you!**

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**Accomplishments were Tesha Alise Cullen, ladybeekeeper and bmango. If you are looked for some motivation or inspiration…check out the reviews…they get my ass out pounding the pavement.**

**You get this chapter early because I'm bored and I know I'll want to sleep in tomorrow. Plus maybe your reviews will make me get 4 more miles in today. It's raining but if I can get those 4 miles, I will have done 15 overall this week.**

**First I had Carano and BellaEdwardlover1991 pimping me. Then JadaPattinson over on Twitter was throwing me the love. And now, my girl bornonhalloween rec'd me over on her facebook page. Words cannot express how much your support means to me.**

**SexyLexi made me laugh my ass off with her comments for this chapter…and I'm ALMOST over my comma phobia.**

**Melanie put some words in Edward's mouth…although I think she would rather his mouth be somewhere else. She is off hanging with Midnight Cougar today…I hope they are having a blast!**

**You can thank Missy Cullen Fanfiction and JA Mash over on FB for this update since FF was being a douche.  
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**Just remember…you trust me.**

**Week 10**

**Weight: 305**

**Total weight loss to date: 58 pounds**

I'm nervous as I wait outside the doors.

Jasper just sent me a text to let me know he was on the way.

I hate this feeling of insecurity I have.

But as I watch his piece-of-shit Chevy pull into the lot, all that self-doubt fades away.

He's just another guy.

"Hey Eddie!" He yells as he slams the door shut and then has to jump on it to get it to close all the way.

"Hey Jasper." I put out my fist for a pound and he catches me off guard when he pulls me in for a man-hug.

"You look great, dude…you really do," he says, stepping back and giving me the once over.

"Come on…you going all boy crush on me now?" I ask, giving him a shove as I start towards the door.

I sent Bella a message earlier to let her know that I was bringing Jasper in with me, and for some reason she was excited to meet him.

She has heard all about him and his antics while she stands next to me on the treadmill.

And now she gets to meet him in the flesh.

He follows behind me as we enter the little lobby, and I smile as Bella comes bouncing in from her office.

She smirks at me as she extends her hand to Jasper.

"You _must_ be Jasper. Edward has told me so much about you," she says, and I hide my laugh with a very unconvincing cough.

"Wow…you are gorgeous," he stammers, and Bella giggles as she hands him some papers to fill out.

"Well, aren't you the charmer," she smiles, and I feel an unexpected surge of jealousy.

But…

She's not mine.

So, I try to just push that feeling away and wave at them as I head into the gym to get started on the treadmill.

One of Bella's other clients is just finishing up her workout and I get on the treadmill next to her.

"Hey Alice," I smile as she looks over at me.

She just started training with Bella and I know she is still pretty self-conscious about working out when other people are in the gym.

And I remember how that felt, so I make sure to go out of my way to be nice to her.

I would have wanted someone to do the same for me.

"Hi Edward, looking good," she puffs as she struggles to finish the program Bella set her up with.

It seems as though she hates the elliptical as much as I do.

"Sorry you didn't get to do the race with us. It was kinda fun."

Alice looks down at the console as a faint blush spreads across her cheeks.

"Yeah, I'm just not ready for that," she says quietly, and I look over at her.

She's short, shorter than Bella is, and it's hard to tell what she looks like under her oversized sweatshirt.

But her face is just beautiful.

"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. It took me three weeks to be able to get through that program you're on," I tell her, and she looks over at me with her mouth wide open.

"But…but you _ran_ in that race, Edward. I couldn't do that."

"So then you walk. Or you run for a bit and then walk. The point is you finish. I know you can do it," I smile at her encouragingly before I kick the speed up and start a slow jog.

Jasper and Bella come into the gym and she starts showing him around.

He gapes at me when he sees me running, so I flip him the bird.

I notice that Alice's stride falters a bit when she sees Jasper, and I look over to see that she doesn't take her eyes off him.

Hmmm…

Maybe that's just what the two of them need.

*()*()*

Bella gives Jasper free rein after she explains the program she designed for him and then she heads my way.

"He seems like he's really committed to getting into shape. You sure are a good role model," she says quietly, as she slips a 15 pound dumbbell into my hand.

"Yeah well…I think he's tired of being alone," I confess as I watch him in the mirror, trying not to pout.

I knew that feeling well.

Alice is sitting in the area Bella has set aside for stretching, and Jasper hasn't taken his eyes off her.

To the point that I'm worried he might fall off the treadmill.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Bella whispers as she moves closer to me.

I look down at her as I finish my last set of bicep curls and nod.

"Time to play matchmaker."

*()*()*

"Edward, I wanted to apologize for my behavior over the years. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. It was wrong of me," Rose says quietly the second she opens the door and waves me inside.

I didn't want to come to dinner.

I hadn't been back to their house since Emmett broke down, although I had met him several times for lunch.

But Emmett had assured me that Rose really wanted me there.

So I came.

"I should have stood up for myself earlier, Rose, but you're right, I didn't deserve to be treated that way," I tell her, looking her right in the eyes.

She looks terrible.

"I know," she whispers as a tear slides down her cheek, and I feel like shit.

So I decide to be the bigger person, no pun intended, and pull her in for a hug.

She wraps her arms around my back and starts to really sob, and that is how Emmett finds us.

My arms around her, her face buried in my chest as I just let her cry.

And it is exactly what we both needed.

*()*()*

"You want to go to a club?" I ask, breathless from my sprints.

"Yeah, I mean we can get Alice and Jasper to go and I'm sure Bella will be down with it. You are really looking good, Edward. I think you're ready to start looking for some ladies," Jake smirks.

He is Bella's biggest success story.

He came in weighing well over 400 pounds.

And now he looks like he could bench press a car.

He was the guy who blasted past us when we were running the 5k.

We started to talk when we would see each other in the gym, and now he thinks he needs to be my life coach or something.

"You do know that for every 35 pounds you lose, you gain an inch," he smirks as he flexes his pecs, making them jump.

I look at him blankly.

"An inch of what?"

"Of length, man," he laughs as he grabs his junk.

Oh.

_OH!_

I haven't inspected down there at all to see if that's true or not.

I wake up hard in the morning, but when I close my eyes there's only one face I see, and I would feel guilty if I jerked off while thinking of _her_.

So I usually just think about video games until it goes away.

"I really don't think I'm ready for_ that_," I confess, hoping that Jake will get my underlying meaning as Bella comes over to get me for my session.

"Ready for what?" she asks as she corrects Jake's form.

"We're gonna get Edward some action," he smirks and I peek up in the mirror to watch Bella's reaction.

I'm hoping she'll say something.

I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, she feels that there's something between us like I do.

She looks down as she speaks the words that cut through me and leave me splayed open at her feet.

"Yeah…that sounds like a good idea."

**:(  
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**I know…I know.**

**You _might_ get a Wednesday update if I can get another chapter done this weekend.**

**Get your accomplishments and weight loss in to get the chapter early…and you are gonna want it early ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**You guys…you guys just amaze me. Your support for this little fic, (and me) astound me. I can't thank you enough!**

**Our biggest loser this week was Twi-Mom12292005 and our three accomplishments went to Discordia81, maroonlight and TheUnderStudy. They got to see this chapter early as a reward. But their reward is just doing things to improve their lives. **

**Have you seen this pimped out - like the guest review Bornonhalloween did for the TwiSlash Unveiled blog? Please let me know…I would like to thanks those people who are throwing love at Fattyward.**

**SexyLexi took her red pen to my ass…and added a shitload of commas. I know I need them…but I swear she is getting a kickback from the comma people. **

**Melanie made sure I didn't drown in the tub and fixed my tenses…I switch those damn things all the time. Good thing I have a crack team behind me. 'Awaken' is getting ready to wrap up and my girl is at nearly 3k reviews…her talent is overwhelming.**

**You love me…you know you do…**

**Week 11**

**Weight: 299**

**Total weight loss to date: 64 pounds**

I'm leaving for Atlanta in just a few hours, and I'm freaking the fuck out.

I came really close to having to buy two seats, but the company bumped me up to business class at the last second.

I think my boss thought I had lost more weight than I have.

It's not my fault I lost it in my face first.

I've been pacing in front of my closet for an hour.

I've no idea what I should pack.

So I do the first thing that comes to my mind and pick up the phone.

And the second I hear her voice, it calms me.

I cry, "I need help!" and listen to her giggle.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be over," Bella says.

Thank God.

I get off the phone as soon as possible because I need to clean some shit up if she is going to be in my apartment.

I mean, I'm not a slob or anything.

But I do have some things I would rather hide in a closet while she's here.

Like my action figures.

And my life-sized cutout of Lara Croft.

And the picture I found in the paper of Bella that may or may not be in a frame next to my bed.

What?

She looks hot.

It was from the 5k and they (thankfully) managed to keep me out of the shot.

She is all sweaty and disheveled, but I love it.

Ten minutes later my doorbell rings, and I take a deep breath before I open it…

And then I find I can't breathe at all.

She's standing there…

In my doorway…

In a motherfucking skirt.

Miles of bare leg just begging me to run my fingers down them…

But no.

I invite her in and she takes control immediately.

"So, you need something dressy for the meeting, right? And will you have to do any lunch or breakfast meetings while you're there?" she asks as she takes in what I have already laid out on the bed.

Not much fit me, which was nice, but I also didn't want to go spend a fortune on clothes when I'll only be wearing them for a little while.

There's no use having a closet full of fat clothes.

"I have my itinerary right here. I think I have a lunch meeting on Thursday before I fly home," I explain as I hand her the paperwork my boss sent over.

"Okay, so you need something casual for the lunch and then…dressy…meeting," she mumbles incoherently as she pokes her head inside my closet.

I can't help but gulp as she leans over and one leg pops up off the ground.

If I were to just bend over a little bit…

Just a tiny bit…

I could totally see up her skirt.

But I won't.

Nope.

Not gonna do that.

Oh wait…is my shoelace untied?

What's that?

I'm not wearing shoes?

Damn.

"Here…you can wear this sweater with those gray pants and then have the black dress pants and white button down with that tie for the meeting," she says triumphantly as she pulls a gray and red sweater from the hanger.

I have no idea where she found that damn thing, but it looks like it might actually fit.

She hands it to me and then just stares expectantly.

Does she really want me to try it on in front of her?

I'm not ready for that.

"Jesus, Edward! Fine, I'll turn around," she giggles as she spins on her heel and faces the wall.

I channel my inner Superman and pretend I'm in a phone booth, pulling my t-shirt over my head and yanking on the sweater as quick as lightning.

To me it looks too tight, but the way Bella's eyes widen when she appraises me makes me think it might look okay.

"Wow, Edward. It looks like those overhead presses are _really_ working," she says quietly as she motions toward the mirror.

I stand in front of it and can barely believe it's me.

I mean…

I'm still big but the sweater clings to my shoulders, making them look broader-which in turn-makes my waist look smaller.

Huh.

Bella stands next to me and my eyes drift to her.

She is so damn small and for a second I try to look at us objectively.

If I were to see us out somewhere, I would still wonder how a slob like me scored a hottie like her.

So it is with a sigh that I push any thoughts of 'us' out the window and thank her.

Her smile warms my heart as I walk her to the door.

"So where you going all dressed up?"

Her cheeks flame pink and she looks down at her hands as she hesitates and just like that, I know…

She has a date.

"I finally caved and am letting Jake take me out to dinner," she whispers, and I try and breathe through the pain.

"Well, that sounds like fun. Have a great time, and I'll call you to schedule a session when I get back."

She looks up at me like she can sense the difference in my tone, but I need to get her out of here.

I'm desperately close to a breakdown…

And I don't want her to see.

She leans up on her toes and brushes those super soft lips against my cheek, smelling like vanilla and girl and I lean into her kindness.

Her scent infiltrates my brain, and I know it will last long after she's gone.

"You'll do great!"

I watch as she skips down the steps and wave to her as she pulls away.

And then I walk blindly down the hall and into the bathroom.

With the water streaming down my face, I can almost imagine that the tears aren't falling.

But they are.

I'll never be good enough for her.

And I need to just accept that.

*()*()*

"Well, Mr. Cullen, it seems to me that we would be remiss if we didn't use your company for our security needs, especially if you are handling our business. Excellent job, son," Mr. Walker says as he extends his hand.

I manage to covertly wipe mine off on my pants before I shake his.

I did it.

The meeting went well yesterday, but it isn't until he says those words over lunch that I realize I sealed the deal.

Holy shit.

I pay the bill and tell Mr. Walker that I'll be in touch before I get a taxi to the airport.

I'm in a daze.

I fumble with my phone for a second before I realize what I'm doing.

I was about to call Bella.

She would want to know what happened.

But should I really continue torturing myself this way?

She'll never be mine…

And can I really sit back and watch as she's with someone else?

Kissing him…

Hugging him…

_Loving _him?

But can I really let her go?

It's then I realize that no, I can't let her go.

So I dial her number and listen to her squeal and clap, and I close my eyes and just listen to her joy…

And it's enough.

**Get your weight loss and accomplishments in. The next chapter…yeah…you want it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I posted seven chapters…and have 1,073 reviews.**

**Never…in the two years I have been posting my words, have I had such an amazing response.**

**Thank you.**

**I have a million excuses, some of them **_**really**_** good, for why I didn't send out an early chapter to the biggest loser and the greatest accomplishments. But I won't bore you with them. Let me just apologize and say I endeavor to do better this week, but I might fail again. **

**SexyLexi rocked the commas and made sure my words were less bad porn and more erotic prose.  
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**Melanie was naughty and sent me something. She is the shoulder I cry on…and occasionally wipe snot on. **

***sing song voice***

**You love me…and trust me…remember that!**

**Week 10 - continued**

**Weight: 300**

**Weight loss to date: 63 pounds**

**(He gained one pound)**

"This is going to be so much fun," Jake exclaims as we enter the club.

I don't want to be here.

Nope.

Not at all.

But Jake insisted that we go out and celebrate.

The music is loud and the lights are flashing…

Bodies swarm and cling together like bees in a hive, and I'm already done.

I just want to go home.

"Come on, Edward, just stay for a little bit," Bella says loudly, standing up on her tiptoes to get closer to me.

I'm surrounded by her sweet, clean scent.

So I'll stay…for her.

Somehow, Alice and Jasper find us amidst the chaos, and I'm thrilled to see his hand tangled with hers.

They both look so damn happy.

And joy wars with agony in my chest as I realize that he found someone…

And I'm still alone.

Jake saunters over with his hands full of beer bottles.

"Here Edward, I got you a light beer," he jokes, and I want to smack that look right off his face.

"Let us raise our drinks to Edward, who somehow managed to convince a room full of suits that he could keep their websites from being hacked," Jasper laughs as he raises his beer. "Let's just hope they never find out he spends most of his time playing video games while he is supposed to be working."

Funny…

But true.

The music gets louder, and we break off into little groups, chatting and swaying to the beat.

I spend the next hour ignoring Jake's hand on Bella's shoulder by trying to get the label off my beer bottle without tearing it.

Try it…it's really hard to do.

Alice attempts to get me out on the dance floor, but that's not happening.

She pulls Bella out with her instead, and I lean up against the wall, watching as Bella moves seductively to the music.

Her hands float up over her head, her hips rocking side-to-side.

She moves in a sinuous wave of femininity.

I would give anything to have her dance that way for me.

But they're not my hands that wrap around her waist and pull her back into a hard, firm body.

They're Jake's.

I look away as they dance.

It hurts too much to watch.

I say good bye to Jasper and Alice, thanking them for celebrating with me.

I'm almost to the door, when I feel a tug on my shirt and turn around.

Looking down, I see a diminutive blonde dressed like she's working the street corner.

"Hi," she coos, eyelashes caked with mascara fluttering spastically.

"Um," I mumble, wondering who she has mistaken me for.

"Why are you leaving so soon? I've been trying to get your attention for the last hour," she whispers, smiling coyly.

All I can do is stare as she moves closer, pressing herself against me.

"I'm Sasha."

"Edward," I choke out as I feel her hand slide up my back.

"You want to get out of here, Edward?"

My eyes drift over the teeming bodies on the dance floor and land on Bella.

She's watching me.

Jake's hands are wrapped around her waist as they dance, but she's watching me.

It's wrong…

This is all wrong…

But I close my eyes and nod, letting Sasha take my hand as I follow her out of the club.

*()*()*

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to come with me?" She hiccups drunkenly.

Yeah…I'm pretty damn sure.

I have no idea what I was thinking when I walked out those doors with this girl.

This isn't me.

I make sure all of her limbs are securely in the taxi before I close the door, and then toss forty bucks onto the front seat.

After they leave, I stand with my hands in my pocket and just look up at the stars.

I debate going back in and getting drunk off my ass for about a minute before I pull my keys out and unlock my doors.

I have an appointment with my trainer tomorrow…

And I don't want to disappoint her.

*()*()*

"Travel always messes with your system, Edward. I wouldn't worry about that pound. Just don't let any more sneak up on you. Let your clothes be your guide more than the scale," Bella tells me as we load the leg press sled with weights.

"Plus, even though that was light beer you were drinking last night, those were just empty calories. Next time order a vodka gimlet or a glass of wine instead," she says with a small smile as I get onto the machine.

She's been really quiet today.

And I know it is because of last night at the club.

I wanted to tell her that I didn't go home with that girl.

I wanted to tell her that _she _was the only girl I could think about.

I wanted to…

But I didn't.

She was with Jake now, and I just had to accept that.

*()*()*

"Do you really think I could do it, Edward?" Rose asks softly as I help her dish up the broccoli.

"I'm sure you could, Rose. Just think how much better you'll feel," I encourage, bumping her shoulder with mine.

Emmett saunters in and grabs a piece of broccoli off the dish in my hand before I can stop him.

"What's going on?" he mumbles around the vegetable.

"Rose is thinking about coming down to the gym with me," I throw out casually.

Rose didn't want him to know about it, but I told her the more people she had supporting her, the better she would do.

"Really? That's great, Rosie!" he smiles, and her whole face lights up.

And just like that, I have another workout partner.

*()*()*

"So, you're Edward's sister-in-law?" Bella questions, and Rose nods as she fills out the paperwork.

Oh shit…

"Did you like hurting him? Did you enjoy saying all those things, just to bring him down? Did it make you feel good?" she barks, and Rose lifts her head, looking first at me and then at Bella.

Bella must be _really_ pissed to talk to a client this way.

She's always prided herself on her professionalism.

But she is taking a stand here.

She would rather make sure I'm vindicated than to have Rose as a client.

"It was wrong, the way I treated him. And it's a shame I only realized it after I started gaining weight from the fertility drugs. But I've changed; I won't ever treat him that way again," she vows, her eyes slightly glassy.

Bella looks at her for a moment before she nods.

"Good. Let's get this stuff filled out so we can get you started," she says, motioning toward the papers.

My hero.

*()*()*

"So, I think this is the night," Jasper puffs from the treadmill next to me.

"The night for what?"

I'm going to regret asking that question…I just know it.

"_The_ night, man. I'm taking Alice back to my house, putting on some Barry White, lighting some candles, and then introduce her to my best friend," he laughs, grabbing at his junk.

"Shit Jasper, can you please not be so vulgar?" I snarl, hitting stop on the treadmill so I can get away from him.

"Edward, come on man, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm just excited," he calls after me, but I ignore him.

I'm outta here.

*()*()*

An hour later, as I'm sitting by myself and staring at the TV, I realize that Jasper's words didn't make me uncomfortable…

They made me jealous.

I want to have my palms sweat as I fumble with the lighter, trying to get the candles lit.

I want to watch her pupils dilate as I flick off the lights, leaving her bathed only in the soft glow from the flickering flames.

I want to feel my heart race as she leans into my touch.

Hear her breath catch as my fingers slide down her sides, just skimming her breasts.

I want…

Bella.

I'm disgusted with myself as I open my eyes and see my erection pushing against my sweatpants.

Huh?

I'm sure I wacked it before I got really heavy, but I don't remember doing it.

I take a deep breath as I push down the waistband of my sweats and my dick pops free.

Huh?

I'm pretty sure I would remember if my dick was this big.

Maybe Jake was right…

Maybe you do gain inches when you lose weight.

This thing has to be at least seven inches long.

I reach out and poke it, and the damn thing twitches and sways right back toward me.

Hmmm…

Mustering up my courage, I just go for it and wrap my hand around it.

Oh shit, that feels good.

I try to keep my eyes open as I slide my fist up and down, but they close automatically as the pleasure takes hold of my brain.

I don't want to think of Bella while I'm doing this.

It feels wrong somehow, disgraceful…but her beautiful brown eyes and super soft lips worm their way into my mind as my body twists, and I arch into my touch, wishing it was hers…

It feels like the orgasm makes every single inch of my body tingle as I come.

I lay panting and messy in the chair, my now limp dick peeking out from the top of my pants.

Damn…

Now I see what all the fuss is about.

**Holy shit he found his cock…**

**And what a cock ;)**

**See you next week!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi all! I failed again to send out the chapter to the biggest loser/accomplishments. But at least I have a good reason.**

**My grandmother passed away Wednesday night. Although it was not unexpected, it was still hard to deal with. Now I'm being inundated with relatives I can't stand for a week (the Funeral is not till next Friday). What is amazing is that within a few minutes of posting it…I had gotten a message from my girl Melanie, an email from Beth and a text from Jen. If you ever doubt that the fandom is a supportive community…just wait until you need a virtual hug or a kind word...everyone comes running.**

**So you are getting this chapter only because Lexi and Melanie had already done their amazing jobs and I needed a distraction. Not sure if I will be getting one out next week…but maybe I will to take my mind off things.**

**Hold on tight…**

**Week 11**

**Weight: 298 pounds**

**Total weight loss to date: 65 pounds**

"Edward, Mr. Walker was just thrilled with your presentation. Keep doing what you're doing, and I think we'll be seeing you in the office soon," my boss says through the phone.

I can't help but roll my eyes at her choice of words.

"_Keep doing what you're doing."_

I'm not doing anything differently…except losing weight.

What a diplomatic way to tell me I'm still a fat ass.

I somehow manage to end the conversation without telling her to go fuck herself, and then I just sit there.

How many opportunities did I miss out on because of my weight?

It shouldn't matter what I look like…

But it does.

*()*()*

"We're working outside today, Edward," Bella says, greeting me with a smile as I push through the door.

"Okay," I reply with a shrug.

It's not like I care where we are, as long as she beats the stuffing out of me.

We walk a few blocks until we get to the high school.

Great…

The track.

She stretches for a moment, encouraging me to do the same, before she starts off with a jog.

I follow just slightly behind her…

She has a great behind, and I need some more ammunition for my spank bank.

Now that I know how the whole "masturbation" thing works, I'm trying to make up for lost time.

Eight times a day isn't weird, right?

"Are you going to just draft me all day, Edward?"

Her question jolts me out of my daydream-of throwing her down on the fifty yard line-and confuses the hell out of me at the same time.

"What?" I huff, hoping she hasn't realized that I stayed back here so I can watch her ass jiggle.

"Drafting is when you run behind someone so you don't have to expend as much energy fighting the wind. It doesn't really work, at least not at the speed we're running, but people like to think it does," she explains, and I love it when she gets all technical on me.

I'm a geek…I can't help it.

I swear, if she ever starts talking about Firewalls and Malware I'll jizz in my pants.

"Yeah, I'm like six inches taller and I must outweigh you by two hundred pounds. Your little body is just paving the way for me," I joke, and the blush that covers her cheeks is my reward.

"Get up here…next to me. I want to talk to you," she says, her smile evident in her tone.

I sigh dramatically as I come around her, matching her pace.

"Fine," I pant. "But when I can only do three miles, I'm going to blame it on you taking away my advantage."

She giggles so hard her stride falters, and I have to reach out and grab her arm before she hits the ground.

"Thanks. Anyway, I wanted to talk about what you're doing with Alice, Jasper, and Rose," she mumbles, no doubt embarrassed that she nearly bit it.

"Okay," I hedge, suddenly nervous that I broke some sort of gym code by bringing people in.

"I really admire what you're doing with them. You're taking time out of your own workout each day to check in with them and give them encouragement. I…I'm really proud of you, and I wanted to tell you that," she whispers, slowing to a stop and looking up at me.

"You amaze me, Edward Cullen," she breathes, before she wipes at her face and starts back up again.

And I am left standing there, staring after her.

Why?

Why does she have to be so fucking perfect?

And so completely out of my league.

*()*()*

The week passes in a blur of workouts, work, and jerking off.

I think I may have a callus on my hand now, but it's worth it.

Friday comes, and Jake is trying to convince me to go out with him again.

"Come on, E. Bella is blowing me off for some Girl's night thing with Alice and Rose. Please?" he begs, getting down on his knees and folding his hands, giving me his best puppy dog eyes.

And I just can't find it in me to say no.

*()*()*

I'm stuffing my feet into a pair of boots when my phone rings.

It's Bella's ringtone.

I hit my shin on the coffee table in my rush to answer it, and I hiss a colorful curse as I accept the call.

"Nice mouth, Edward," she laughs.

"Ha, ha. Yuck it up, smartass," I sigh, leaning down to rub my poor, bruised leg.

"Listen, I want you to keep an eye on Jake tonight. I think he might be…well, just keep an eye on him, okay?" she says, cryptically.

"And how exactly am I supposed to keep him in line? He could crush me like an empty beer can if he wanted to," I admit, knowing it goes against guy code to admit another dude is stronger than you are…but it's true.

His biceps are epic.

"That's what I'm talking about. Anyway…just try and keep him calm, okay?" she sighs, and I'm helpless against her sweetness.

"I'll do my best, but you're bailing us out if we get arrested," I warn her, trying to make her laugh.

Her heavy sigh is the only response I get.

"Thanks Edward," she whispers, and then it's just…

Silence.

*()*()*

Jake jumps down the steps of his parents' house and lumbers toward my car.

I'm the designated driver tonight.

Just because I can't have Bella, doesn't mean I'm ready to get loaded and just sleep with anyone.

My first time will be special.

"Dude…are you ready to party or what?" he yells, hitting me on the chest hard enough to have my breath rush out.

"I'm ready," I reply, grimacing as I rub my sore chest.

By the time we walk into the club, Jake is nearly vibrating with excitement and makes a bee-line for the bar.

He comes back and hands me a drink.

Instead of taking a sip, I just set it on the table in front of us.

He pounds his, and when he sees I'm not going to drink mine, he tips that back as well.

Only minutes in the door and he's already well on his way to Sloppyville.

"Edward, I'm going to dance. You coming?" he slurs, and I'm realizing he must have had something to drink before he even left his house.

"You go, man. I'll stay and hold our table."

I watch as he makes his way onto the packed dance floor and presses himself up against a girl.

His hands wrap around her waist, pulling her back into him while grinding his hips against her ass.

The fuck?

His lips go to her throat and then up to her ear.

I can tell by the way her eyes widen and then close slowly that she's buying whatever he's selling.

He reaches for her hand and turns, throwing me a wink as he pulls her off the dance floor.

I'm disgusted.

How _dare_ he treat Bella this way?

They are nearly to the hallway leading to the bathrooms, when a guy steps into their path.

I can't hear what they're saying, but judging from the way Jake gets up in his face, it is not a friendly conversation.

I'm just on my way over to see if I can defuse the situation, when Jake cocks his arm back and smashes the guy's nose.

Blood spouts like a fountain all over Jake and the girl, and the guy goes down like a drunk chick's inhibitions.

But instead of stopping, Jake pulls the guy up by his collar and starts pounding on him, his fist smashing him over and over.

And it's then I realize Bella is going to need that bail money after all.

**Oh boy…**

**What's going on with Jake?**

**I'd give it a 50% chance of an update next week. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Phew…I made it through the week from hell…oh…that might have been in bad taste.**

**Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts…the outpouring of love was overwhelming. I can't tell you how much it meant to me.**

**Questions answered in this chapter…and more thrown at you.**

**I didn't put the weight tally up there since it is the same day... Edward might have lost a few ounces **

**Huge love to SexyLexi who was dealing with a TON this week and managed to get this chapter back to me in an hour. I hope things settle down for you, sweets. **

**Melanie was my rock this week…sending me messages even though I was hiding and making sure I had love and support to get me through. Without her, Sandy, Born, Dally and Yummy I don't think I would have survived the week.**

**Important A/N at the end…**

"What the hell are you doing?" I yell, pushing past the wall of on-lookers, as I try desperately to get Jake out of here before the cops show up.

"This ass-munch made a comment about my way with the ladies. I needed to set him straight!" Jake slurs, falling all over me as I pull him to his feet.

The guy is lying sprawled out against the wall, his nose now just oozing blood instead of the gushing fountain routine it was doing earlier.

The girl Jake had been taking into the bathroom to do God- knows-what with is standing against the bar; her shirt covered in red splatters.

What a clusterfuck.

"We need to get you out of here…now," I growl into his ear, my biceps and delts protesting as I drag him out of the club.

I didn't know I could lift that much dead weight.

Once outside, I steer him over to where my car is, and lean him up against the trunk while I fumble with the keys.

My hands are shaking from the leftover adrenaline and I can't seem to get them to work.

"Did you see the rack on that chick? And I was gonna motorboat the hell out of those titties…while I was balls deep. But then that douche-fucker had to go and insult me," he grumbles, and I swear, for a second I go blind.

He was actually going to go through with it?

He was going to fuck that random girl in a dirty bathroom when he has an amazing woman like Bella waiting for him?

The jingling of my keys hitting the pavement is the only warning he gets before I pounce.

"What the fuck, Edward!" he wheezes, as my forearm presses against his throat.

"If you ever disrespect Bella like that again, I promise that I'll make you wish you were never born," I snarl fiercely, spit flying out of my mouth and hitting him in the face.

For a second he looks dazed…but only for a second.

The next thing I know, I'm on my back; my head hitting the ground so hard, I can feel my brain sloshing inside my skull.

There is a stranger leaning over me who looks a lot like Jake…but completely foreign at the same time.

"You think you can tell me what to do? You're her little pet; the sad, fat little dog she leads around by the collar. I'm the one in her bed…inside _her_," he leers, his hands fisting my shirt and his eyes frightening as he stares down at me.

He releases me and slowly weaves his way out of the parking lot, toward the street.

It takes me a while before I'm able to sit up, and even then, my head is swimming.

There's a buzzing in my pocket, and I blindly grab for my phone.

"Edward? What's going on? I got a weird phone call from Jake, asking me to pick him up. I was just getting back from Alice's house when he called. What happened?" she asks, frantic.

"Bella…I think I need to come over," I rasp, my head pounding like a motherfucker.

"Yeah, come on over. I called a cab for Jake and told them to bring him here," she says, and for a second I think I misunderstood her.

"I'm sorry; Jake is on his way to your house…right now?" I demand, knowing I'm scaring her, but I'm pretty damn scared myself.

"Yes, Edward. He sounded messed up. I didn't want him going home and having his father see him that way," she replies, ever the caretaker.

"Make him stay outside, Bella. I mean it. When he gets there, you make him sit on the porch until I can get to you. Do you understand me?"

There's a muffled sound in the background, like someone pounding on the door.

Bile bubbles up into my throat, but I ignore it and push myself to my feet, stumbling toward my car.

"Bella!" I yell into the phone, as I pick my keys up and struggle with the lock.

"Edward, Jake's here. I live over on Ash, the only red house on the block," she says quickly, before the line goes dead.

I yank the door open, sliding in and throwing the car into reverse before I even have the door closed.

All I can think about on the drive over is that movie they used to make us watch in my high school health class.

The one about how steroids can affect your emotions and how you interact with other people…

And as I turn off of Campbell and onto Ash, those images flicker through my mind in slow motion.

I find Bella's house easily, not even bothering to turn off the engine as I sprint up to the door.

It's open slightly and I push it so hard, it slams into the wall behind it.

Bella is standing with her back up against the living room wall, Jake's massive fists on either side of her shoulders, caging her in.

There are tears in her eyes as she looks up at him, but it's the completely vacant look in his eyes that is the most disturbing.

"Jake, you need to step away," I say, all nice and calm.

His head turns in my direction, but his eyes never leave Bella's face.

"And YOU need to get out of here, Edward," he says quietly, menacingly.

"Come on, Jake. You had too much to drink. Why don't I just take you home, so you can sleep it off? Everything will be better in the morning," I soothe, trying to talk him down.

I feel like I'm dealing with a wild animal, and I have no idea what might set him off.

I've managed to inch my way over to them, so that there are only a few feet between us.

The tears have spilled over Bella's lashes and are now flowing freely down her face.

It looks like she is watching a friend die right in front of her.

I guess in some ways, she is.

Jake's eyes slowly meet mine.

"That guy sure did cockblock me tonight, huh?" he laughs tightly, as he pushes off the wall and wraps his thick bicep around my neck.

I look past him and watch Bella slide down to the floor, her head in her hands.

I need to take care of her.

But first I need to get Jake far, far away from here.

**Phew…a ton of you had figured that out already…kudos to you!**

**So do you really think that Jake and Bella got busy? Or was he just full of shit? **

**Edward and Bella will have a NICE long talk next chapter.**

**Roid Rage Info…**

**When people use anabolic steroids, a dangerous practice for many reasons, they are essentially placing extra levels of ****testosterone**** in their bodies. This ****hormone**** can at first have positive effects on the psyche, which later turn negative. Steroid users at first may equate steroid use with feeling well, unconquerable or very happy. Continued use of steroids may result in much greater mood and behavior change. People may become more aggressive, more hostile, or they may manifest symptoms of various forms of mental illness, like schizophrenia, mania, and deep depression. ****Anabolic steroid**** use is linked not only to roid rage and sudden mood changes, but also to a higher incidence of suicide than in the general populace. Alcohol use increases those hostile behaviors and can have deadly consequences. **

**See you next week!**

**MWAH!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here ya go…the chapter you all have been waiting for. I hope that there are no errors…I kinda changed some things after I got feedback from my girls…and I'm tired…so things might be insane.**

**Your love and support…it is EPIC! I am floored the entire week after I post a new chapter. I love you all so much!**

**My poor little SexyLexi is sick and busy and didn't get her hot little hands on this. I hope things settle down for her soon.**

**Melanie is being mean to me. She is teasing me with awesome shower lovin' in her new story but not actually GIVING it to me. Good thing I love her.**

**Okay…shall we see what happens next?**

My heart is still in the house behind us as I pull away from the curb.

Because somewhere between the moment she first handed me that tissue and ten seconds ago, when I saw her pressed up against the wall, in danger…

I fell in love with her.

And the last thing I want to be doing is carting Jake around after I've finally realized my feelings.

I want to…

No.

I _need_ to go back and make sure Bella is okay.

But that is not going to happen until I find some place safe to stash Jake.

"Dude, this music is terrible. Change the station," he whines, reaching across the dash to swipe at the radio.

I happen to think Mumford and Sons is a great band.

But whatever…

"Now _this_ is music!" he yells, pushing the button to lower the window and leaning his head out into the night air.

"Gotta shine my lusty a-hole," he belts out, and I can't help but laugh.

He's totally butchering this poor song by 'The Script.'

"It's not 'lusty a-hole.' It's 'rusty halo'," I chuckle.

I'm glad we're at a stop sign when his fist flies and nails me in the right side of my chest, knocking the wind out of me.

"Fuck you. I'll sing it however I want to sing it," he snarls, and I just nod and try to bring some air back into my lungs.

It's not easy.

He goes back to yelling out the window and I continue driving around.

We're idling at another stop sign when I get a text.

**Don't take him home. Take him to the gym and let him run it off. The code is 91387 for both the door and the alarm. Let him pass out in the lounge, and then come back here. B**

I sigh as I text her back, letting her know I'll be over as soon as I can.

Even after he all but attacked her…she is still looking out for him.

Now I have to bump 'She always makes me smile' down to number four on the list of Reasons Why I Love Bella Swan.

*()*()*

"Edward, I gotta tell you I was so proud when you took that slut home from the bar last week. I mean, I'd already hit that, but there's nothing wrong with sloppy seconds," he laughs, wiping his face with the towel as he runs yet another mile.

He's already done four miles and there is no end in sight.

I just want to get back to Bella.

"I put her in a cab, Jake. I didn't _do_ anything with her," I sigh, leaning up against the treadmill next to him.

The gym feels weird…all empty and dark.

"Well, you should have fucked her. I mean, sex with her was kinda like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, but it's still decent," he chuckles, hitting the stop button and jumping down off the machine.

I follow behind him as he weaves his way into the lounge and falls face first onto the couch, snoring almost as soon as he's horizontal.

Finally.

I toss a few towels over him to keep him warm and leave a light on so he can see.

Although, the thought of him tripping and breaking his neck is rather appealing right now.

I lock him in and just pray that he'll sleep through the night.

And then I race back over to Bella's.

*()*()*

"So you _knew_ he was taking steroids and you were going out with him anyway? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? I mean…what would have happened had I not shown up when I did? He could have really hurt you," I yell, not meaning to yell at her but…come on.

"I never thought he would hurt me. I mean…he's usually so sweet and even-tempered," she sighs, rubbing at the tearstains on her cheeks.

My anger spikes when I see the bruises on her arms.

"Bella, you put yourself in danger. I can't believe you would treat yourself that way," I spit, my hands clenched tightly into fists.

I want to hit something.

"Why do you care so much, Edward?" she asks quietly, and I'm flabbergasted.

"How the hell can you ask me something like that? How could I not be frantic thinking about you getting hurt? I just…" I fade off, unable to even put into words how broken I would be if something ever happened to her.

"I'm not worth it," she whispers, nearly inaudible even in the absolute silence of the room.

I just stand there and stare at her.

"You're not…" my voice cracks and I have to take a deep breath before I can speak again. "How can you say that? Bella…you're _everything_."

She shakes her head and looks down at her hands, tears falling steadily.

She doesn't believe me.

I cross the room in just two strides and cup her precious face in my palms.

The pitiful look in her eyes is my undoing and the words spill from my lips before I can stop them.

"I can't get you out of my head, no matter how much I try. Your laugh, your smile…those are the things that keep me going when all I want to do is give up. I keep hoping that maybe by the time I'm at my goal weight, I will have earned your love, but you've had mine for a while now. My heart is yours…you are everything to me."

She is staring up at me, silent.

The tears continue to fall, pushed down off her lashes as she blinks.

I'm not even sure if she is breathing.

"Bella?" I whisper, fear making my voice hoarse.

A smile spreads across her lips, her eyes closing slightly.

And then she starts to laugh.

I would think she was laughing at me if I didn't hear the hysterical edge to it.

She's breaking down.

But at least I'm here to hold her up.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to watch you leave the bar with that girl? I actually started to follow after you, but Jake held me back. I was so scared that I had missed my chance with you. Because really…how would you ever be able to trust that I wanted you for the person inside and not the fancy new packaging?" she rambles, her body shaking as she starts to sob.

I pull her against me and just hold her, whispering nonsense into her ear and rubbing her back.

She presses her face into my chest, rubbing snot all over me…but I could care less.

When she goes limp, I pull her into my arms.

She's heavier than she looks, but I manage to get her down the hall and into her bedroom without faltering.

"Who would have thought you would ever be able to carry me?" she rasps, startling me out of my 'Bella is in my arms'-induced haze.

"I'll always be here to carry you, Bella. Always," I whisper as lay her out on top of the covers and watch as she curls into a ball, snuggling into her pillow.

I shouldn't stay in here with her.

I should just go out and crash on the couch.

Because there is no way in hell I'm leaving her alone tonight.

But my legs just won't move.

When she whimpers and starts to thrash around, it's instinctual.

I crawl up on the mattress and settle in behind her.

Her body fits so perfectly against mine.

She's like the good half of the Oreo.

You know…how when you pull the two halves apart, there is always one that has all the cream stuck to it.

That's my Bella.

And no matter how hard it gets...

I won't go without my missing half again.

**Yum…I always chuck that non-cream side.**

**You can thank my mom, who totally thought that Danny O'Donoghue from The Script was singing 'my lusty a-hole'.**

**See you next week…**


	12. Chapter 12

**You guys…you guys make me want to find each one of you and give you a big freaking hug! **

**I sucked balls and never sent this out to Lexi until this morning. Yeah…I know. So she didn't get to tackle this yet again. I hope my commas are where they should be (not that that is all Lexi does...but she is my comma Nazi ;)**

**Melanie saved my sorry ass and got this back in epic time. I'm so glad she understands I'm a slacker and loves me anyway.**

**There's some shit at the end…read it…or don't.**

"Holy shit! What time is it?" Bella shouts, pushing at my arms, which were wrapped comfortably around her waist.

"Wha?" I mumble, blinking my bleary eyes frantically as she douses the room with light.

Uncalled for.

"I have to get to the gym and make sure Jake is okay before Kate opens up," she says, as she stuffs her feet into a pair of sneakers and grabs my sweatshirt off of her dresser.

And then she stops and looks at me.

What do I say?

If she were to just ignore the entire Jake situation and let him deal with things by himself, she wouldn't be the girl I love.

So I try to smile, although it feels like I'm pulling on a mask.

"Should I…should I go?" I ask, praying that she'll tell me to stay and keep the bed warm for when she gets back.

Her smile is shy as she shakes her head and looks over at the clock on the nightstand.

"I should be back in an hour. You can stay…if you want," she says, pink exploding across her cheeks.

"See you soon then," I whisper, folding my arms behind my head as she walks out of the room.

I wait to hear the front door and then her car door close before I get up.

It'll take all my willpower not to search through her underwear drawer, but I would never disrespect her that way.

So I have an hour to try to learn a bit more about Bella and make sure I'm not still sporting wood by the time she gets back.

There should be some _Mission Impossible_ music playing in the background as I creep through her bedroom and out into the living room.

I feel like I'm intruding on her space, but she did tell me to stay.

The entire place is just so…Bella.

From the way it smells, to the paintings on the wall, it's all her.

And I love that I know that.

I'm surprised when I peruse the DVDs on her shelf.

Seriously…

_Twilight_?

I thought she had better taste than that.

But at least she has _Die Hard _and _Wedding Crashers _too, so we'll have something to watch when we're here.

And I suddenly realize I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm all in…I'm in for the long haul.

I'm picturing weekends spent crashed on the couch, while movies lend the soundtrack to our roaming hands and seeking tongues.

But maybe she's not thinking that way.

Maybe all she can give me is a hard workout and a slap on the ass.

But as I slowly spin around her private space, I decide that I'll take it.

No matter what she wants to give me…I'll take it.

*()*()*

Decisions…decisions.

I have about twenty minutes before Bella should be back, and I still need to deal with the overanxious bastard currently making a tent out of my boxer briefs.

No way am I going to jack it in her bed, so it looks like the shower might be my only option.

Plus I get the added bonus of washing off the remnants of the night at the bar.

I swear I can feel the layer of smoke, beer and skank perfume covering my skin.

I rush into the bathroom and reach past the clear shower curtain to get the water going, filling the small room with steam.

I yank my shirt up over my head and look at myself in the mirror above the sink.

Doubt begins to creep into my brain as the steam obscures my reflection.

She is so beautiful.

And I am so…not.

As the steam covers the mirror, I like my reflection a little more.

Distorted and opaque.

Sighing, I slink out of the rest of my clothes and get in the shower.

I don't really feel like tugging my junk anymore, but I'm still hard, so I guess I better.

It smells like Bella in here, all girly and delicate.

I take my hard flesh in my hand and slowly slide from base to tip.

Shit, that feels good.

With Bella's scent in my nose and the warmth of the shower, I know I won't last long.

I imagine that it's her hand wrapped around me.

She's standing behind me, using my body as shelter from the hot water and running her hands around my hips, pressing herself against me.

Her soft curves would feel so good as they press deeply into my back.

I drop my head back and let the fantasy spin through my mind.

I would reach back and cup her ass, squeezing those cheeks that have taunted me for weeks.

She'd gasp as my fingers sank into her flesh.

My eyes open wide as I realize that I didn't imagine that sound.

I look through the clear curtain and see Bella's flushed face peering back at me.

Well her eyes aren't really on _me_…

They're on my hand…more accurately, the appendage in my hand.

I want to cover myself.

I want to disappear.

But the way Bella is staring at me, her lip pulled between her teeth, makes me think that maybe she likes what she sees.

She likes…me.

That thought causes my hand to move along my length again, and her eyes get even wider as I stroke myself.

I feel the tension increasing…

The pressure growing…

Her eyes never leave the motions of my hand and I know it will only take one little nudge to push me over the edge.

And that is when she clenches her thighs together, moving her legs like she's a cricket adding a soundtrack to my wank session.

I swear I go deaf as the orgasm tackles me from behind, burning a path from the top of my head down through my feet.

I lean against the cold tile and open my eyes slowly, scared of what I might find.

Bella's hand is wrapped around her throat, her cheeks pink and her hair a wild mess from all the humidity.

I open my mouth to say something, but she speaks first.

"You have two minutes to dry off and get in my bed," she says, her voice hoarse.

She pulls her t-shirt up over her head and then tosses it onto the floor.

Her breasts overflow the cups of her bra and I'm hard again.

Apparently, now that I have an actual live girl in front of me, stamina is not an issue.

"I'm counting Edward," she giggles.

Her fingers slide under the strap of her bra and she pulls it away, letting it go so it sounds like the snap of a starting gun as she turns and runs down the hall.

Game on.

**So…I'm beginning to hate the fandom. Seriously. If I offended your friend, your sister, your aunt's neighbor's best friend…I'm sorry. If you feel the need to flounce on my hard work because I told the truth and stuck to my guns…you're not worth my time and feel free to fuck off. **

**This place is supposed to be a supportive place to have an opinion and enjoy the shared love of 'Twilight,' not try and put people down and be an elitist. **

**It really bothers me to hear that amazing people like Kharizzmatik were bullied to the point that she left. Yeah…that doesn't sit well with me. **

**I'm off the soap box now. The good news is…the next chapter is finished and I'm working on the one after. The bad news…I've only lost one pound since we started this whole ride…but I ran 10 miles in 95 minutes on Wednesday and then did an 8:15 minute mile on Thursday. Something's working…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Back again…**

**Melanie is killing me with 'Snowbound'. You're reading that, right?**

**Born…you know…**

**Important chapter…**

**Even more important info at the end…**

The frantic sound of the towel flapping is all I can hear as I rush to dry myself.

Is this really happening?

The girl of my dreams is waiting for me in her bedroom, where she may or may not be naked.

And I'm standing in her bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

All my insecurities come rushing back as I contemplate walking into her room and showing her all of me…not just a shadowed version half hidden behind a water-spotted curtain.

Every name I've been called echoes in my ears, breaking down the confidence I had been slowly building as I lost weight.

Tubby.

Chunky.

Fatward.

Lardass.

Fatty.

Fatty.

Fatty.

That's all I have ever known.

But Bella showed me I could be more.

And I wanted to be more…

For her.

But now…

"Edward! I'm waiting," she chirps from down the hall.

I take one last look at my reflection in the mirror before I bend down and pick up my jeans, sliding them up my legs…

Defeated.

*()*()*

She's under the covers, her discarded clothes forming a landing strip on the carpet…

Leading straight to her.

But she's expecting something I'm just not ready to give her.

"Bella?"

Her head pops free from the lavender cave of comforters, and the instant she sees me partially dressed, the smile melts off her face.

I can see the pain of rejection spread like the blush that now covers her cheeks.

"I…I'm not good enough yet," I whisper, shoving my hands in my pockets so I don't rush over and take her in my arms.

She clears her throat as she sits up, dragging the blankets up with her.

Damn.

Just because we aren't going to do anything…doesn't mean she can't flash me some boob or something.

"Edward, you know that I want you just the way you are. I've seen how much progress you've made and how strong you are now," she says quietly, her fingers moving restlessly across the sheets.

"But when I look at myself, I can't see that strength. And how can I feel like I'm enough for you…" I start to explain but she smashes her fist down into the bed, silencing me.

"Edward…in your mind you have me behind glass, spot lit like I'm a collectable. But I'm not like your action figures. Believe me, I'm _far_ from perfect and I won't get ruined if you play with me," she rants, that sweet flush of pink covering her chest as she realizes what she just said.

"But Bella, you have to understand that to me…you _are_ perfect. And if I ever did something to mess this up, it would kill me," I tell her.

When she reaches her hand out to me, I take it and let her pull me so I'm lying down next to her.

"I think we both have some things to work on before we can move forward," she whispers, laying her head down on my chest.

I put my arm around her bare shoulders and kiss the top of her head.

At least we'll be moving forward.

*()*()*

"If you think I'll take it easy on you now…you have another think coming!" Bella shouts as she tosses the medicine ball at me.

I grunt when the weighted globe smashes into my guts.

"You wouldn't be the girl I love if you didn't push me hard, Bella," I laugh breathlessly as I struggle to get my sweaty hands around the smooth surface.

I expect her to make some smartass comment, but there's only silence.

When I look up at her, her face is unreadable.

"Bella?"

She seems to shake herself out of whatever had her head fogged up and looks over at me.

"You ready to run?" she asks, turning and walking out of the gym without giving me another glance.

What the fuck just happened?

*()*()*

"No, I'm serious Rose. She just shut down," I sigh as I pass the salad bowl to her.

Family dinners are so different now that Rose is feeling better about herself.

I actually enjoy coming over and spending time with the two of them.

I just wish they could get pregnant because Rose was born to be a mother.

"And this was after you made a comment about loving her?" she asks, putting her fork down and giving me her undivided attention.

I nod as I push the food around on my plate, trying to remember exactly when things went to shit.

After Bella ran my ass into the ground, she gave me a peck on the cheek and then disappeared.

She hasn't answered any of my texts and I'm scared to call.

There's nothing worse than hearing it ring twice and then going to voicemail.

Being ignored hurts more than I thought it would.

"Had you told her you loved her before this?" she asks, reaching across the table to put her hand on my forearm.

I think about it and realize that no…it just slipped out.

My feelings for her are so strong that apparently the words just won't be contained.

"What do you know about her past relationships, Edward?" Emmett asks between forkfuls of wild rice.

"You mean like…who she dated and stuff?" I ask, feeling my stomach start to roll at the thought.

"You guys have been hanging out together for like…months now. You have to have had _the_ talk," he responds with an eye roll.

"Stop it, Emmett," Rose says softly, no doubt noticing that my hands are clenched into fists on the table.

I get to my feet and mumble some apology before I bolt for the bathroom and crouch over the toilet, my forehead resting against the cold porcelain.

Just because I don't have any romantic history doesn't mean she doesn't.

And suddenly, the thought of another man kissing that sweet spot behind her ear…

Or seeing her right after she's come undone...

Makes me homicidal.

I thought the disgust I felt for Jake had to do with his betrayal of Bella and the way he hurt her.

I never imagined I could be a jealous person.

But the churning hate in my gut says differently.

*()*()*

I'm so fucking pathetic as I sit in my car, parked right outside her house.

Her truck is in the driveway and the lights are on in her bedroom.

I'm just trying to get up the courage to go knock on her door.

I grab my phone and try one last text.

If she ignores me again…

Well, then I'm not sure what I'll do.

I hit send and just wait, my heart in my throat.

When my phone vibrates, I take a deep breath before I open the message.

And then I just stare at the words.

**I'm out with some friends. Maybe we can do something this weekend.**

The tremors start out of nowhere.

One second, the phone is in my hand and the next it's on the floor and my hands are jumping around like a pair of fish flopping on dry land.

I rest my head on the steering wheel and try to breathe through the shakes.

Once I finally feel like I can drive, I sit up and try not to look at her house.

But of course I fail.

As if I needed another dagger to the heart, I see her shadow walk through the muted light of her bedroom.

Then the pounding starts.

At first it was faint, like a thumping bass line coming from an open car window out on the 101.

But it gets louder and louder until I hear a door slamming.

And then I watch her streak across the yard, her bare feet beating a rhythm on the muddy grass as she disappears into the trees behind her house.

It takes me half a second to get my door open…and I'm following her into the darkness.

**Kitkat…are you going all New Moon on us? **

**Nope…not at all.**

**If you don't have me on alert…then you don't know I started a companion story called 'Recovering Fatty'. Think of it as a peek into Bella's journal. I am thinking that for every 2 or 3 chapters of 'Fatty', you'll get a look at what Bella was thinking. There will also be some old journal entries that Bella will share as she went through her own weight loss journey (don't hate on them too much, they are actually my own words from when I was at my heaviest). So check them out…I should be updating that early next week with the interaction with Jake and the shower scene ;)**

**Wanna hate on me? Do it. I have plenty of love from the rest of you.**

**You wearing your green today? I'm a go have a Guinness.  
><strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm going nearly solo on this on because my girl Melanie had a needle inserted in her eyeball yesterday…yeah you read that right. So I'm giving her the day off…nice of me, huh? It feels kinda wrong to post without her...like I'm going out without underwear on. Oops...I don't wear underwear :)  
><strong>

**I have infinite amounts of love for my gourd friend who was born on a Pagan holiday.**

**And to you all…I am literally speechless. And if you know me at all, you know I am very rarely speechless (I have 30…er…31…um…32 stories that prove that fact)**

**Bella updated her journal this week…check it out.**

**Ready?**

* * *

><p>It was surprisingly easy to catch up to her as her bare feet caught on roots and rocks.<p>

Her gasping breaths are interspersed with sobs, and each one cuts right through me.

I'm nearly upon her, when she trips and sprawls out across the damp ground.

"Bella!" I fall to my knees beside her, gathering her into my arms, even though she tries to push me away.

"What the hell, Bella?" I ask, forcing out my words between panting breaths.

She buries her face in my chest and my hands rest uselessly on her back.

I feel helpless as she sits back and wipes at the mud and grass and tears that cover her cheeks.

"I know you're mad that I lied to you Edward, but I'm just scared. When you look at yourself, you see the person you used to be…not who I see. Well it's the same for me, Edward," she says, her words spoken quietly into the darkness. "Every time I look in the mirror, or think about what I look like by your side, I see the girl that weighs 237 pounds. I see the girl that was teased and ridiculed nearly every day. You can tell me I'm beautiful until you're hoarse, but it won't help. Until I can believe I'm enough for you…I just can't give you my love."

I'm stunned silent at her words.

I want to tell her that it's too late…there's no stopping the kind of connection we have.

She's the beating heart in my chest and I could no more go without her…than I could survive without my heart.

Holding her close to my chest, I try not to grunt as I stand up, pushing with my legs to get us off the cold ground and then start the long walk back to her house.

"It's okay, Bella. I can be patient."

*()*()*

She's asleep by the time we get back to her house, and I lay her down gently on her soft mattress.

I go into her bathroom and turn on the hot water in the sink, desperately trying to ignore the memories that flood my brain as I remember the last time I was in this room.

Feeling like a creeper that I'm picturing the way her nipples hardened as she watched me fuck my own hand, I reach for a washcloth to distract myself.

When I glance back up at the mirror over the sink, which is now covered in steam from the hot water…

I'm floored.

There on the reflective glass were five words.

_Tell him you love him._

As the air slowly makes its way back into my lungs, I feel some hope energize my battered soul.

She feels it…

She's just can't tell me yet.

And I can live with that.

*()*()*

She moans as I swipe the warm washcloth over her scraped, dirty feet.

Her nails are painted bright pink and I love how delicate they look in my big hands.

I feel like I was actually able to take care of her, like a man should, as I tuck her legs beneath the blanket and toss the towel into the hamper.

The fear and insecurity she voiced earlier makes me think about what is going on between the two of us.

We're both trying to muddle through our past failures while attempting to build a relationship.

And we're failing at both.

She's not good enough for me…I'm not good enough for her.

But when we're together...

When she is standing at my side, and she smiles that beautiful smile up at me…I truly feel like I am worthy of her.

And I would hope the same might be true for her.

Maybe she can see past the back fat and thick thighs to the man that I want to be.

Together…we could be perfection.

But for now I just stand there and watch her sleep.

The little sniffles and whimpers she makes break my heart, but I don't want to disturb her by lying down next to her.

As my eyes drift over to her nightstand, I'm startled to see a package there with my name on it.

The white wrapping and red ribbon draw me over, and my fingers itch to reach out and rip it open.

It _does _have my name on it.

But no…I'll wait until she gives it to me.

Now that I've got her safely snuggled beneath her blankets, I'm torn.

I don't _need_ to stay.

But one look at her tearstained face and my decision is made.

*()*()*

"That does_ not_ look comfortable."

Bella's raspy voice has my eyes opening and my feet falling from their precarious perch on the edge of the coffee table.

My neck is a series of painful kinks as I lift my head from the arm of the couch, and I grimace as the vertebrae snap and click back in place.

"You're up," I observe, very astutely I might add, considering that she's standing right in front of me.

"Yeah…you were um, snoring pretty loud," she says quietly as I struggle to sit up on the cushions.

"Awesome," I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face and scratching at the itchy scruff on my chin.

I finally lift my head and take a good look at her, noticing the dark smudges under her eyes and the transparency of her cheeks.

She looks like shit.

"Gee, thanks. How about you tell me how you really feel?" she snaps, those pale cheeks flushing pink.

Oops…must have said that out loud.

She waves off my frantic apology as she sits down next to me.

It's only then that I notice she's holding the wrapped present in her hands.

Excitement bubbles in my chest as I hold onto my thighs or else I'm liable to grab the package out of her hands and tear into it like it's a special edition action figure.

"It has taken me a long time to get up the courage to give you this, Edward. I wanted you to know me…the _real _me. And in order to do that, I think you need to know who I used to be."

The gift changes hands and my fingers shake as I slowly rip through the paper.

The simple composition book is worn and old, and the date on the cover makes me pause.

September 2006.

Bella would have been 18...almost 19.

The thought of seeing into her teenage thoughts both excites and terrifies me.

What if she writes about her boyfriends?

I'm possessive to the point of rage even thinking about her being with someone else, what will happen if I actually have to see the words?

"Open it," she encourages, nudging my arm with her elbow.

I look up at her, unable to find the words to describe exactly what her gift means to me.

Maybe we can start moving forward.

Maybe this will be the beginning of our happily ever after.

I take a deep breath and slowly pull back the faded cover.

_September 3, 2006_

_Today, I will ask Eric Yorkie to Homecoming._

Or maybe not.

**Oh shit…**

**More updates to Bella's journal this coming week.**

**If you won't be offended that I made Jesus Christ a chick and Edward is the Anti-Christ…go check out my new fic 'Good vs Evil'. Don't say I didn't warn ya!**


	15. Chapter 15

**We had a 'Recovering Fatty' update yesterday. It was the shower scene…so yeah, you might want to check that out. **

**Your support and love for this little story is just overwhelming. I am so fail at hanging out in my facebook group, but I'm hoping to end that. More info at the bottom.**

**Without Melanie and my Pumpkin pal as encouragement for this story…I swear it wouldn't be half of what it is. Seriously…**

**So remember, Edward is reading Bella's journal…italics is what she is writing.**

**Hold on tight!**

* * *

><p><em>Eric is just…amazing. <em>

Gag me.

_He plays first base on the baseball team._

An athlete…awesome.

_And the way he walks…it makes my heart beat faster._

"Bella…I'm not sure I can do this," I whisper, pulling my eyes away from the words on the page and meeting her earnest brown eyes.

"I know this is hard, Edward. But I can't seem to find the words to explain why I'm so hesitant and scared. You need to experience it first hand," she says firmly, but her hand is gentle as she cups my chin and guides my face back to the page.

I take a deep breath and swallow down the jealousy that threatens to choke me.

_I'm wearing my new blue skirt. It's a size 18 and I'm so excited. I'm down from a 22. My yellow tank top and sweater are perfect for the warm fall day. I just know he will say yes…I just know it._

Her words make it so easy to picture her, excited and hopeful that she'll get the guy of her dreams.

My gut twists when I see the way her delicate handwriting changes into something darker as the entry continues.

_**It was supposed to be perfect. I asked him if he wanted to go to the dance and told him he didn't have to answer me right away…that we passed each other every morning in the quad and he could tell me then. **_

_**I barely slept that night, so anxious to hear his answer the next morning.**_

_**My eyes drifted over the faces in the crowd…eager to find him.**_

_**But he never showed.**_

_**He went a different way to class from that day on.**_

_**I could hear the snickers and taunts from his friends in the cafe. **_

_**My dad doesn't understand why all of the sudden I would rather spend my afternoons gutting the fish he caught than stay on campus after class.**_

_**But how can I tell him I just don't fit in?**_

_**I don't seem to fit in anywhere.**_

I can feel the tension in her as I turn the page.

It must get worse…I'm not sure if I can handle much more.

"Can I take this home with me?"

"I gave it to you, Edward. You can do whatever you want with it," she says softly as she pats me on the arm.

I close the book and hold it close to my chest as I stand up.

I turn and look at her.

"What size do you wear now?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, but I need to have a reference.

I have no idea how she used to look.

"Um…I wear a ten in most things. I can squeeze into an eight, but that usually means I'm sporting an epic muffin top," she says, and the ease with which she reveals such an intimate female statistic makes me realize that she wants there to be no secrets between us.

"I'm still wearing a XXL shirt. I had hoped I could fit into an extra large by now…but they're too tight," I ramble.

Bella smiles shyly as she looks up at me.

"You have to realize that you may never fit into 'normal' size clothes, Edward. Your shoulders are really broad and you're tall."

"I know, but I really wanted to be able to go into a place like the Gap and find clothes. I want to fit in," I sigh, the words from her journal echoing in my head.

My hands are restless as I spill my guts, so I drop the composition book onto the coffee table and yank at the hem of my shirt to give them something to do.

"It took me a long time to realize that fitting in is overrated," she laughs as she stretches her arms up over her head, giving me a glimpse of her belly.

I'm entirely too conscious of the thin layers of cotton and nylon that are struggling to contain my rapidly rising cock.

This girl has no idea that her every move entices me.

I clear my throat and try to shift my annoyingly inappropriate erection into a less obvious position, but of course Bella's eyes follow my awkward movements.

She spreads her arms over the top of the couch as she watches my hand with the kind of rapt attention that is usually reserved for car accidents.

I want her to ask if I want some help.

I want her to stand up slowly and walk over to me, her hips swaying hypnotically.

I want her to reach into my pants and cup me in her little hand, watching as she struggles to wrap her fingers around my girth.

I want _her_.

But the light of day is harsh and my fears flash like a slide show through my brain.

I don't know if Bella has been with other men before…and I need to have all the information before I can give myself to her.

So like the good little virgin I am, I ignore the way her nipples are pushing against the ribbed cotton of her shirt and try not to imagine they way they would feel pressing against my tongue.

"You can't hide from me again, Bella. If this is going to work we need to be honest with each other," I scold, my voice rough from both fear and desire.

Fear because if she runs again, I may not have the strength to go after her.

This game of hide and seek with her past and present is killing me.

And desire because...holy shit I am tired of using my hand to get myself off.

Her eyes widen before she flushes and looks appropriately contrite.

"I promise, Edward. No more hiding…from you or myself."

*()*()*

"I gained two pounds?" I gasp, unable to take my eyes away from the glowing red numbers on the scale.

There has been so much going on recently that it's easy to forget the reason Bella was in my life in the first place.

"Can you honestly say that you've been concentrating on your weight, Edward?" Bella says softly, a condescending hand placed on my shoulder.

"No, _Bella_, I've had a few things pop up recently," I spit, angry at her, angry at the scale…hell angry at the world.

"Just because things aren't going your way, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me," she snaps back, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at me.

"Well it's kinda hard to stay on track when you're having to keep track of your trainer's drugged up pseudo boyfriend and chasing people through the woods!" I yell…

And holy shit is she pissed.

"That's it! Get your ass outside. We're going to the track."

*()*()*

"Another sprint. Three, two, one…go!" she calls from where she is leaning against the railing.

I've been doing sprints, high knees and striders for the last hour.

My shirt is so sweaty; I bet I could wring the fucker out.

And yet she just keeps pushing me.

"Move!" she shouts, and I grit my teeth against the words I want to say.

Instead I push all that aggression into my legs, feeling my feet grip the textured track as my muscles pull against my bones to propel me forward.

"That's it! You're done," she yells as I cross the finish line.

I fight against the fatigue in my legs and force myself to walk over to where she is lounging against the fence.

"What…the fuck…was that?" I pant, my body still trying to recover from the beating she just inflicted upon me.

"I thought you needed a chance to get some of your aggression out. It was either this or I find some boxing gloves," she smiles, her eyes full of fire.

I wish she were a dude, because I want to smack her.

I want to yell in her face.

I want…

I capture her jaw in my damp hands and tilt her head to the side.

I can tell she's shocked, but I'm past caring.

She's let loose the beast and now she's going to have to face the consequences.

I taste her cry of surprise as my tongue darts into her mouth, my lips keeping the sound from breaking free.

Her hands reach for my shoulders…whether she wants to push me away or pull me closer, I can't tell.

And I don't care.

For once in my miserable life, I'm taking what I want.

And it is perfect.

**Holy shit! What next? You'll see next week…**

**Anyway…I'm trying to stay motivated and make sure that any of you that are using Fattyward as inspiration are getting what you need from him. So here is my plan…**

**Edward's 5k.**

**Yep…it is completely ridiculous to think we can all get together to run a race…but we can all do it on the same day wherever we are. So my plan is to set up the 'race' for June 3****rd****. It is a Sunday and just about 2 months away. That should give anyone who wants to start getting ready for it plenty of time to get their ass in gear. I'm planning several 'prizes' for the top three times and top three in each age group. **

**So if you want to do it…make the commitment. And on June 3****rd****…no matter where you are…get out and run/walk/jog…hell skip, that 3.1 miles and maybe you can win a prize. And I'm not talking about an early update prize…a real, in the mail prize.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey all! We're back on track with Edward's weight loss…so that is there for you at the top again.**

**Your love and support for him (and me) is overwhelming. I know I say it over and over but it is totally true.**

**This wouldn't be half of what it is without my Melanie.**

**And my pumpkin…yeah, she knows.**

**Info at the bottom!**

* * *

><p><strong>Week 14<strong>

**Weight: 289**

**Total weight loss to date: 74 pounds**

Her hands are in my hair now, tangling in the sweaty mess on top of my head.

My arms are wrapped around her, crushing her little body against mine.

It is perfect.

_She_ is perfect.

Holy shit…we might be ready to finally…

"Hey Fatty! Stop trying to swallow that poor girl and get back to running!"

I freeze for a minute before I pull away, dropping one last sweet kiss on her love-swollen mouth and rest my forehead against hers.

I'm still panting hard, but it's not from running anymore.

It's all her.

"What an asshole," she sighs, licking her lips like she is savoring my taste.

Holy shit if that isn't the hottest thing I've ever seen.

"Yeah, but the dude has a point," I relent as I break away and reach for her hand.

She glares at me as she grasps my hand tightly, swinging our arms together as we head back toward the gym.

"I thought I told you to stop calling yourself names," she scolds, but I surprise her by laughing.

"No, silly girl. I mean I really_ was_ trying to swallow you," I say slyly, winking at her.

Her cheeks flush as she ducks her head down, no doubt thinking about some other places we both would enjoy having my mouth.

"Do you want me to make you do more sprints?" she teases, but I know she doesn't mean it.

I'm over my weight gain and the stress of the past few weeks.

And I'm ready to move forward.

*()*()*

Taunting me.

Bella's journal is taunting me.

She is at some seminar on yoga and I'm wandering around my apartment trying to remember exactly what the hell I used to do before Bella.

And coming up with a whole lot a nothing.

I would hit up Jasper and play some COD, but he is out with Alice…

Again.

Things are going well with them.

He let it slip that Alice was a virgin, so they're waiting a bit longer to do the deed.

I know he is super excited about being Alice's one and only.

It makes me wonder if Bella will be as excited.

I mean, I thought girls wanted a guy who knew what the hell he was doing?

Shit…now all this thought of sex has me hard.

I grab a light beer from the fridge and flop onto my chair, queuing up the DVD that is constantly in.

As the credits start rolling, I set my beer on the table and push my sweats down.

I have my trusty jizz rag next to me as the good stuff starts going.

But instead of just closing my eyes and listening to the actors get it on like I usually do, I watch them.

I notice the way his hand runs over the curve of her breast, fingers tugging gently on her puckered nipple.

Her tits are fake, but I just imagine Bella's supple softness in their place.

He is surprisingly gentle as he lays her back on the weight bench and settles between her spread legs.

Yes, I went out and found a porn set in a gym…sue me.

The chick is bare, and it makes me wonder if Bella is bare or not.

Hell, I wouldn't care if I needed to floss afterwards, as long as she let me down there.

I can't imagine how trusting a woman must have to be to let a man into that intimate part of her.

My hand comes up and I start thrusting my hips against my palm as I picture what Bella would look like.

She wouldn't be all beat to shit like this actress is.

She would be pretty and delicate and she would be wet for me.

I would nuzzle her open with my lips, taking sips of her subtle wetness.

Her hands would guide me where she wanted me, nails grazing my scalp as I hit her most sensitive parts.

And then…

Fuck!

I open my eyes and look down at my spent cock and the jizz rag that will soon be able to stand up on its own.

These orgasms alone are empty and meaningless.

Yes, I get that rush and the tingle that runs from my balls to my brain.

But all I can think about is how much better it would be if Bella was here with me.

Sighing, I clean myself up and turn the TV off.

*()*()*

After a shower and another beer, since the first got warm, I'm once again faced with Bella's journal.

I take a deep breath before I pull it over into my lap and open it up.

Here we go…

_October 15th_

_My job at the Lodge isn't all that exciting._

_Except for him._

_I have no idea why I'm drawn to him._

_He's not really anything I'd look for in a guy._

_He's just a little bit taller than I am. _

_His hair is a mess of blond, awkwardly chopped short all over by some Cosmetology school dropout._

_His whiskers, when they come in, are bright red._

_But for some reason, he likes me._

_So…I'll take a chance._

_October 18__th_

_Oh…my…God! He kissed me._

_He was dropping me off after our date, and he helped me out of his jeep and…he just kissed me._

_I didn't see fireworks or feel the earth move under my feet, but it was nice._

He _is nice._

_I think that he might be safe._

_And it's comfortable with him._

_Comfortable is good…right?_

I'm glad I already whacked off…because there is no way I could get it up now.

I can already tell that this is the guy that took my girl's virginity.

And God help the Ginger if he broke her heart.

Because I'll find him and kill him.

*()*()*

"So then she tells me to hold on tight, because she's going to make me wish I was never born!" Jasper jokes as he sits back in his chair, a beer resting on his bent knee.

It's Friday night and we're all lounging in Bella's backyard getting ready to eat her famous barbeque.

I call it rabbit food on a grill.

Jasper has been regaling us with tales of Bella's vicious workouts, with some help from Alice, who is snuggled into his side.

If you had asked me six months ago if I ever thought I would be on a double date…or a date at all, I would have spit soda in your face.

Full calorie soda at that.

But now I just try to remember that I'm deserving of this happiness and enjoy it.

I wink at Bella as she walks past me with a tray of veggie hot dogs and manage to restrain myself from sticking my foot out to trip her.

Not that I would want her to get hurt, but if she accidently dropped those Smart Dogs on the ground and we had to call out for pizza, that wouldn't be a bad thing.

Seriously…even dogs wouldn't eat those things.

But I love her, so I'll eat whatever she cooks.

"Dude, is she cooking play dough?" Jasper whispers as he watches Bella lay the flesh colored links on the grill.

"No man, they're veggie dogs. I think there's some tofu in them too," I grimace, trying not to puke in my mouth.

"I'll make a diversion while you get rid of them. I don't care what you have to do, but there is no way I am eating that shit," he says as he gets up and looks around the yard.

I roll my eyes when I see him spot the hose.

I walk behind Bella, leaning over her shoulder so I can see the aforementioned disgusting dogs.

She smiles up at me as I wrap my arms around her and pull her so her back is flush with my front.

I'm wondering if maybe I just can't distract her long enough so the hot dogs burn to a crisp.

"Hey Bella!"

We both turn toward the sound of Jasper's voice and he unleashes a torrent of water on us.

I pull her away from the grill, which is now full of water and try and tuck her behind me to protect her from the freezing spray.

She is giggling madly, batting at my hands in an effort to get to Jasper, but I'm bigger than she is and I manage to keep her from getting too wet.

By the time Alice gets the hose away from Jasper, both Bella and I are soaking wet and the grill is making a weird sputtering sound.

Veggie hot dogs are ruined and we both look like drowned rats, but I couldn't think of a better way to spend an evening.

**So…Edward's 5k now has a blog!**

**Fattyward . blogspot . com**

**There you can find some info about training. See the age group breakdown AND take a look at some of the ah-mazing prizes I'm working on. Cheryl Hagan has VERY generously donated one of her custom luminaries as a prize for the top three overall! You can check out her amazing work here…**

**Cherylscreativeblock . etsy . com**

**I'm thrilled and awed at her generosity. **

**I have also done the math and figured out the distance for both a swim and bike if you can't/don't want to run. If you want to do it on a treadmill or elliptical…that is awesome too! **

**I just hope that we all stay honest and not try to bump our numbers to win **

**See you next week!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi! **

**Melanie is the cheese on my pizza…and without her I would suck.**

**Did you know I love Pumpkins? LOVE…**

**Info at the end.**

* * *

><p><strong>Week 14-15<strong>

**Weight: 284 pounds**

**Total weight loss to date: 79 pounds**

Doing dishes has never been as fun as it is with Bella beside me.

We sent Alice and Jasper off after one too many inadvertent flashes of boob.

Jasper has wandering hands and Alice has taken to wearing tight shirts to show off her new body.

Those two things add up to buttons flying open at any given time.

After Bella and I dried off from our impromptu shower courtesy of Jasper, we ordered some veggie pizza and lounged around in the damp grass.

As long as it wasn't those flesh colored tubes of tofu and came with a crust and cheese, I was good with the veggies.

Now the dishes are done and I'm standing like an idiot with my back against the doorframe, praying that she'll ask me to stay.

She has been wiping the same spot on the counter for like five minutes now, and I can't take it anymore.

I cross her little kitchen and put my hand over hers, stilling the rag's frantic movements.

"I think its clean now, Bella."

She looks up at me and I can see the indecision in her eyes.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" I ask, and I swear I can see the tension drift out of her like air escaping a balloon.

"Yeah…yeah I do," she whispers as she releases the rag and threads her fingers through mine, pulling me into the living room.

When she grabs a DVD off the shelf and continues towing me down the hall, I'm suddenly regretting my suggestion.

"I usually watch movies in bed. Do you mind?" she asks, putting the DVD in the player and flopping down on her bed.

Her absolute ignorance as to just how sexy she is astounds me as she slides off her socks and stretches out her toes.

Gah…she's killing me.

"Here…sit down," she says with a smile, patting the spot next to her.

I turn my back on her, feigning difficulty in removing my shoes and socks, while I'm really tucking the head of my erection into the waistband of my boxer briefs.

I lean back on the pile of pillows that are resting against her headboard and she snuggles up next to me, throwing her thigh over my legs.

Her hair tickles my jaw as she settles her head on my shoulder, her eyes on the TV.

My eyes are on our feet.

There is nothing erotic or overtly sexual about the sight, yet I'm captivated and overwhelmingly aroused none the less.

Her feet are pale and delicate, the cuts and scrapes she suffered during her midnight barefoot run are long gone.

My feet are huge in comparison to hers, the skin tan and dusted with blond hair.

But what has me shifting against the pillows, is just how right those four feet look together.

*()*()*

I'm glued to the ground.

I can't move.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I watch her wrap her arms around him.

I can't see his face from where I'm standing, but I can see hers.

She is smiling widely as she reaches up to put her hands on his cheeks.

Her eyes flutter closed and then I stop breathing as I watch her lips press against his.

"Edward!"

I jack myself up off the mattress, my fisted hands pushing me upright so I'm standing next to the bed.

The only sound is my frantic panting as I try and recover from the dream.

Well…nightmare.

I look over my shoulder at Bella, who is sitting up on her knees looking at me.

The DVD menu is glowing on the screen and I realize I must have fallen asleep while we were watching the movie.

One final deep breath and I feel like I have myself under control.

I sit down on the bed with my feet planted firmly on the floor.

Bella wraps herself around me, her chin on my shoulder and her cheek pressed against mine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispers, and I know if I say no she would let it drop.

But we're not hiding anymore.

"You were kissing someone…right in front of me."

Her breath hitches before I feel her chest expand with her deep inhale.

"That would _never_ happen, Edward," she says and I know this…I know.

But knowing that she once _did_ kiss someone else eats at me.

I guess it's the fact that I've gone nearly twenty five years without so much as having my lips come in contact with female flesh.

Until Bella.

And I know that before we do anything more than snuggle, I need to finish reading her journal.

*()*()*

The music is pounding loudly in my ears as I run.

My muscles and joints and bones ache, but I can't stop.

And as I feel the cold rain soak through my clothes, I welcome the numbness.

_I lost my virginity last night._

Those words are the only thing I can see.

I don't know why it came as such a surprise.

I knew he was the one.

Yet when I turned the page of her journal last night, ready to read more about Bella's first year of college…

There it was.

_It hurt more than I thought it would and I'm not sure what the big deal is about it._

_I guess maybe the next time will be better._

I should be glad that he wasn't some sex god that managed to get her off the first time.

But I'm not.

All I can think about is that he took what should have been mine.

So I'm running to try and forget.

I'm running to try and relax.

I'm running to try and get away from this searing jealousy that seems to have taken over my every thought.

And then suddenly…I'm falling.

I reach forward automatically to try and stop my face from hitting the asphalt and my iPhone goes skidding across the street.

My knees take the brunt of my weight, followed by my palms.

I quickly scan the area to make sure no one saw me, because at this point, that might be worse than the dull pain I'm feeling.

Thankfully I'm in a quiet neighborhood and it looks like no one is around.

I roll over onto my back and inspect my hands.

Other than some gravel embedded into my skin and a bit of blood, they seem to be okay.

The same cannot be said for my knees.

Blood has already run down my shin and is catching on the cuff of my sock.

When I try to stand, something twinges deep in the joint and I have to sit back down.

Fuck.

I crab walk over to where my phone is lying in a puddle and thank God that the Otterbox case has kept it from being damaged.

Knowing I have no choice, I call the one person I know will be there for me.

And after just two rings, I hear her voice.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

*()*()*

"I'm getting your couch wet," I whine as she helps me prop my leg up on the coffee table.

Of course Bella came to my rescue as soon as I explained what had happened.

And now four hours, two x-rays and a pair of crutches later…she is trying to get me comfortable in her living room.

"Edward, your shorts were dry hours ago. Quit your bitching and let me take care of you. You heard what the doctor said; you need to be off that leg for a few days. A sprain is nothing to fool around with," she says, putting the ice pack down on top of my bandaged knee.

I lean my head back and put my arm over my eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with everything.

When I feel her tiny hand on my leg, I break down.

I try to hold in the tears, I really do…but I just can't keep it inside anymore.

The combination of the fall and her long lost innocence have left me utterly ruined.

I'm not a man.

I'm a fool who thinks because he lost some weight he might actually be deserving of Bella's love.

I feel like I'm taking one step forward and four steps back.

And I'm starting to wonder if it is even worth it.

I sniffle quietly as I try to ignore the way the tears tickle my face as they roll down.

Bella curls herself into my side, her little body fitting perfectly next to me.

Her finger runs through the wet trail on my face and I hear her breath catch.

"I love you, Edward."

I pull my arm away and lift my head, staring down at her.

Her eyes are damp and her cheeks are flushed as she looks up at me.

"What?" I rasp.

"I love you," she says, so easy and free, like she has been saying it forever.

"I don't deserve you," I whisper, reaching out to cup her jaw.

"You do, Edward. You deserve me and so much more," she breathes as she pushes up onto her knees and presses her lips to mine.

**Over in the Facebook group we are supporting each other as we start to train for the 5k. Come on over and get a pat on the back…or some ice packs **

**The blog will continue to be updated with the prizes as soon as I get them finished. I'm kinda hoping none of our boys win, only because…are they really going to want handmade soap and candles or jewelry? **

**Love to you all!**

**MWAH!**


	18. Chapter 18

**My love for you all is epic.**

**Melanie was only slightly pissed while editing this…but I still think her additions are amazing.**

'**Da pumpkin made sure I didn't offend anyone…although I did ignore her advice about snot…snot is funny.**

**Onward!**

* * *

><p><strong>Week 15-16<strong>

**Weight: 282 pounds**

**Total weight loss to date: 81 pounds**

Bella gently thrusts her tongue into my mouth and I can't get enough of her taste.

She moves closer to me, her body pushing against mine and I suddenly have to start thinking about how many calories are in saliva or else I'm going to come in my pants.

Overstimulation much?

She has one hand in my hair and the other on the collar of my shirt as she moves forward again, gasping into my mouth.

I twist toward her, needing to feel her skin, but the sharp twinge in my knee has me moaning, and not in a good way.

"Oh shit, Edward! I forgot about your knee," she sighs regretfully as she sits back on her heels and looks at me.

But she doesn't look sorry.

She looks aroused; her cheeks are flushed and her lips are perfectly pink.

And I want those lips back on mine.

"It's no big deal, Bella. I just turned the wrong way," I say with a smile, hoping I might be able to talk her into coming back over and kissing me some more.

'Cause I sure as hell wasn't sorry about the kissing.

But my hopes are crushed when she pushes her hair off her face and stands up.

"How about something to eat?" she asks over her shoulder as she heads into the kitchen.

I lean my head back against the couch and try to ignore the throbbing in both my knee and my cock.

She loves me.

The smile that spreads across my face is so wide, it hurts my cheeks.

"How about some Smart Dogs?" she calls and the smile falls.

Shit.

Definitely should have stuck with the kissing.

***()*()***

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

I turn and look at Jasper as he walks over to me.

I couldn't just sit around, so even though I can't work out, I came down to the gym.

It's not my fault that the most comfortable chair just happens to have a perfect view of Bella's yoga class.

And let me tell you…downward-facing dog?

Makes me want to sit up and beg for a bone.

And God knows my dick was more than ready to be boned.

"Shut it," I laugh, swiping at him with my crutch when he sits down next to me.

He starts fidgeting in the chair, his hands running through his thinning hair as his legs jump up and down.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask, unable to deal with his impression of popcorn.

"I'm thinking about asking Alice to move in with me."

Whoa.

I must be silent for too long, because he starts blabbering incessantly.

"I know it seems soon. And I know we've only known each other for a few weeks, but I really think she is the one for me. She is the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. Hell, I even got rid of my Princess Leia cutout because she said it freaked her out. But the one thing that solidifies it all for me is that we haven't even had sex yet. I love her for so many reasons and my penis penetrating her vagina isn't even a factor. So you can go ahead and tell me I'm an idiot…but I'm not changing my mind."

I look at him for a second before I completely lose it.

I start laughing so loud it echoes through the entire gym.

Everyone is looking at me, but I could care less.

Through Jasper's awkward ramblings, he has helped me understand something.

Love can soothe a jealous soul.

Love can heal a broken heart.

Love can change your entire outlook.

As I wipe my eyes and look across the gym, meeting Bella's confused gaze, I suddenly realize that love can conquer all.

And I finally think I'm ready to show her that.

***()*()***

"Alice is moving in with Jasper."

Bella's quiet voice startles me as I finish getting ready for bed.

She insisted that I stay with her until I was able to ditch the crutches.

In the guest room, of course.

I may be faking my limp a little bit at this point, but the thought of going back to my plain, boring, Bella-less apartment feels like torture.

I sit down on the bed and yank off my socks, looking up at her with a secret smile.

After I had my epiphany, I told Jasper to go for it.

And apparently he didn't waste any time.

"Oh yeah?"

She plants her fists on her hips and shifts her weight to her right leg – her 'I know you know something' stance.

"Did you have anything to do with her change in address, Edward?" she questions and I stand up and walk over to her.

She glares at my smooth stride, eyeing the crutches that are sitting collecting dust in the corner.

I stop when I'm directly in front of her, forcing her to tip her head back to maintain eye contact.

As I look down at her, I can't help but notice she has an epic booger in her right nostril.

While that might have grossed me out on anyone else, on Bella…my soul mate, it's just part of what makes her perfect for me.

"Jasper told me he was going to ask her and I supported him. He loves her – and life's too short," I whisper as I reach up and wipe the booger away.

She flushes pink and tries to cover her face, but I grab her hands.

"Stop!" I chuckle as she fights against my hold and she eventually gives up with a sigh.

"You could have just told me I had a bat in the cave," she huffs, glaring up at me.

I yank her forward so her head rests on my chest.

She doesn't hesitate as she wraps her arms around my waist and holds me tight.

We stand there for a few minutes before she pulls away.

"So…life's too short?" she asks as she slowly reaches for the hem of her shirt.

My eyes are locked on the inch of skin that is exposed.

I will always have an unfounded jealousy and insecurity when it comes to Bella, but I can learn to deal with that.

What I can't deal with is not having her in my life.

So, taking a deep breath, I step closer and still her hands.

Looking down into her breathtakingly beautiful face, I have to clear my throat before I can speak.

"Life is _way_ too short, Bella. And I'm ready to make you mine."

**Ready? I know I am…**

**Next chapter…nakedness.**

**Everyone having fun training for the 5K? Yeah…didn't think so. But remember, it is just three miles. You can do anything…I believe in you. So plan your attack…walk, run, jog, skip…whatever. **

**Just commit yourself to doing it. **

**The few things I am reading, I thought I would share with you…these three are all vamp…**

**Ladyeire3's 'Bella Swan and the Tablet of Truth' – this has been complete for a while, but the humor and fast-paced excitement of this is not to be missed.**

**MB Massin's '****Pugnatrix Regina****'- this is new…only a few chapters in and the vamps are different in it, but I am anxious to see where he is taking it.**

**Bexie25's 'Femme Fatale'- Bad ass, human sucking, Bella vamp. Hell yeah.**


	19. Chapter 19

**The prizes for the race are all ready. In addition to Cheryl's beautiful luminary for our first place winner…I have handmade some things for the second and third place finishers.**

**You can see pictures of the prizes on the blog ( Fattyward. blogspot . com) as well as in my photobucket album. There are also some pictures of what I think Edward would look like in this stage of his weight loss (my brother and Channing Tatum TOTALLY gave me permission to use their images ;)**

**s1164 . photobucket . com/albums/q565/kitkatcullen/Fattward**

**Melanie…without her this would be complete and total shit. No, I'm dead serious. **

**Pumpkin…yeah, you know.**

**You guys…I really hope you enjoy these next two chapters. You knew it would eventually get here…**

* * *

><p><strong>Week: 16-17<strong>

**Weight 280 pounds**

**Total weight loss: 83 pounds**

"I've never done this before."

My words are uttered on a nearly silent puff of air.

Her shirt is lying on the floor, the only thing separating me from her breasts is a layer of slippery satin.

But I needed her to know before we go any further that this is probably going to be an epic clusterfuck.

No pun intended.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I have no idea how to make this good for her aside from the shit I learned watching porn.

And seriously…the guys go down on the girls for like a second, and their fingers seem so rough and careless, I'm pretty much flying blind.

I don't want to be rough and careless with Bella.

I want to show her how much she means to me; I want it to be tender and passionate and perfect.

Her entire face softens, making her even more beautiful as she reaches up and cups my face.

"I know, Edward. And the fact that you are sharing this with _me_, I can't even put into words what that means," she soothes.

We somehow close the distance between our mouths and then it is just the smooth slide of tongue against tongue.

Her erratic breaths bursting into my mouth arouse me like nothing else and I'm desperate for more.

I want to taste her…devour her.

My hands seem to relish their freedom as they wrap around her hips and start a slow ascent up her prefect flesh.

Her skin is like velvet below my palms and I wonder how it will feel when she's beneath me.

Will my belly get in the way?

Will I even be able to hold myself up over her?

Nerves invade our bubble of lovely perfection and I feel my confidence start to take a nosedive.

Bella must notice my lack of response and she pulls back.

Her cheeks are flushed and she's breathless as she reaches for my hand.

"Come on…let's go to my room."

I follow behind her, watching the way her hips sway and swing with every step.

She is so fucking magnificent.

She drops my hand when we get in her room and I'm overwhelmed with the scent of her that just emanates from everything in here.

The small light on her nightstand is bathing the room in a weak glow, leaving just enough shadows to make me comfortable.

With a sly glance over her shoulder, she reaches into her bedside table and pulls out a box.

And suddenly I can't breathe.

She tosses the seemingly innocent package onto the bed as she walks back over to stand in front of me.

She places my hands on her waist once more, while her fingers move to the bottom hem of my shirt.

"Edward, where are you? You seem like you're miles away. Come back to me," she whispers against my chest and I let my eyes drift from the pack of condoms to her face.

"I bought those after the shower," she admits, her cheeks and chest flushing a delicious rosy pink.

Okay…at least they aren't remnants from the last guy.

I don't even know when the last guy was.

"It's been a long time for me, Edward. Years," she says as she slides her fingers beneath my shirt and onto the slightly, protruding flesh of my hips.

Shit.

Suddenly all of my attention is on the flab she is currently touching.

The fact that she just revealed that she hasn't has sex in a while is forgotten as I agonize over my flaws.

"And right now, Edward, it's just you and me. You're all I want…all I'll ever want," she breathes as she runs her hands around to my back.

Okay…better territory there.

My low back is pretty chub-free and I sorta like the dimples right above my ass.

I take a shuddering breath and try to push any lingering insecurities away.

She loves me.

She's seen me at my worst and yet she is still here, ready to show me the most intimate part of her.

Doubt doesn't belong here.

Jealousy and insecurity are not welcome in Bella's arms.

So when she starts to pull my shirt over my head, I let her.

Her eyes have never been so soft or soulful as they are when she looks up at me.

I feel safe as her gaze caresses my body.

I can _feel _her love.

And that gives me the confidence to do what I have wanted to do from the moment I saw her.

I reach my hands up and cup the heavy, satin-covered softness of her breasts.

"Fuck…" I moan as I feel their weight settle in my palms.

She starts to giggle, but the sound dies in her throat when my thumbs rub over her nipples.

I resist the urge to just jiggle the hell out of them and instead, lean down and press my lips against her slightly parted ones.

My fingers twist and play with her nipples and I feel comfortable doing this…like moving from the trigger to the X and Y button on my Xbox controller.

And from the way she is moving, it seems like I might be winning this game.

She pulls her mouth from mine as her hands make their way up my spine and hold on tightly to my shoulders.

She feels so small as she grabs me and I can't help but groan when I feel the slight bite of her nails in my skin.

_Oh yes…mark me._

Somehow, we've moved over so that the bed is right behind her and it just takes one little push to send her falling.

I grab onto the bottom of her sweats and watch, slack jawed, as her body is slowly revealed.

Her plain gray panties make me whimper and the way she kicks her little feet free of the pants tells me she is more than ready to move faster.

Standing shirtless at the end of the bed, I watch as she lies back on the pillows.

I never in a million years thought that I would ever have a nearly naked girl sprawled out on a bed, waiting for me.

Especially one as gorgeous as Bella.

But here she is.

I put one knee up on the mattress and crawl up to her.

I ignore the way my belly flab flops over the waistband of my sweats as I settle next to her.

She smiles at me as I let my finger dip under the cup of her bra.

I'm a man possessed as I reach behind her and fumble with the catch of her bra.

When I finally manage to get it undone, after a few minutes and some very colorful language, I remove it slowly.

Drawing out the anticipation.

And then there they are.

Bella immediately slides her arms against her side and uses her forearms to push her boobs together, but I can tell from the slightly frantic look on her face that something's not right.

I reach for her wrists and gently pull her arms away, watching as her luscious boobies sorta slide down toward her armpits.

Oh…

OH!

She's insecure about herself as well.

And that makes me love her even more.

I kiss her gently as I use my hands to press her breasts together.

"I love you."

I open my eyes when I hear her soft words and the tears I see running down her face are perfect.

"I love you, Bella."

Feeling her trust helps me to be able to take the last step.

My hands shake as I sit back on my knees and reach for the tie of my sweats.

Bella's eyes are on my slightly trembling fingers and they widen even more when she sees that I'm commando beneath the soft cotton.

I kick awkwardly to try and get the pants off without moving, but it doesn't really work that well and I end up sorta flopping onto the bed next to Bella.

This works to my advantage though, because she takes the opportunity to climb up on top of me and _damn_ if that isn't a spectacular view.

Her dark hair falls over her shoulders, slightly obscuring my view of her boobs, but I'll forgive her.

Her sweet little waist flairs out to hips that are just begging to be grabbed.

But the best part is the love and trust in her eyes.

I can feel the heat of her pussy through her panties and I instinctually move my hips upward, searching for that glorious feeling that odes are written about.

She sighs and throws her head back as she presses down against me.

My hands make a mad grab for her, desperate to stop her from moving again because suddenly I'm right on the edge.

But she looks down at that exact moment and bites her plump lower lip and that's it.

Game over.

When I finally open my eyes again, disgusted by the wetness I feel on my stomach, I avoid Bella's eyes.

I'm embarrassed…oh God, I have never been more humiliated in my life than I am at this moment.

I blew my load all over myself like a teenager.

Fuck.

I jump when I feel her hand trailing through the mess on my abdomen and I look down.

Her fingers are sliding through my cum and I watch, mesmerized, as she slowly takes those fingers and brings them to her mouth.

When her tongue peeks out and she gently laps at the moisture, I feel myself start to get hard again.

"Are you ready for round two?" she questions as she pushes against me and stands up on the bed.

Those innocent gray panties slide down her thighs, leaving me staring up at her in all her feminine glory.

Ready?

Apparently when it comes to her, I was born ready.

**So yeah…premature ejaculation.**

**I'm a bitch. **

**But at least they are both naked now!**

**Next chapter we will have penetration…I promise.**

**Go check out the blog…only about a month left till the 5k. **

**And wish me luck…my first race of the season is Sunday, a 5 miler. I'm hoping to finish top 10 in my age group but it is a 10 year spread. **

**See you next week! **

**MWAH!**


	20. Chapter 20

**It's finally here. No more foreplay…no more cockblocking…**

**My Pumpkin held my hand…**

**My Melanie made things perfect and made me smile.**

**I came in third place in my age group in that race last weekend…go me.**

**And you all MIGHT need some time alone after this chapter…**

* * *

><p>I had imagined this moment countless times, but the reality is a million times better.<p>

There are no awkward shuffling or graceless movements as Bella slowly lowers herself so she is straddling me once more.

My hands know the exact path to take, running up the outside of her calf and then past her knees to grasp tightly to her thighs.

She covertly grabs her discarded panties, using them to wipe off the remnants of my earlier excitement and as she tosses them away, I try to do the same with my embarrassment.

Her hair falls down around my head as she leans forward, her lips gently pressing against my own.

Though the thought of her licking my spunk should have made this sweet moment gross…instead it only adds to the intimacy.

Her breasts press against my chest and I can feel how hard her nipples are.

I'm suddenly desperate to taste them.

I wrap my arms around her back and flip us over, making sure that I land on my elbows and knees and don't flatten her like a pancake.

Her giggle makes my heart swell as she looks up at me.

"Nice move," she says coyly as she moves her hands up over my shoulders.

I can feel how small she is with her beneath me like this.

I love it.

I slowly lower my mouth to her delectable throat, unable to keep my teeth from her flesh.

Nibbles and bites seem to spur her on and before I know it, I have a writhing mess of girl under me.

I reach for her hands and thread our fingers together, pulling her arms up so they are over her head.

I'm thankful I have long-ass arms as I start the descent toward her nipples.

Her skin is so pale; the dark pink of her nipples is a stark contrast.

I can't help but wonder if I can make them even darker by sucking on them.

Bella's back arches and she tightens her hold on my fingers as I take one juicy nipple into my mouth.

The textured flesh fits perfectly against my tongue and I've now found my new favorite food.

I take my time and discover what she likes.

A bit of teeth…

Some tongue…

And a lot of suction.

I worry I'll end up bruising her with my love bites, but it seems she could care less.

I let go of her hands so I can move lower and her fingers weave their way into my hair.

Perfect.

Now she can guide me where she wants me to go.

I'll be the trusty joystick that she can move and direct around.

My tongue wants to taste more of her sweet flesh, but I seem to be running out of spit.

So instead I press wide, open-mouthed kisses to the soft flesh of her belly and the flat spot in front of her hipbone.

By the time I'm close to my ultimate goal, I'm nearly drunk off her scent.

She smells so good.

My salivary glands must react to the fragrance because I suddenly feel like I'm drooling.

Her hair down here is cropped close; short, soft strands just covering her slit.

I brush my cheek over the smooth skin of her inner thigh, loving the way she jumps and moans when my nose grazes where she is wet for me.

And she is _so_ wet.

I can see it dripping down onto the mattress beneath her and I'm dying to see if she tastes as good as she smells.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," I whisper against her most intimate flesh, a confession only her pussy can hear.

Her body rocks on the bed as my warm breath wafts over her.

Those nimble fingers in my hair press me forward and I lead with my tongue, using the tip to part her folds.

"Oh yes, Edward," she sighs as I nudge my way inside.

My taste buds struggle to find the right description to send to my brain.

Tangy.

Sweet.

Musky.

I settle for just calling her perfect and delve deeper.

It takes me a moment to familiarize myself with the landmarks.

Even if I didn't know where her clit was, the way she jumped and cried out when I sucked it between my lips would have been a good indication that the little nubbin was sensitive.

Her outer lips are more delicate than I imagined and I love the way they feel against my lips, like the whispered softness of her breath against my ear.

"Please! Inside…" she moans as her nails bite into my scalp and I'm not sure if she means she wants my fingers inside her or, well…

Me.

When she pulls my hair again, this time urging me up to her head, I have my answer.

My hands are shaking as I crawl up her body.

I really hope she knows how to put on a condom, because the only time I did it was on a banana in health class.

Her fingers fly over the cardboard box and soon she has the entire strip of wrappers in her hand.

"Someone's feeling ambitious," I choke out, trying not to ruin the mood by laughing.

But as she looks up at me and starts to giggle I realize that it wouldn't ruin anything.

It would just make it perfect for us.

She rips a condom off and pushes me back so I'm sitting on my heels above her.

Her eyes are on the package, but then once the slippery sleeve is free, her eyes are on me.

Fuck I'm nervous.

How do I measure up against the other guys?

I sway slightly when her hand wraps around my cock and starts a slow slide back and forth.

My eyes close for a second and when I open them, the condom is on and she has somehow maneuvered herself so I am now kneeling in between her _very _wide spread thighs.

This is it.

I put one hand down on the mattress next to her shoulder and grab right behind her knee with the other one.

I lower my lips to hers, needing her kiss to ground me.

"Do it, Edward. Make me yours," she breathes against my lips, her eyes open and locked on mine.

_Mine_.

After so many years of not feeling worthy of anything…I'm suddenly at the precipice of having everything.

And it's all wrapped up in one perfect package.

The latex-covered tip of my cock slides through her wetness, searching desperately for its home.

And then suddenly…

I'm sliding into her warm, snug body.

It seems like forever before my hips press against her thighs and I take a deep breath and look down at her.

"You…okay?" I pant, my teeth clenched against the pleasure that is surging through my every cell and neuron.

Her nod is jerky and short, her breathing shallow and I'm petrified that I've hurt her.

I start to pull my hips back, but her legs wrap around me, holding me still.

"Just give me a minute. You're…you're really thick," she gasps and I can't help but smile.

"You say the nicest things."

I can feel her laughter vibrating and squeezing around my cock before it breaks free from her lips.

And then suddenly we're moving.

My hips slide back as hers drop down and then I surge forward with a thrust upward for her.

My lips are in her hair and on her face, while her soft breaths are tickling my ear.

I never want it to end, but I can feel it coming.

Literally.

"I want to make you come," I grunt as I sit back slightly, getting my belly out of the way so I can reach her clit.

"God yes, Edward! Rub it hard!" she cries out as I press my fingers against her sensitive spot, while trying to keep my rhythm going.

I can see that this is going to take some practice to master, but thankfully Bella's body gets with the program quickly.

Her legs tighten around me as the air explodes from her lungs in a loud whoosh.

I swear I can feel the contractions around my cock as she comes, her body instinctively milking mine.

I somehow manage to hold on until she goes limp beneath me.

Her eyes open, her gaze hazy as she looks up at me.

"Your turn."

I don't hesitate as I drop my head down to her neck, my lips brushing against her sweet skin with each thrust forward.

I realize my lips are moving and I'm saying something, but the rush is coming.

It's all I can see and hear and taste.

But when I finally give in and let the orgasm overtake me, I can hear what I'm saying.

"I love you."

*()*()*

Condom disposal is gross.

It gets cold and slimy and just…

Gah.

I hate having to leave the joy I've found in her arms to get rid of it, but I do anyway and after a quick hand wash, I find my way back to her bed.

Her soft, warm body curls against mine as I burrow back under the covers and we both sigh.

Content.

Comfortable.

Perfectly in love.

**Say it with me….**

**Awwww…..**

**You guys doing well training for the 5k? Just about a month to go. I'm so excited! **

**See you next week!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Melanie is my rock.**

**The Pumpkin is my confidence booster.**

**You all make me smile and laugh and cry.**

**Who is ready for the morning after?**

* * *

><p>My body comes awake before my brain does.<p>

I'm aware of the warmth and weight of Bella's arm across my hips.

My muscles are relaxed and boneless against the soft mattress.

I've never been this comfortable in my life.

"Hmmm…"

I slowly blink my eyes open, squinting against the bright morning sun.

I turn my head on the pillow, looking down at the girl snuggled next to me.

Her face is turned up toward me, her lips slightly parted while her eyes are closed tightly.

The soft skin of her cheeks is flushed pink, her hair is mussed from my fingers and I can see a slight rash on her jaw from where my scruff rubbed against her.

She looks well loved.

Her lips move into a sweet pout, her tongue sneaking out and drifting across her lower lip, leaving behind a glossy sheen.

I can't help but moan.

"Bella," I whisper as I roll onto my side, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

She frowns, her forehead pulling down into a V and she looks like Spock for a second.

I somehow manage to resist humming the _Star Trek_ theme song, but my smile is unstoppable.

What I _can't_ resist is pressing my lips lightly against hers.

"Hmmmm…" she moans against my mouth and that's all it takes to get me hard.

I pull my hips back away, not wanting her to think I'm trying to get into her nonexistent pants so early in the morning, but she's not allowing any distance between us.

She slides herself through the soft sheets and presses her entire body against the length of mine.

Her breasts are so warm against my skin and I swear I can _feel_ the heat that is coming from between her thighs as she tosses her leg over my hip.

And it's all I can do not to blow my load already.

Been there…done that…got the jizz-soaked t-shirt.

"Good morning, Edward," she whispers as her lips ghost a trail from my temple to my jaw.

"Hey," I manage to whimper as her hand moves slowly from my shoulder, down my chest and onto my stomach.

"Last night was so…" she sighs and I know exactly how she feels.

Words are so inadequate.

Morning breath be damned, I lean forward and take her mouth.

She doesn't resist, in fact, she opens her lips to my searching tongue, encouraging my morning after exploration.

I need to reaffirm that last night really happened.

Bella pushes gently on my shoulder and I roll over onto my back, loving the way she never lets our lips part.

My hands are restless, moving up and down the creamy expanse of her back and up toward her breasts.

She sits up, her arms hanging by her side, offering herself to my wandering digits.

I don't hesitate as I take the heavy weight of her breasts in my palms.

"You trust me, right?" she breathes and I'm so engrossed in the way her nipples tighten against the rough skin of my fingers, I can only nod.

And then I'm blinded by sensation as she takes me inside her.

My fingers must be painfully tight around her nipples, but that is the only thing that is keeping me from coming.

Her body is so snug around my shaft, like a moist, velvet caress.

I can truly feel her without the layer of latex between us.

"Fuck," I gasp as she moves forward, changing the way her body grips me.

"Look at me, Edward," she whispers and I obey.

She is right there in front of me, her sweet face inches from my own.

"I love you," I grunt, unable to string any other coherent thoughts together.

The brightness of her smile rivals the morning sun.

"I love you too," she says softly as she plants her hands on the mattress next to my shoulders and slowly starts to move.

Her hips move in a smooth circle, before she raises herself up.

I can do nothing but hold onto the sides of her neck as she takes me.

She's in control.

And I love it.

I pull her down so her forehead is pressed to mine, our breath intermingling in the small space between us.

Her body is covered with sweat as she works to bring us pleasure.

"I want to feel you come inside me," she moans, and I can feel the intensity in her movements.

She grinds herself down on me, her body chasing her orgasm.

I'm already there…my release ready to blow the top of my cock off as soon as she comes.

Because I will _not_ come without her.

Her hands grab onto my arms, fingers digging into the flesh as her body starts to tremble.

Her eyes are closed and her lip is trapped between her teeth as she gives into the euphoria.

And only then, do I allow myself to follow.

*()*()*

"Holy shit…you got laid!"

I glare at Jasper as he leans over the rail of my treadmill.

I know he will only get more persistent if I don't come clean but the thought of discussing the single most beautiful moment in my life makes me slightly nauseous.

"Bella and I made love. And that's all I'm going to say about it," I whisper fiercely, leaning in so no one else can overhear our discussion.

"You _what?" _

Oh shit.

I smack the stop button on the treadmill and slowly get off the belt.

"I didn't know you were back."

Jake looks like shit; his eyes are sunken in and he looks like he might have lost close to twenty pounds while he was gone.

But what scares me the most is the absolute fury in his eyes.

"You slept with Bella?" he growls, taking a step closer to me.

I stand as tall as I can, but I'm still woefully outmatched against him.

"Jake, I think you need to just back off," Jasper says as he gets between us, using his charm to try and disarm the situation.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Bella rush out from her office, taking in the scene before her.

Jake's hands are clenched tightly into fists at his side as he stares at me.

"What do you have? What do you have that I didn't?" he asks, his voice losing some of the anger.

It's obvious that now he's just hurt.

"I don't know, Jake. All I know is that she has my heart," I say, shrugging my shoulder as I slowly push in front of Jasper.

The tension is palpable as I reach forward and put my arm around Jake's massive shoulder.

He releases his anger in small increments until I am supporting most of his weight now that the fury that held him up is gone.

"I just wanted her to want me," he says in a quiet, broken voice.

I feel my own throat get tight as I realize that that was all I ever wanted too.

But unlike Jake…

She wants me.

*()*()*

"I'm so sorry. I didn't check my messages until just before he got here. He called to say he finished de-toxing and had checked himself out," Bella whispers against my chest.

It had been hard talking to Jake, but I wanted him to know that Bella and I belonged together.

"He'll just need some time," I soothe as I wrap my hands in her ponytail, tipping her face up to mine. "None of this was your fault."

She looks at me and I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"Bella, he idolized you. You helped him lose weight and were probably the first girl that ever looked at him and really _saw_ him. Believe me, I know the feeling," I sigh, releasing her hair with a grimace.

I can so vividly remember worrying that the only reason I was so attracted to Bella was that she could see past the numbers on the scale.

"You are the sweetest person I have ever met," she breathes as she reaches for my face.

She cradles my jaw in her hands gently, pushing up on her tiptoes to press her lips to mine.

It's a kiss of gratitude and love.

And as I part my lips and surrender to her, I relish this connection between us…

And vow to always be conscious of how easily it could be broken.

**Jebus Edward…ominous much?**

**Less than a month till the 5k. Feel free to ask any training questions and I will do my best to answer them. I have 9 days till the half-marathon and I am shitting bricks. I know I will finish…I just want to get my time goal too. But what will be…will be.**

**See ya next week!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Ready for these two to go on a date? **

**Melanie sent me this chapter back with 'I added stuff. Ignore.' I didn't ignore.**

**The pumpkin made sure that I keep in mind where this is going.**

**You guys…you know what is about to happen? I'm about to hit 3000 reviews with this story. With all the 30+ stories I've written on here I have yet to pass that number. I can't thank you enough.**

* * *

><p>"No, I'm serious! She actually thought that by brushing her teeth with regular soap, it would get them cleaner than using toothpaste!"<p>

I'm mesmerized by the way Bella's eyes sparkle as she tells me some inane story about her childhood friend.

We're waiting in line to try to get tickets to see 'Love Spelled Backward is Love'.

I'd much rather be seeing 'Face Punch,' but my girl gets what she wants.

"And the taste didn't bother her?" I can't help but wonder as we slowly move forward in the never-ending line.

"Eh, she was kind of an idiot, so I'm not sure she even noticed it," she giggles as she wraps her arm around my waist, resting her head on my chest.

And just like that, I'm content to wait in this line for the rest of my life.

"What was that for?" she asks, pulling away slightly and staring up at me with a shy smile.

"What was what for?"

"You sighed," she says and then proceeds to demonstrate, lifting her shoulders up dramatically and then letting them fall with a huge sigh.

"I really don't think it was as impressive as _that_ piece of work you just put on," I tease, loving the way her little hand comes up and hits my chest. "I'm just completely and totally happy, Bella."

"Well, that makes two of us," she tells me as she pushes up onto her tiptoes and kisses me.

Yep…absolutely content.

*()*()*

"Don't look at me, you picked the damn movie," I laugh as she glares at me.

The movie was two hours of fucking awful.

Not even the subtle boob grabs I managed to pull off could help to make those two hours salvageable.

"Alright! I admit it. The movie was bad," she says softly and I just can't help but tease her some more.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you," I whisper against her temple as I try and hold her arms still when she moves to swat at me.

"I said it was terrible! Never let me pick a movie again!" she yells, which makes everyone on the street turn and look at us.

"Oops," she giggles as she buries her face in my chest.

"Bella?"

Both of us turn and look at the guy who was just getting ready to go into the theatre.

But now he's waiting for a reply from my girl.

"Hi, Riley," she says softly and he takes that as an invitation to come closer.

That wasn't an invitation, assface.

I look him over as he strides toward us.

He's shorter than I am, but in much better shape.

Like…marathon running shape.

"Wow, you look great!" he exclaims, reaching for her hand once he is in range.

And somehow she is out of my embrace and in the arms of another guy.

Just…

Like…

That.

I search my memory, trying to remember if she ever mentioned a guy named Riley, but I'm coming up blank.

He finally releases her and thankfully, she comes right back to my side, tucking herself in where she belongs.

"This is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Riley Ford. We used to be friends," she tells me and Riley glares at her.

"Used to be friends? Bella…I don't think I would describe spending two years of our lives together as being friends."

My stomach drops as I take a better look at him.

It's hard to tell what color his hair is in the dim streetlight, but the scruff on his face is much lighter.

Almost…

Ginger.

"You guys used to work together at the Lodge," I say softly, as I start to realize who I'm looking at and Bella whips her head around to me as Riley's smirk turns into a full-blown smile.

"She told you 'bout me, eh? It's hard to live up to such a legend," he preens and I swear I can see him flex his pecs.

"It was nice to see you, Riley. We were just heading home," Bella tells him, trying to turn back to where we parked, but Mr. Ginger isn't going to let her go that easy.

"Bring it on back for some more lovin', little Bella," he says, opening his arms and I just barely stifle a growl as he smiles a predatory smile at me over her shoulder.

The hug goes on _way_ too long and his hands stray _way _too close to her ass.

I actually feel ill seeing Bella in the arms of another man now that our mutual admissions of love are out there.

I don't like this.

But what the hell can I do about it?

"Nice to meet you, Edmund," he calls as we start walking down the street.

I don't correct him.

I don't turn around.

I simply raise my hand in a half-hearted wave, the whole time wishing I was flipping him the bird instead.

Bella's hand finds its way into my tense grip, but I can't muster the courage to look at her.

"Edward…" she whispers as I bend down to open her door, but I shake my head and motion for her to just get in.

If I try and speak right now, things will only go badly.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea he was back in town. Last thing I heard, he was heading back East," Bella starts rambling as I pull away from the curb.

"Stop. I'm not mad at you, Bella," I sigh, glancing over at her from the corner of my eye.

"You're not?" she asks and I've never been so glad we live in a small town as I pull into her driveway a few minutes later and turn off the engine.

"Bella, I'm mad at myself. I mean, you're with me. I should be able to handle seeing other guys you…dated," I choke out, trying not to think of her naked with that douchebag.

"Well, to be honest, I think I would have just as hard a time if we were to run into someone you dated," she admits quietly and I turn so I'm facing her.

"Bella…I seriously doubt that you would have a problem if we ran into Angela Webber, since we 'dated' in Kindergarten. That is the sum total of my dating experience," I tell her, feeling some of the anxiety melt away at the sight of her smile.

"He is _such_ a dick," she sighs and I nod my head gravely.

"Yeah he is. What the hell did you ever see in him?"

"He was the first guy who actually paid attention to me. And I guess…well I guess I never really thought I deserved anything better. I did everything possible to keep and hold his interest- learning all the players on the Mariners, since that was his favorite team and teaching myself how to make sushi, since he liked it. I even made it a point to get in close with his friends, so that they would like me. But in the end, he just wasn't the right guy for me. Looking back I realize it shouldn't be so hard…you know? I shouldn't have had to fight to hold his interest."

I nod in understanding.

I can't imagine Bella needed to change to hold my attention.

She has it.

And that is never going to change.

I watch as she slowly unbuckles her seatbelt and opens her door.

"Are you coming? I have a sudden need to show the right guy exactly how _right_ he is," she asks with a wink and I lunge for the handle of my door, getting caught in my still-buckled seatbelt in my haste.

Her bubbling laughter erases the last of my discomfort and as I watch her sweet ass run up the steps ahead of me, I try and concentrate on the here and now.

Because right here and now…I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.

**Awwww….**

**My half-marathon is Sunday. I'm hoping for a sub 2 hour finish. I'll let ya know how I do.**

**Keep up with the training for the 5k. Remember those amazing prizes!**

**MWAH!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry this is late. I totally forgot it was Friday and my girl, Melanie had a crazy week. I love when I get chapters back from her and she comments on how much it sounds like me. **

**The pumpkin gushed profusely over this chapter and made my head swell to epic proportions. **

**More at the bottom...**

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><p>"Hey, Edward?"<p>

I can't help but smile when I hear her whiny voice calling to me from down the hall.

I'm still camped out at Bella's, mostly because I can't stand the thought of being away from her.

"What?" I yell back, because I'm not getting my ass off this comfortable couch unless I _have _to.

"Can you get me some more water?" she asks, her voice all pleading and sweet.

I sigh dramatically, knowing that she heard it when I hear her giggle come from the vicinity of her bedroom.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I make my way down the hall, only to find her room empty.

"Bella?"

"I'm in here!" her voice sounds from behind the partially closed bathroom door.

Sweet.

Naked girlfriend dead ahead.

"If you want this, you're going to have to flash me some boob or something," I say, making sure to keep my face serious.

'Cause I'm not fooling around.

She rolls her eyes before she brushes aside the mountain of bubbles that's covering the goodies.

And then I see those twin peaks that make my mouth water.

"Good enough?" she barks, but I can hear the humor beneath the bite.

"I guess so," I relent and hand her the icy bottle.

I kneel down next to the tub and watch as she unscrews the cap and downs the water like a frat boy doing a keg stand.

"Are you becoming a camel?" I joke.

"No. Just trying to stay hydrated," she says, but there's something hiding in her eyes.

I want to ask more, but she plops a loofah in my hand before I can say anything and raises one long and luscious leg above the water.

"Wanna help me get clean?" she coos.

Oh, yes please.

***()*()***

"Edward I'd like you to meet the new trainer I've hired. Kate, this is Edward," Bella says as she wraps her arm possessively around my waist.

I reach forward and grip her hand firmly, trying not to blush as she gives me the once over.

"It's really nice to meet you, Edward. Bella has been talking about you for a while now," she says as she releases my hand and pushes her long, red hair behind her ear.

Her eyes are caked with so much mascara it is hard to tell what color they are.

"Well I wish I could say the same, but I didn't even know Bella was hiring anyone new until now," I admit, noticing the way her expression falls slightly.

Bella sighs as she releases me and leaves to introduce Kate to the rest of the members and clients who are working out.

"I hope to see you again, Edward," Kate coos and I just stare blankly, managing a small wave.

Was she just…

Was she just flirting with me?

*()*()*

"Did you see the new hot trainer?" Jasper whisper-yells through the headset.

Bella said she had a meeting to go to, so I'm hanging out in my apartment playing some COD with Jasper.

Alice must be close by, which is why he's being all covert.

Feels like old times.

"Yes. Her name is Kate. I met her yesterday," I sigh as I get hit with a grenade and my guy dies a horrible, bloody death on the screen.

I'm terribly out of practice.

"She was looking at you all day."

I nearly drop the controller as I absorb his words.

"What now?" I gasp.

"Seriously, Edward, the entire time Bella was showing her around, her eyes were glued to your ass. If you weren't so in love with Bella…" he stops speaking when my snarl echoes through the headset.

"Don't even think about it. I love Bella. End of story. I can't even _look_ at another girl."

"Okay…sorry. Just wanted you to know that the ladies are impressed with what you're packing," he says quietly and I feel bad that I just went off on him.

But I know how I feel, thinking about Bella looking at other guys.

I would never do that to her.

***()*()***

"Are you sure you don't want anything else to eat?" I ask Bella as I dish up our dinner.

She has been eating rabbit food for the last week and I'm starting to really worry about her.

"Yes. I told you I had a big lunch," she says as she pushes the pile of vegetables around on her plate.

I sit next to her and bring her left hand into my lap, tangling our fingers together as I start to eat.

I've discovered that if I try to eat with my opposite hand, I don't eat as much.

Plus I get to keep hold of my girl.

"Kate was asking about you today," Bella says softly and I look up at her, making a noncommittal grunt.

"I don't really care," I admit with a shoulder shrug.

And I don't.

"She wanted to know if we were still together," Bella continues and this time I set my fork down and give her all my attention.

"And what did you tell her? That we were still head over heels? That I couldn't imagine my life without you?" I joke, but the way her eyes avoid mine makes me nervous.

"I told her that we were still together…for now," she whispers and I suddenly feel like the food I just ate is going to try to make a reappearance.

"What the fuck does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?" I yelp, trying not to sound like a teenage girl, but failing miserably.

"What, no! Of course not! I just…I worry that you haven't really been out there. You were in a shell and now you're not and I just…" she fades out, her shoulders curling in on herself like she's trying to hide.

"Damn it! Bella…you're really pissing me off with this now. I love you. It doesn't matter that you're the only girl I've ever been with. I already know that I will _never_ find anyone I love as much as I love you. It's simply not possible."

Tears start slowly rolling down her cheeks and she nods her head, but I know she doesn't believe me.

"Bella Swan, you complete me. You are the wind beneath my wings. You are the Robin to my Batman. You are the peanut butter to my jelly. You are the eggs in my basket. You are the fries in my happy meal. You are…shit I can't think of any more clichés. You are…everything!" I growl, willing her to see the truth in my eyes.

She sniffs loudly and wipes at the remaining tears that cover her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…I'm having a bit of a pity party," she whispers and I pull her out of her chair and into my arms, settling her safely in my lap.

"You go ahead and let it out," I soothe, trying to think of some way to make her laugh. "Hey…are you hungry after I mentioned all that food, or is it just me?"

I give myself a mental high five as she starts giggling through her tears.

"God, I love you," she sniffles, which just makes my heart soar.

"I love you too, snotface," I reply, kissing her damp cheek.

"I have one question though," she mumbles into my chest. "Why the hell do you get to be Batman?"

My laughter echoes off the ceiling and all thoughts of insecurity go with it.

**If you hadn't already heard, I crashed and burned (Literally) at the half marathon last Sunday. The temp soared, they ran out of water and I suffered heat stroke. I had to pull out at mile 10.5. I was so disappointed. **

**But I'm getting back on the horse. I'm running in a 10k next Saturday.  
><strong>

**Remember...the 5k is next Sunday. Make sure that you have a reliable timing device and map out your route. Run safe, which means running against traffic if you are running in the road. Take water with you, or leave a bottle hidden along your route (I do that all the time) and listen to your body. I'm thinking I'll wait and post the update on Sunday so we can keep track of times in reviews. I'll post the winners on Facebook, the blog and in the next week's chapter. Make sure your PMs are turned on so I can contact you to get your addy so I can send you your prize!  
><strong>

**Love you all so damn much!  
><strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**ITS RACE DAY! **

**I'm so excited to see the results start coming in!**

**Make sure you put your time AND age. I'll go through the reviews to see who our winners are and contact you via PM so I can get your address. PLEASE…make sure your PMs are enabled. **

**I will be doing my 5k as soon as my lazy husband comes home from his sleepover. Isn't 36 a little old to still be having sleepovers? (Epic eye roll)**

**Melanie and my Pumpkin (almost wrote Pimpkin…which wouldn't be TOO far off) helped me make this chapter all it could be. **

**And yes…the last section of the chapter…it's all true facts from kitkat experience.**

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><p>"Another race?"<p>

Bella smiles at my expression and nods her head.

"Yes! You did such an amazing job in that 5k and you've been slowly going further every week. I think it's about time to think about a half marathon." She tilts her head, glancing up at me. "What do ya think?"

I push stop on the treadmill and lean down so I can speak right in her ear.

It's hard not to get distracted by how amazing she smells, but somehow I manage to keep my train of thought from veering off track.

"I think I might have fucked the common sense out of you," I whisper, jumping back when she tries to hit me. "Seriously, Bella…thirteen miles? No thanks."

"I know you can do it, Edward. You finished that eight mile run last week and still had energy to…well…" she trails off and I know she is remembering just how we spent the next few hours after that run.

It's not my fault I can't resist her when she's all sweaty.

"When is it?" I huff, knowing that once she has her mind set on something, it is easier to just go along with it.

Seriously…I'd rather just run the fucking thirteen miles than hold my own against Bella.

"Three weeks. This is going to be so much fun!" she laughs as she throws herself at me.

Yeah…not so much.

*()*()*

"Are you coming over tonight for our carbo-load dinner?" I ask Jasper, balancing the phone on my shoulder as I try to stir the tomato sauce at the same time.

Bella somehow talked Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett into running the 5k that goes alongside the half marathon we're doing, so we're hosting a pasta dinner for everyone at Bella's house.

My poor apartment is sitting lonely and empty since most of my nights are spent with Bella, but I could care less.

She is still at the gym, while I am making use of her kitchen.

I have bread toasting under the broiler, sauce simmering on the cook top and a salad prepped and ready in the fridge.

I feel so domestic.

"Alice isn't feeling so hot, but we're coming," he says and I can hear the very obvious sound of someone puking her guts out in the background.

"Is she going to make it tomorrow?"

I'm starting to get nervous about the race.

What if I don't finish?

Everyone will be disappointed in me.

"Yeah…she thinks it's something she ate. She's a trooper though. Well be over in a little while."

I'm still jealous of Alice and Jasper and their easy relationship.

There don't seem to be any Ginger-haired assholes hiding behind the next corner, threatening to get between them.

They balance each other out so well: she's shy and quiet and he is loud and outrageous.

The way they are together is just perfection.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he asks her to marry him.

"Honey, I'm home!"

I turn away from the bubbling sauce and can't help but smile at my girl.

She wraps her arms around my waist and pushes up on her toes to drop the sweetest of kisses on my lips.

"Hmmm, I like you all Suzy Homemaker," she whispers against my lips as she tugs on the strings of my apron.

Yeah, I wear an apron…so what?

Tomato sauce spits and bubbles like a motherfucker.

"Well I like you coming home and greeting me like this," I answer back, giving my hands freedom to reacquaint themselves with her sumptuous ass.

"Do we have time for…" she asks, pulling back so I can see her eyebrows wiggle suggestively.

The doorbell answers the question for her and I can almost _see_ her disappointment.

The girl likes my lovin'…what can I say?

Bella runs to answer the door while I get the bread out of the oven and start slicing it.

I could get used to this race thing if it means I get to stuff my face with bread and pasta the night before.

"Hey Bro!" Emmett says as he walks up behind me and snags a piece of bread off the cutting board.

"You are such a pig," I sigh, but can't help the laugh that breaks free when he tries to talk with his mouth full of crisp ciabatta.

Alice and Jasper arrive a few minutes later and we all sit down around Bella's small table.

It's cramped and I keep bumping my elbow with Jasper's, but as I look around the table at my friends, family and the love of my life…

I think it's a perfect fit.

*()*()*

"Now runners…it's going to be a little hotter out there than we expected, so make sure you stay hydrated. There are water stops every two miles. Is everyone ready?"

I want to say no.

As I stand here next to Bella in the crowd of runners, I realize I am totally not ready.

"I want you to run _your_ race," I tell Bella as I pull her into my arms.

"But I want to stay with you," she says, but I shake my head.

"I'm going to be slow…super slow. I want you to know that when you cross that finish line, you did your best. You won't be able to do that if you stay with me."

I can see the reluctance in her eyes, but she knows I'm right.

Plus, I would feel awful if I held her back.

She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me soundly before she takes off toward the front.

When the signal blasts that the race has started, it takes almost a full minute before I'm able to start running.

The first five miles are not too bad, mostly downhill and in the shade.

I don't pay attention to the people that pass me.

I'm not worrying about my time.

I just want to finish.

Starting around the sixth mile, my knees start protesting, but I just slow down a bit.

I'm really getting into my groove at mile nine when I see a familiar flash of brown hair ahead.

How the hell could I have caught up to Bella?

I push myself a little harder and run up beside her.

I instantly know something's wrong.

"Bella?" I gasp and she turns toward me.

Her cheeks are bright red, and while I'm absolutely soaked with sweat, she looks as dry as she did when we started.

As I look her over, I see her eyes blinking frantically, like she is trying to hold back tears, but she is so dehydrated there are none to be found.

"I don't know what's wrong. I just…I can't go any further," she gasps, tripping over her feet as I guide her to the side of the road.

She collapses to her knees on the grass and I'm frantically searching for help.

"No, Edward. I'll be fine. I want you to finish. I'm just overheated," she whimpers, putting her hand on my arm.

I can feel the heat just radiating off her and I notice her poor little fingers are swollen like sausages, the skin bubbling up over the band of the ring she wears on her index finger.

"Baby, I need to stay with you. What if you need to go to the hospital?" I demand. "Nothing is more important than you."

"Bella!" I look up to see Rose and Emmett making their way to us.

The 5k started at the same time the half marathon did, so they have been finished for a while.

"What's wrong?" Rose asks as she sits down next to Bella and hands her a bottle of water.

She drinks it greedily, letting some run down her neck.

"I went out too fast. I really wanted to get a good time, but I just…now I'm overheated," she huffs.

I can see the anger and disappointment in her face.

Emmett pulls me aside and points back to the road.

"Listen Edward, Rose and I parked right over there. We'll bring Bella back to the finish line and get her some medical attention. You need to finish this race," he says as he grabs me by the back of the neck and shakes me.

"He's right, Edward. I want to watch you cross that finish line," Bella says weakly, wiping away the dirt and dust that are stuck to her flushed cheeks.

"But-"

"No! You go finish strong for me," she scolds, giving me a small smile as she lets Emmett pull her to her feet.

Her hands on my face are so warm, but her eyes are clear now.

"Go…finish this race."

I press my lips to hers and then…

I'm off.

*()*()*

I feel Bella's absence with every step I take, but I keep going.

The sweat is running into my eyes and my feet hurt like a motherfucker, but I keep going.

The closer we get to the finish, the more people there are out cheering.

Bells and horns sound, trying to motivate us.

I can see the stadium and I realize that I'm actually going to do it.

I'm going to finish.

I'm not going to win.

I'm not going to set any records.

But I'm going to finish.

One lap around the track and then there it is.

I cross the line and limp over to the bleachers, where I can see Bella waiting for me.

Her cheeks are a little less fire engine red now and she has an ice pack wrapped around the back of her neck.

I settle on my knees before her and press my face against her chest.

"You did it," she whispers, her hands running through my sweaty hair.

"Only because of you," I rasp, my voice rough with tears.

Once my breathing is back to normal and Bella's body temperature has regulated, I pull her to her feet and we both lean on each other as we make our way toward the car.

I've just finished my first half marathon but now I need to take care of my girl.

**Just in case I get spanked by ff . net for violating their TOS (AGAIN!) you can always find me at:**

**kitkat681 . blogspot . com**

**I'll eventually get my ass in gear and post all the chapters up there.**

**Next week there MIGHT not be a chapter…I'm heading North to visit my girl Melanie for her birthday.**

**Now…if you haven't finished those 3.1 miles yet…GO! **

**I'm SO excited!**


	25. Chapter 25

**HI! So sorry this is so late...I had it finished and never sent it to Melanie. Must have been an overload of her amazing cooking while I was up visiting her. Canada is great, eh? OH NO...I've picked up the language.**

**I seriously couldn't keep doing this without the love and guidance from both Melanie and the pumpkin. Especially with this chapter...  
><strong>

**Race results are at the end!  
><strong>

**Um...Hold on tight...  
><strong>

"Edward, I have to go in to work," Bella sighs as I tuck the blankets around her.

She is still so damn tired.

I hate seeing her like this.

"You don't _have _to go into work. Kate is there and so is Angela. I'll go in and open up and make sure they have everything under control before I have to be back for my conference call at ten," I tell her, making sure my voice is firm enough so that she knows there will be no backing down.

I'm taking care of her and that is that.

Seeing her so weak and disoriented yesterday really scared me.

Knowing how easily I could have lost her…

Yeah…until she is back to her old self, she is not leaving this bed.

"I love you," I whisper as I press my lips to her forehead.

Her sweet sigh fills my heart to overflowing as she repeats the words back to me.

Locking the door behind me to insure my girl is safe and secure; I start off at a jog toward the gym.

Might as well get my workout out of the way.

By the time I finish the two miles, I'm a sweaty mess.

My shirt is stuck to my back and my palms are slick.

It takes me three tries before I'm able to get the key in the lock.

I flick the lights on and enjoy the empty solitude of the building.

Seeing that I have a half hour before anyone else is due to show up, I head into the locker room for a quick shower.

The water pressure is awesome when there aren't ten other people demanding water from the pipes and faucets at the same time.

I walk out of the tiled shower room with a towel wrapped around my hips and run straight into Kate.

"What the fuck?" I yelp, struggling to keep the towel in place.

Kate has the decency to look chagrined, but I can tell by the spark in her eye that this wasn't just an accident.

"So sorry. I didn't hear the water. I was just checking things over before we opened," she says, backing away toward the door, but not before she lets those cunning eyes trail over every inch of my exposed flesh.

I feel like a piece of meat and I don't like it at all.

"Yeah…Bella sent me down to open up. I'll be out in a minute," I grunt, my fingers so tight on the poor terry cloth, I might be putting holes in it.

She nods her head as she pushes through the swinging door.

I collapse down to the bench and put my head in my hands.

What the fuck was that?

*()*()*

"Hey, Edward? How is Bella doing?"

I managed to avoid Kate all morning, but she has me cornered now as I'm getting ready to head back to Bella's.

"She's okay. That heat really got to her yesterday," I tell her, not meeting her eyes as I sift through the papers on Bella's desk.

"Well all that extra weight probably didn't help," she says casually and now I can't _help_ but whip my eyes up to her face.

"What did you say?" I ask, unable to sift through her words to get when the hell she means.

"Come on, Edward. You have to have noticed her putting on weight the last few weeks. That's what happens to girls when they get comfortable with a guy," she smirks, leaning her too-thin hips against Bella's desk.

"As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't taking something to help her lose weight. You should check her drawers," she suggests, nodding her head toward the metal and wood that I'm leaning on.

I won't disrespect Bella that way.

She wouldn't hide something like that from me.

And she wouldn't be so stupid to do something like that.

Would she?

As Kate bids me farewell, I wave distractedly at her.

My fingers itch to meander through these drawers and cabinets.

But what would I do if I _did_ find something?

Knowing I won't be able to concentrate on anything else until I know what I'm dealing with, I yank open the top drawer and feel my breath explode out of my chest.

Oh…my…God.

*()*()*

"Bella!"

I'm barely through the door when I yell her name.

I'm furious…I'm _beyond_ furious.

How _dare_ she?

"I'm in here!" she calls from down the hall and my feet cover the distance from the door to the bathroom in seconds.

The door flies back against the wall as I throw it open, no doubt leaving a mark in the plaster behind it, but I'm past caring.

Bella sits up in the tub, water splashing over the side and all over the floor.

Again…I don't care.

"What the fuck are these?" I growl, opening my hands so she can see the two objects sitting in my palm.

Her eyes flare wide as she pushes up onto her knees, reaching for me.

"I can explain…" she starts, but I'm so angry I'm not sure I can even listen to what she has to say.

"First, I want you to tell me how long you've been carrying my baby."

Her mouth opens and closes soundlessly as I wiggle the positive pregnancy stick in her face and I'm so fucking mad I launch into my next round of questioning without waiting for her to answer.

"And how long have you been taking some no-name _drugs_ to try and lose weight?" I snarl as I whip the unlabeled prescription bottle at her.

She catches the bottle easily and pushes up to her feet, sliding awkwardly over the edge of the tub and coming toward me.

I back up until I've made my way out into the hall, my back against the wall and I just look at her.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she whispers, tears streaming down her face.

"What the fuck, Bella? I mean…you're pregnant?" I whimper, looking down at her bare belly, my heart clenching at the thought of our child growing inside of her.

And I'm furious again at the thought of her harming that child by using those drugs.

"I'm not pregnant. That test is Alice's. _She's _pregnant…not me," she says as she reaches for me with trembling hands.

And just like that…I'm devastated.

On the way to her house I had already pictured her holding our beautiful child.

I know it's not the right time and we aren't married yet…but now that that baby is gone…

I'm in agony.

I push that grief aside as I deal with the other problem.

"The drugs?" I rasp, tears pricking my eyes as I watch her look down at the seemingly innocuous bottle in her hand.

"I got it from a guy Jake knows. I was just trying to lose a few pounds, you know," she says softly and I reach forward and grab her shoulders, shaking her.

"What the fuck is it?"

"It's Clen. Clenbuterol. They use it in other countries to treat asthma, but it's not cleared for use in the States. It raises your body temperature a little bit and increases your blood pressure and aerobic capacity. I thought it was safe," she whispers, meeting my eyes with guilt all over her face.

"Is that why you couldn't finish the race?" I growl, the last few weeks all making sense now.

Her agitation.

Her aggression toward Kate.

Her constant thirst.

She nods as the tears fall faster now.

"I don't even know you," I breathe, stepping away from the wall and her searching hands.

"You do, Edward! You do know me! I just made a mistake. Please…"

I shake my head slowly.

"No, the Bella I know wouldn't do this. The Bella I know would have talked to me so I could have helped her- the way she helped me. She wouldn't have done something so stupid…so _dangerous_," I looked at her with tears in my eyes. "You could have _died_ doing shit like this, Bella."

"Edward! Please don't walk away! I was worried about the weight I was putting on. And with Kate asking about you all the time…please! Please don't leave me!" she cries, following me down the hall.

I stop in front of the closed door and put my head down against the unforgiving wood.

"I need some time alone. I'll…I'll call you," I say, unable to even look at her.

I'm so scared, I'm numb.

"I love you," she cries and I can only nod.

I pull open the door and walk out into the unknown…trying to ignore the heartbreaking sobs coming from behind her closed door.

**So...not that anyone wants to concentrate on anything other than finding me and killing me...**

Fatty 5k Race Results:

First Place: PJ Littlefoot  
>Second Place: Goshdarnypooh<br>Third Place: James3142

20 – 24  
>Jessi Cullen-Norrington 43:23<p>

25 – 29  
>PJ littlefoot – 22:29<br>Goshdarnypooh – 23:21  
>– 27:16<p>

30 – 34  
>James3142 – (Elliptical) 23:33<br>Leesha Ray – (elliptical) 32:27  
>Kitkat681 – 27:47<br>Shanda Forish – 43:13

35 – 39  
>Gbminigirl – (erg) 23:54<br>Kelly Harper – 39 - 37:00  
>Simplynothingtosay – 44:00<br>Hursla (walkaway DVD) 45:00  
>Twifanficfreak – 48:10<br>Amee Grosso Hadley -

40 – 44  
>Heather324 – 49:00<br>Twilightheaded – 90:00

45 – 49  
>09kez -41:45<p>

**I'll be contacting the top three and top three in each age group (or if you WANT to save me some time...you can just PM me your address).**

**See you next week...  
><strong>


	26. Chapter 26

**Oh I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'M SORRY for the delay in getting this out to you. I suck.**

**Hopefully this chapter will make up for it.**

**Edward's Eternal is getting ready to finish up 'Snowbound' and start her new one, 'Out of the Mouths of Babes.' Make sure you have her on alert so you can get in at the ground floor with that one.**

**Huge thanks to Melanie and the Pumpkin for their keen eyes and distinguishing taste in this chapter.**

**No one read that…did they? Didn't think so… ;)**

* * *

><p>I sat down on the curb in front of Bella's house, my entire body shaking with emotion.<p>

I just couldn't make myself go any further.

As angry as I am with Bella, I wouldn't leave her.

I fumble through my pockets, the tears in my eyes making it even harder for me to bring up the right number.

"'Lo?"

"Jasper, is Alice there?" I rasp, knowing by the way he hesitates that he wants to ask what's wrong, but thankfully he just calls for Alice.

"Edward?" she questions the second she's on the line.

"You need to come over to Bella's…right now."

My voice is scratchy and rough, which probably tells her more about what's hiding behind my words than what I'm saying.

"Okay. I'll be right there," she agrees and I can hear her speaking in hushed tones to Jasper before she ends the call.

I need to know the truth about that pregnancy test and I know if I go back in and try to talk to Bella, it will only end badly.

The more I think about how I reacted…the worse I feel.

I shouldn't have gone through her things.

I shouldn't have let Kate get to me.

I should have let Bella explain.

I should have…

I should have done a lot of things differently, but now it's too late.

But there is one thing I can do.

I can make sure my girl is safe.

I keep my eyes locked on the dark windows of Bella's house as I wait for Alice.

I'm pretty sure Bella wouldn't do anything stupid, like try to hurt herself, but of course I also never thought she'd do something like take dangerous diet pills.

Fuck.

I glance to my left as Alice pulls up in her little yellow Volkswagen Bug and even the cheery color can't brighten my mood.

She gets out and stands in front of me, her hands on her hips.

"What did you do?" she spits.

I bring my eyes up from her tapping toes, over denim covered legs and just stare at her belly.

"I found the pregnancy test," I whisper, realizing at least Bella told the truth about the baby being Alice's when she moves her hands up to gently cover her belly.

"Oh shit. Did you think it was Bella's and yell at her?" Alice asks, sitting down next to me on the curb.

I prop my elbows on my knees and rest my head in my palms so I don't have to face her when I tell her what I did was so much worse.

"I also found a bottle of illegal diet pills that Bella had been taking. I may have…I may have really fucked up, Alice."

Her hand soothes up my spine, stopping on my shoulder to give me a comforting squeeze.

"I'll go talk to her," she says softly and I nod my head, thankful that she doesn't read me the riot act over what I've done.

I already feel shitty enough as it is.

"And hey," I call to her as she walks up the steps, "it is really gross to keep a stick you peed on."

She giggles and flips me the bird.

I watch Alice disappear into the house, trusting that she'll take care of my girl.

Because there is someone I need to find.

*()*()*

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking?" I snarl in his face, my hands fisting his shirt as I press his huge body against the wall.

I know Jake is letting me manhandle him, because even with as much muscle as he lost when he came off the steroids, he could still take me down.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Edward," he grunts as I press my forearms into his chest, enjoying the loud hiss as his breath erupts from his lungs.

"I'm talking about the drugs your friend gave Bella. I would have thought you would know better by now," I spit, easing off him just a bit so I can meet his dark eyes.

"I didn't…" he starts to protest, but I grip his shirt tighter, reveling in the ripping sound of the seams as they stretch.

"She _told_ me she got them from one of your guys," I yell and then suddenly I'm the one against the wall.

Jake towers over me, easily tugging my hands from their hold on his shirt and pushing my arms down to my sides.

"Well maybe she did, but I would never give her something. If she had come to me asking for them, I would have showed her the scars I have on my arms from infected injection sites. I would have told her about the nightmares that ruin my sleep and my useless cock and the disappointment I see every time I look at my father. I would _never_ have let her take anything," he says vehemently, his eyes growing damp.

Fuck.

I've screwed up again.

I just want someone to blame.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I whisper, relieved when he releases my arms and I can wrap them around him.

He melts into my hold, his big body shaking as he cries.

"You tell anyone about this and I'll tell them about the time I caught you jerking off in the shower," he mumbles into my shirt and I can't help but laugh.

"I won't tell anyone, Jake."

He wipes his nose on his arm as he pulls away, and we stand awkwardly next to each other for a moment before he meets my eyes.

"Did you yell at her?"

I grimace as I nod, shoving my hands into my pocket.

"Yeah, I probably would have too," he admits and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my reaction wasn't too out of the norm.

"Did you leave her alone?"

"No, I called Alice and asked her to come over." Jake nods and cracks a smile, reaching through the space between us and smacking me on the shoulder.

"You did good, Edward. Even though you were pissed and angry, you still put her first. But now that you've cooled off some, you need to go and talk to her. Don't let this shit fester," he demands and I can't help but chuckle.

"Listen to you…all Dr. Phil."

Jake grins broadly and puffs out his chest.

"I'll have you know I actually listened to all those therapists they made me go to in rehab," he crows and we both start laughing.

I'm glad that we can joke about this now.

I'm hoping I can once again count Jake as a friend.

And I'm praying that Bella will give me another chance.

*()*()*

Alice's car is still parked along the curb when I get back to Bella's.

I glance into the back seat and smile when I imagine a car seat strapped into the happy yellow car.

I wonder if she told Jasper yet.

I would want to know as soon as possible.

I would want to go to every doctor's appointment.

I would want to buy out Babies 'R Us.

I never really thought I wanted kids, but I do.

With Bella…I do.

Desperately.

But Bella and I have things we need to work through before we can make that happen.

I just hope she'll still want me after the way I've acted.

My key slips soundlessly into the lock and I ease the door open, listening for any angry words before I go any further.

Bella's tear-laden voice reaches my ears as I walk into the living room.

"He just…he doesn't see himself, Alice. He doesn't see how amazing he is. And when Kate started flirting with him and asking about him all the time, I got scared. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. He treats me like I'm something valuable and special…like I'm the most precious thing he's ever seen. He's it for me. But I worry that he'll get tired of me and my insecurities."

I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping, but I just can't pass up this opportunity to get inside Bella's head.

"Bella, he loves you. Don't you realize he feels the same way about you? How scared he is that he might lose you? You should have heard him when he called. He looked like a broken man sitting out there on the curb before he left. He _loves_ you," Alice says softly and I hear Bella sniffling.

"He really looked upset when I told him that pregnancy test wasn't mine. I think he had hoped we were going to have a baby. That means something, right?" Bella whispers and I smile when Alice giggles.

"Um yeah, Bella. If a guy gets excited about knocking a girl up, it usually means he is head over heels, crazy in love with her. And Edward _is_."

I take their laughter as my cue to make my presence known, peering around the kitchen doorway.

Bella sees me first and her smile melts off, tears once more filling those soulful brown eyes.

I step further into the room and open my arms to her, feeling my heart thump inside my chest when she doesn't hesitate, but runs right to me.

"I'm so sorry," she cries as she wraps her arms around my waist.

My lips press against her temple as I watch Alice leave quietly, patting me on the shoulder as she passes.

"I love you," I sigh, feeling like I'm finally able to breathe again with her in my arms.

"I think I need to talk to someone," her words were a confession uttered shyly.

"I think we both might benefit from talking to someone," I tell her, leaning back so I can see her sweet face. "But you need to know that you can't hide things like that from me anymore. And I'm not talking about Alice being pregnant. I love you and it feels awful to know you're keeping me in the dark about something like that," I scold gently, easing the harshness of my words with fluttering kisses across her cheeks.

"I know. I won't do it again," she breathes, her hands grabbing tighter to my back.

I walk us over to the chair and sit down, pulling her onto my lap.

We've got some new things to work on, and some old demons still lurking in our past, but at least I have my girl back where she belongs.

In my arms.

**See…wasn't too bad, right? Edward took care of her and was smart about it. **

**The winners of the race should have/should be receiving their prizes. I can't thank Cheryl Hagan enough for her super generous contribution to our overall winner, PJLittlefoot. She says the handcrafted luminary is just beautiful! **

**I'm hoping to host another virtual race in September; although I may have to dial back the prizes…shipping is RIDICULOUS! But I WILL come up with some way to reward all of your hard work…trust me. **

**With any hope, I'll see you next week. **


	27. Chapter 27

**You don't want to hear my sob story (even if it is a good one) about why this chapter is late. I would be a pile of sobbing snot without my support system…all my girls on Facebook who kept me informed while I worried my leg might fall off. Melanie, Born, Shell and Yummy for their text and email support while I waited for one of my twins to get out of surgery…and just knowing you all were here waiting for this…so I guess I'll just let you read.**

**Edward's Eternal finished up 'Snowbound' and her new one 'Out of the Mouths of Babes' is up! Go...read it! NOW!  
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**Those of you who are fans of the amazing and incomparable Bornonhalloween might recognize someone from her 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat' in this chapter. I had permission to use him…I really did.**

**And Simplynothingtosay, I simply have nothing to say. You awe me and overwhelm me with your generosity. If I wasn't so sick and busy I would have made my way over to you to smother you with kisses. **

"And how did that make you feel, Edward…finding out that Bella was keeping something from you?"

My eyes are glued to the annoying tassel on his brown loafer as it bounces up and down where he has it propped on his bent knee.

His business card should have said, Dr. Nathan Banner: Soul Spelunker.

That way you would know the sessions with the good ol' doctor would be painful and rough.

Instead it was just a plain white card that Bella thrust into my hand after we confessed to each other we needed help.

Now, sitting next to her in this clean…_safe _office, I'm expected to spill my guts.

I grunt as I reposition myself in the suddenly uncomfortable chair.

"You can take your time; don't think you're the first tough cookie I've had in that chair."

I look over with longing at the couch I had started to sit on when Dr. Banner ushered us into this 'safe place', only to be told he would prefer us to sit separately in the chairs he'd placed in front of his desk.

Which…he neglected to mention…were uncomfortable as fuck.

Bella giggles next to me, covering her mouth as she tries to stifle her amusement.

I know she's using humor to hide her real feelings…because that's what she does.

She's scared I won't be able to handle what she says after Dr. Nate gets done with her.

This man has a way of getting inside you and then your feelings just ooze out like a popped pimple.

Feelings…suck.

I hate having to talk about why I was so scared when I found out Bella had been dabbling with dangerous drugs.

I'm seriously petrified to admit that even now, I'm worried that I'm not enough for her.

"Can't you just tell me what I should be feeling?" I whine, watching as Dr. Banner's guileless expression morphs into one of disdain.

"_Tell_ you how you should feel? Edward, I'm not here to tell you how you should feel. I'm here to work through the reasons you feel what you feel. Do you want me to tell you what I think so far?" he asks, bushy eyebrows lifting as he spreads his arms wide.

Yes, I really want to know.

"I think that between the two of you, you have years of insecurities, self-doubt and fear hiding just beneath the surface. I think that if you continue as you have been, it will only be a matter of time until you are both broken and…to be perfectly honest, ruined."

Bella's laughter abruptly stops and in its place, I can hear the sniffles and gasps that precede her tears.

"So then ,why the hell are we even here? If you think we are doomed, shouldn't we just save ourselves some time and end this now? I mean…I love her more than life itself, but I refuse to keep pushing her away and dragging her back because I'm scared of not being enough for her. I can't watch her try to change and fix what she _thinks_ is wrong with her to keep a loser like me. There is nothing wrong with her. I love her just the way she is. So tell me _Doctor_, what the fuck am I paying you for?"

Dr. Banner sits back in his chair, his hands folded in his lap and an indulgent smile on his face.

"You're paying me for exactly that."

"What?" I spit, confusion settling into the place that rage and fear just occupied.

Bella's tears have faded into quiet chuffs and I can tell she is waiting for his answer as well.

"Did you not listen to what you just said, Edward? You are scared that you aren't enough. You are worried that Bella will leave you, or worse, that she'll try to change herself once more. Those are _feelings_, Edward. You owned up to them and now we can work on them."

I stare blankly at him and slide my gaze to Bella, who is sitting motionless next to me.

I reach out and weave our fingers together, making us a united front against whatever the dear doctor is planning to throw our way next.

"Bring it on."

*()*()*

"I can't just fire her, Edward. Trying to undermine me and get into your pants, while heinous and slutty, are not grounds for dismissal," Bella sighs as I hand her another plate to dry.

Our appointment with Dr. Banner ended up bringing us closer than I had ever thought possible.

But that happens when you cry like a bitch in front of the girl you love.

"She has got to go, Bella. I don't trust her," I snap, which earns me a swat to the ass.

"Calm down, Tiger. I might be able to call around and see if any other centers are hiring. I'm sure if she just so happened to get an offer from one of our competitors, she would jump at the chance. There really is no room for advancement if she stays with me and I was the first place she interviewed when she got to town," she suggests, her big, sexy brain rolling ideas around.

"You are so hot when you're being all sneaky," I whisper, snagging the dishtowel and plate from her wet hands.

Her giggle is breathy but quickly turns to a moan as I pick her up and set her ass down on the kitchen table.

"I want Kate as far away from you as I can get her. She's already brought enough doubt and fear between us," she whispers, looking up at me with those brown eyes I love so much.

"You sound like Dr. Banner," I gasp, jerking back as her cold, damp hands find their way beneath my shirt.

"I'm trying to seduce you…bringing up our therapist will _not_ help you score." Bella's giggles are contagious as I hoist her into my arms and start off toward her…_our…_bedroom.

"You don't have to try to seduce me," I whisper against her temple. "You had me at 'hello'."

"Cheesy!" she snorts, which earns her a free-fall from my arms to the bed.

"Uncalled for," Bella pouts, pushing my hands away as I reach down and yank at her shoes and socks.

Her bare feet are a temptation I can't resist, and I hold them gently in my palms.

"You suck my toes and I'll kick you," she warns, and I raise my eyebrow in defiance.

My tongue peeks out, saliva pooling.

"I mean it," she giggles wildly, attempting to pull her foot from my grasp.

I snarl as I release her and jump down to the mattress, caging her beneath me.

"I love you," I sigh, bracing myself on my forearms and tangling my fingers in her hair.

Her contented sigh is music to my ears and the way her little hands grab onto my hips is a balm that soothes my ragged soul.

"We will get through this," she growls, leaving no room for compromise.

"I know we will. And after that, we'll have our happily ever after," I respond, watching as her thick lashes flutter to try and stop the tears that suddenly spring to her eyes.

"I don't think we have to wait for it, Edward," she whispers softly. "I think it's already started."

**Yeah…thanks Melanie for that fuckawesome last line.**

**See you…when I can get my ass in gear.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Sorry for the delay. Life sucks, you know. I really wish I could just win the lottery and spend my days playing with my kids and writing fic. **

**Huge hugs to Melanie, who after having a really emotion and exhausting week, came home and worked this chapter over. She is awesome **

**You may notice another character sneaking into this story. It's not an accident and I totally have the Pumpkin's permission.**

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><p><strong>And OOPS…I haven't included this in a while…<strong>

**Week 45 (Yeah…we skipped a bit since the last time I put this at the top of the chapter…but a ton has happened)**

**Starting weight: 363**

**Current weight: 264**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

I look over at Jake, stifling a smile at his nervousness.

We're standing outside of Bella's gym.

He hasn't been back since he flipped out after hearing me pretty much confessing my undying love for Bella a few months ago.

But we've moved past that and now I want to bring him back into the fold.

I feel like Jesus and he's my flock.

No…not really, but that would be cool.

"Dude, the last time I was here I pretty much threatened to beat your ass to a pulp and then sobbed on your shoulder like a gigantic pussy. I think I'm all full up on embarrassment when it comes to this place," he jokes humorlessly, shifting from one enormous foot to the other.

I squint through the bright sunshine and look at him…really look at him.

He's still tall and menacing, but the ropes of muscle that used to run across his body are gone.

Now he just looks like a deflated balloon.

"Jake, you look like shit. You _need_ to get back in there and start working your way back to where you were. I know you can do this without the steroids, and we all want to help."

I can tell by the way his russet-colored cheeks flush that he's both humiliated at his past behavior and awed that we would want to stick by him.

But that's what friends are for.

"Now come on you big lug, let's get in there and hit that treadmill. I've gained two pounds this week and I need to work them off. Plus Bella said she'd throw me a party when I hit my 100 pound mark!" I tease, patting my almost flat belly as I put my other arm around his broad shoulders.

"You're a good guy, Edward. You know that?" he rasps, his voice thick with what I hope is gratitude and not shame.

"Yeah…that's what everyone keeps telling me."

*()*()*

"Oh Angie! I can't thank you enough. I'll send over her resume and you'll pass it on to the head guy in fitness? You are the best!"

I just barely catch the tail end of Bella's conversation as I pop my head through her partially open office door.

Everyone is treating Jake like he never left, the past forgotten and the future looming ahead brightly.

I'd left him running on the treadmill, smiling.

Bella looks radiant as she sits behind her desk, worn red pumas propped on the edge of the wooden monstrosity.

We really should go shopping for a new desk for her.

Her dark hair is pulled up off her neck in a high ponytail, leaving a tempting line of flesh just begging for my lips.

"Pretty sure I just got Kate a new job!" she squeals as she hangs up the phone.

She bounces out of the chair and moves around to where I'm standing in the doorway.

"Oh yeah? I knew you'd figure something out," I tease, tapping my finger against her temple.

Big sexy brain.

"My friend, Angela is the manager of a salon inside a fitness center close by. She is going to make sure Kate's resume gets where it needs to go, along with a glowing letter of recommendation from yours truly. With any luck, she'll be out of here by the end of the month!"

I can't help but pull her into my arms when I see how happy she looks.

Everything seems to be going our way.

*()*()*

"But…I don't understand. I thought you were happy with my performance?"

I try not to freak out, but as I meet the serious eyes of my boss through the lenses of the webcam, I feel terror taking hold.

"We _are_ happy with your performance, thrilled to be exact. That is the reason for this promotion, Edward. We have seen a great improvement in you. This is something to be excited about," she teases, but my mind is stuck on one word.

Relocate.

I end the video conference without giving her an answer.

This is some serious stuff, and I need to talk to the only person who can help me make this decision.

*()*()*

"So, when are you leaving?"

I don't look up from the now-cold cup of coffee I'm cradling in my hands as she speaks.

I felt a twinge of guilt when I asked Bella to meet me at the diner, but I was worried about her reaction.

I thought if we were in a public place, maybe she wouldn't freak out.

I was right; there was no freaking out to be had.

But I didn't expect this absolute lack of emotion either as she sits across the booth from me, her hands clasped in her lap.

A slice of blueberry pie is untouched in front of her, the ice cream slowly melting around the crispy crust.

What a waste.

"Um, I haven't actually figured out what I want to do yet. That's why I wanted to talk to you," I finally reply, unable to understand her lack of reaction.

"Well, I think it sounds like a really good opportunity. Portland isn't that far, so Rose and Emmett will still be able to see you. And you know, you probably don't want to be around here anyway once Alice and Jasper's kid arrives."

Bella just keeps rambling, her words tripping off her tongue as she goes faster and faster.

It's almost as if she realizes, once she stops talking, we'll actually have to deal with the situation.

Tears start to dribble down her cheek and plop onto the forgotten pie as she continues.

"And I knew it was only a matter of time until you got tired of me. You look so good now, and with this new job you'll have plenty of chances to meet someone who is really great. And I think-"

And that's it…I can't take anymore.

I slide out of the vinyl booth and kneel down next to her, the hard linoleum floor digging into my skin, but I don't care.

She looks down at me, those plush lips still blabbering nonsense, trying to convince me that leaving her is the right thing to do.

Her hands are trembling as I pull them from her lap, twining our fingers together, and relaxing when she finally stops talking.

"Bella Swan, you're an idiot."

She shakes her head slightly, as if she is trying to comprehend what I've just said.

I continue without waiting for her to catch up.

"How could you _ever_ think that I would want to be anywhere other than here with you? I thought I made it pretty clear that you were my_ everything_; the chocolate chips in my pancakes, the bubbles in my soda, the skip in my step. Bella…there is no life for me without you. I'm not going anywhere."

Her tears come faster now, and she sniffles, trying to keep the drippy snot from peeking out of her nose.

For some reason, every time we have a deep conversation, boogers appear.

"You mean it?" she whimpers, a hesitant smile spreading across her pale cheeks.

"Jesus fuck, Bella, of course I mean it! I love you."

She jumps out of the booth, tackling me down to the floor as she presses kisses all over my face.

The people around us start cheering, and I look up in time to see the worn white shoes of our waitress appear in front of my face.

"You guys just get engaged or somethin'?"

My eyes fly to Bella's and I can see the hopeful desire hiding in those big brown eyes.

"What do you say, Bella? Will you marry me?" I whisper, suddenly wondering why I hadn't done this weeks earlier.

"To paraphrase you, Edward; Jesus fuck, of course I will!"

**Aw…**

**I'm already working on the next chapter. I'm thinking maybe three-four more chapters are left. I had hoped we would still be going strong with the story in September, for the next 5k…but I'm not going to drag this out just to drag it out So my plan is to do an epi and post it the day of the 5k…September 9****th****. But we still have more time with Fattyward before the end **

**See you soon!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Huge thanks to the Pumpkin and my fabulous Melanie for busting through my errors and seeing the shiny goodness underneath.**

**Melanie's 'Out of the Mouths of Babes' is getting REALLY good. You're reading it…right?**

**The epicness that is 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat' by Bornonhalloween is almost over. One more chapter tomorrow. Yeah…it is like 5672 chapters long, but don't let that stop you from reading…those million words go by in the blink of an eye.**

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><p><strong>Week 60 (we moved ahead again)<strong>

**Starting weight: 363**

**Current weight: 244**

Time is just flying by, scaring me with how fast the days and weeks are passing.

After I told my boss I wasn't going to relocate, even after she begged, I was allowed to keep my position working at home and managed to get a raise out of the deal, too.

I gave up my apartment and moved into Bella's house permanently.

She let me display a _few_ of my favorite action figures.

Now that's love.

Kate had given her two weeks' notice and was safely across town, with no ill will toward Bella at all.

Alice was moving along in her pregnancy, getting bigger by the day, but in the right way.

She was following a pretty strict diet to make sure she was gaining enough weight for the baby but not going overboard.

Everyone at the gym came out for my hundred pound party, where Bella served carrot sticks and celery and that was it.

I was allowed to eat one piece of cake later that night…off her tits.

It was awesome.

But now that things are back to normal, Bella is acting…weird.

She keeps giving me these little looks when she thinks I'm not watching her.

And at night, I can hear her crying.

She tells me she's just tired, but I think it's more.

And I hate not knowing.

To take my mind off the drama, I head out with Jasper to a fancy baby store, Alice's detailed list in hand.

"I'm telling you, Edward, I'm scared shitless."

If Jasper wasn't so serious, I'd be laughing at him right now.

Even though she still has six more weeks to go until she pops, Alice is adamant that they have everything they need _right now_.

Which apparently, includes four cases of organic diapers.

"The kid is just going to shit in them, who cares if they are organic or not? Is shit organic?" Jasper rambles, his hands shaking as he tosses a case of unbleached, lavender-scented wipes on top of the diapers in his cart.

"Jasper, I don't think it matters if shit is organic or not. I think you just need to do what Alice says and stay out of the way. She ah…she's pretty scary," I say, remembering the way she raged when I happened to suggest she relax in the hot tub.

"_Are you trying to have me cook my baby? Do you know the kind of damage long-term exposure to high temperatures can do to a fetus?"_

Needless to say, I was just staying away from Alice for a while.

"So have you and Bella talked about how soon after the wedding you want to pull the goalie?" Jasper asks, glancing up from the breast pump in his hand.

"The what now?" I reply as I try to figure out why a baby needs so much stuff.

"The goalie, you know? The person guarding the box? When are you guys going to try for a kid?" he says with a laugh.

Oh…

After that Bella's pregnant/Bella's not pregnant scare, I have been afraid to share my feelings with her.

She knows that I would have stood by her if she got knocked up, I mean hell, we're engaged now, but the actual discussion has not happened.

Suddenly the thought of a delicate little baby freaks me out.

What if the baby got sick or hurt?

What if Bella realized that I was a loser and took our kid with her when she left my ass?

Overwhelmed with the crazy thoughts going through my brain, I manage to distract Jasper with a display of kid-sized little soccer cleats and as he coos over them, he forgets all about discussing our method of birth control.

*()*()*

I'm distracted by a naked finger.

We're sitting at the kitchen table and Bella is telling me about her day, but all I can see as she waves her hands around, is that naked ring finger of hers.

It's been almost four months since we got engaged and I have yet to get her a ring.

There is no way for anyone to tell she is taken, and she _is_ completely and utterly taken.

I need to remedy this…ASAP.

"Come with me," I say, pushing away from the table so quickly, my chair tumbles to the floor behind me.

Bella laughs as I yank her out of her own chair and drag her behind me out the door.

She's still laughing as I fumble with her seatbelt, only stopping when she bats my hands away.

"I got it," she giggles, easily fitting the two pieces together so she is safely in the vehicle.

Damn naked ring finger has me all flustered.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going at seven at night?" she asks, breaking me out of my ring-induced trance.

I look out the window into the slowly darkening night and realize that there are probably no jewelry stores open this late.

Fuck.

I lean my head down on the steering wheel and try to slow my racing heart.

She will not be snatched up by some other guy just because there is no ring on her finger.

I'm freaking out for nothing.

The rational thoughts are going through my head, but I just can't seem to get my brain on board.

"Edward?" I slowly slide my gaze over to a very confused Bella and realize I better explain myself before she starts thinking about checking me into a nuthouse.

Although that Passages place out in Malibu looks nice.

"You don't have an engagement ring," I rasp, cringing at the fear even I can hear in my voice.

The confusion melts away, leaving sadness and love shining back at me.

"We need to call Dr. Banner," Bella says, reaching into the pocket of her jeans and bringing out her cell phone.

I put my head back down on the steering wheel and listen as Bella somehow finagles us an appointment with the good doctor.

"He's waiting for us now, Edward," Bella soothes, running her hand through the short hairs on my nape.

"I'm such a fuckup," I grunt, dashing away the tears of failure that are on my cheeks as I start the car and head toward Dr. Banner's office.

*()*()*

"Am I always going to be this way? What happens if Bella gets some amazingly good looking guy in to train? What happens if she needs to go to a conference and I can't go with her? What happens…" I ramble, watching as Dr. Banner's eyes get wider and wider as my words continue to spill.

"Edward, slow down. What happened to trust? What happened to honesty? I thought we had left things in a good place, but you're going backwards now," he says kindly.

He allowed Bella and me to sit together on the couch this time, but I can see him eyeing those separate chairs.

"It's all Jasper's fault," I pout, only to be interrupted by the doc's tactfully cleared throat.

"Own your feelings and your response to them," he scolds gently, and I take a deep breath and try again.

"Jasper asked when Bella and I were going to try to have children. And I guess…I guess the thought of having someone else to care for, someone else that could be taken away, scared me and I went into a freak out tailspin."

Once the words are out and I've accepted the feelings, I do feel better.

Bella is looking down at her hands, not saying anything, but Dr. Banner has lots to say.

"First, we need to work on…"

*()*()*

Two hours and a very expensive 'after hours' bill to our insurance later, I guide Bella back to the car.

She didn't say much during the session and although I left feeling more confident about our relationship, her silence is scaring me.

"So, how about we head over to Lloyd George Jewelers tomorrow morning and do something about that ring, yes?" I suggest, trying to lighten the oppressive mood that has suddenly descended on the interior of the car like thick, black smog.

"What did you say to Jasper?" she asks, her voice quiet as she stares out the window.

"Huh?" I reply, eloquent as always.

She turns and looks at me, her eyes cautious and damp.

"When he asked you about kids, what did you say?"

I take a deep breath and think my answer through before speaking, as Dr. Banner suggested.

"I didn't tell him anything. You already know how I feel about kids, Bella. I want them. I want them with you. Thinking about you carrying my child, there is nothing that I want more. But I was worried about what _you_ wanted. Kids are a ton of work, and although my boss is letting me continue to work at home, you don't have that option. I would hate for you to resent me if you had to work fewer hours."

My mouth is a runaway train at this point, and the only thing I can do is hold on and pray that when it finally stops, I won't have made a mess of everything.

"And then of course I start thinking about what would happen if the baby got sick or if _you_ got sick and left me all alone and I just…it scares me, I can't lie. But I think the thought of seeing you holding our child will eventually override the fear. So there ya go," I say, finally taking a deep breath.

When I look up at Bella, her eyes are no longer damp; tears are streaming down her cheeks.

I reach forward and hold her face in my palms, pulling her toward me.

"Bella, I'm sorry I'm such a neurotic, insecure mess," I whimper, hating my weak nature so much at times like this.

"Oh God, Edward…I'm sorry. When it took you so long to think about a ring, I started to worry you didn't want me or kids or any of this. I'm just as bad as you are with the doubts," she cries, crushing my shirt in her fists, holding me close.

"We need to set a date and get a ring and book a chapel or whatever we need to do to get the ball rolling on this. I want you to be mine, in the eyes of God and the law and whoever else makes the rules. I love you, Bella Swan. Forever."

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><p><strong>Aww…<strong>

**So I'm thinking probably two more and an epi…**

**So sad…**


	30. Chapter 30

**I'm sorry…I suck. I don't have WiFi at work right now, so even though Melanie got me the chapter as soon as I sent it…I just couldn't get my shit together. **

**Ready…set…laugh!**

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><p>"Are you sure that's how you measure an inseam?" I squeak, glaring down at the tailor who was currently rolling my balls around in his hand.<p>

"Sure…sure. Been doing this for decades," the little old man says as he runs the tape up my leg.

I close my eyes and just think happy thoughts as he finishes up measuring me for my tux.

Now that Bella's finger is sufficiently sparkly, we've made great strides toward actually getting hitched.

We decided to get married in Emmett and Rose's backyard, with just our close friends in attendance.

Bella had found her dream dress online and it was currently hanging in the back of our closet…tempting me.

But I refused to peek.

I wanted to be surprised when I saw her on our wedding day.

"Okay, all done."

I step off the platform with a sigh, grateful that he's finished manhandling my manbits.

"It'll be ready next week?" I ask, unable to meet Mr. Wandering Hands' eye.

"Yep," he assures me and I beat feet to get the hell out of there.

Now that the wedding is only a week away, I'm finding it ridiculously hard to wait.

I want Bella to be mine right now.

I want the whole world to know it as well.

But patience is a virtue.

Or some shit like that.

*()*()*

"It's not funny! He had his hands all over my poor dick. It may never want to come out and play again!" I shout, ignoring Bella's laughter.

She is a giggling mess on the couch, her hair in a wild frenzy around her face.

She's beautiful.

"Oh, I bet I can get him out of his little shell," she smirks, pushing up off the couch cushion and slinking over toward where I'm sitting on the chair.

"Little shell? Please baby, you know he's epic! But I'm not sure that's a bet you'd win," I tease, hoping maybe she's up for the challenge.

Slowly, she slides the straps of her tank top down and I feel my dick twitch traitorously.

Bastard.

I swallow thickly as the creamy swells of her tits are exposed, my erection now fully engaged and trapped beneath the heavy denim of my jeans.

I close my eyes and think un-sexy thoughts to try and stave off the inevitable.

She will probably make me do the dishes for a week if she gets a rise out of me.

Get it...rise?

Images of Jake in his boxers and that horrible birthing video Jasper forced me to watch with him play behind my closed eyes, but as I feel Bella get closer, everything ceases to exist but her.

Her now-bare tits press against my chest, their cushiony softness making me moan.

The hot puff of her breath against my ear has me shifting in the chair, my cock now so hard, it's throbbing.

"Do you remember the first time we made love? I was so tight and wet for you, so hungry for your cock to fill me up. What about the first time I took you in my mouth? The way my lips pressed against the moisture that leaked out of your slit? You get me so hot," she growls softly in my ear, her tongue flicking my lobe repeatedly.

My head rocks back against the chair, my hands grasping tightly to the wooden arms as I come in my pants.

Bella's quiet giggle breaks through my post-orgasm haze and the wetness in my pants is suddenly overwhelmingly apparent.

Holy shit.

"I came in my pants," I grunt, making Bella laugh even harder.

"You _so_ did. Now…I believe you owe me something since I managed to prove your fabulous man junk is still in working order. I will take my prize in the form of multiple orgasms," she says seriously, pushing off my chest and running toward the bedroom.

It takes me only a second to be right on her tail.

Literally.

*()*()*

Arriving home from a late workout, my key slips soundlessly into the lock, but the house is far from silent.

I can hear Bella sobbing as soon as I open the door.

Dropping the keys, I run down the hall and skid to a stop right outside our bedroom.

Bella is sitting amidst a pile of tissues and pillows on our bed.

Her eyes are red and her cheeks are wet from tears.

There may also be some snot involved.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I gasp, covering the space between the door and bed in two strides and pulling her into my arms.

"I've got no one to walk me down the aisle!" she cries, burying her messy face in my chest.

I pat her back awkwardly as I try and figure out what the hell she's talking about.

I look over her shoulder at the bridal magazines she has spread all over the bed and realize every page is open to the bride and her father walking down the aisle.

And then it finally sinks in.

Her father is dead.

So is mine.

She has no one to walk her down the aisle.

Fuck.

Wrapping her tightly in my arms, I lift her up and spin us around so I'm sitting on the bed and she's in my lap.

"We'll figure something out," I whisper, hating that I didn't realize this sooner.

"I'm sorry," she sighs, letting out a shuddering breath as she wipes her face on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. I expected a few Bridezilla moments," I tease, finally releasing the rest of my tension as she giggles.

Once she is calm, I let her go so she can clean up the million glossy pages that are still on the bed, while I head into the kitchen to make a very important phone call.

"Hey, Jake?"

*()*()*

"Dude…you cried like a baby!" Jake teases, slapping me on the back with one hand and shoving a beer into my palm with the other.

"Did you _see_ how amazing she looks? I mean...she was breathtaking. And she's mine! How could I not shed a few tears?" I ask, looking across Emmett's crowded yard to where my wife is surrounded by people who love her.

Jake did a fabulous job walking Bella down the aisle to me.

He held her back when she wanted to run to me and held her up when her feet faltered.

And then, he slipped her little hand into mine and everything else disappeared.

I don't remember much of the ceremony; I was too busy memorizing her face.

The joy and excitement.

The pride and desire.

The love.

All for me.

Now the party has really started and Bella is just too far away.

"Excuse me, but I think I need to go snuggle my wife a bit," I tease, elbowing Jake in the side as I wander over to Bella.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen," I sigh, pulling her into my arms without apologizing to the people around her for the interruption.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen," she giggles, pressing her lips against my throat.

Ignoring the laughter around us, I pull her out on to the makeshift dance floor, spinning her around.

"You have made me so happy," I whisper into her ear, feeling moisture on my skin as her tears start again.

All she does is cry these days, but at least they're happy tears.

"I love you…so much," she whimpers, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

"So when do you think we can pull the goalie?" I joke, feeling her chest rumble with laughter.

"Well…I think we might have already scored a goal," she breathes, taking my earlobe between her teeth. "I'm late."

My feet suddenly freeze in the middle of the dance floor, my brain unable to keep my body moving as I process her words.

Pushing her back slightly, I stoop down so we're eye to eye.

"You're late…as in…pregnant?" I whisper, watching as she nods her head.

"About a week late. It could just be the stress from the wedding, but I'm also really tired and things smell funny and…yeah. I think I'm pregnant," she says, smiling widely.

"Holy shit. I'm pretty sure this is the best day of my entire life," I breathe, burying my face in her hair to hide my tears.

I just married my best friend and was told I was gonna be a daddy.

What a day.

* * *

><p><strong>Um…two more.<strong>

**So sad.**

**I am still working on Bella's journal, which is 'Recovering Fatty'. I will finish that as well before I call it a day in my fic career!**

**Remember…the second Fatty 5K will be Sunday September 9****th****. Less than a month now to get ready for it. We will be done with the story by then, but I still want you all to participate in it. I'll be scaling down the prizes, even though I had a generous donation (****Simplynothingtosay…I'm looking at you) it was still overwhelming to send out prizes to everyone. But don't worry…I'll come up with something ;)**

**See you soon!**


	31. Chapter 31

**The Pumpkin took some time between watching Rob's prostate exam (Cosmopolis apparently was FULL of grunting) to look this over.**

**Melanie added the words that made this chapter all that and then some.  
><strong>

**Enjoy...**

* * *

><p>"Bella, please come out of there," I whimper as I kneel down in front of the bathroom door.<p>

It turns out Bella wasn't pregnant.

It was just the stress of the wedding that had messed with her cycle.

And now, eight months later, we had still yet to conceive.

Every month was the same thing.

Me sitting outside the closed bathroom door, listening as she sobbed and slammed feminine products around the little room.

She shut me out.

She hid her pain from me.

Sex was no longer fun.

It was a requirement.

She would just lay there as my body undulated above her, her lips moving in a silent prayer as I did my job and delivered my seed.

I'd become a glorified gardener.

And I hated it.

*()*()*

"Are you sure you want to go?"

Bella looks over at me with puffy, bloodshot eyes and nods.

"Of course I want to go. Just because all of our friends have babies and we don't, doesn't mean anything," she mumbles as she struggles to buckle her seatbelt.

I stifle my frustrated sigh and head off toward Alice and Jasper's house, dreading the hours I'll have to spend watching my wife coo and snuggle the little toddlers.

And then come home and cry herself to sleep.

"Are things any better?" Rose whispers as she corners me in the hallway.

The hug she gave Bella was long and gentle, as if she worried my girl might shatter.

I feel the same way.

"No. I keep telling her that it can take a while for these things. I mean, her poor body went through a lot when she was losing weight. She thinks I blame her," I admit, feeling the words flay my skin.

I don't blame her.

If anything, I blame myself.

All those years of being so heavy and wearing tighty whities might have cooked all my sperm. o~ o~

"You know how long Emmett and I struggled to get pregnant. You need to try and take her mind off of it. I'm telling you, once I put the failure out of my mind, that was when it happened for us," she assures me, bending down to pick up her daughter, my niece, when she wobbles over on unsteady legs.

"How's my little Ella?" I coo, my heart thumping wildly as her big blue eyes look up at me.

I want to hold a piece of myself in my arms so badly I can taste it.

*()*()*

Two weeks later, I ignore Bella's sighs and complaints and whisk us away from the stress and mundane tasks of our lives.

I refuse to tell her where I'm taking her.

I even packed our bags myself.

And I _hate_ to pack.

But I want Bella to be as relaxed as possible.

We need to get back to _us._

*()*()*

"Edward, this is…"

Bella can't even finish, she's so choked up.

I really outdid myself.

I found the perfect cabin in the woods, right at the edge of a lake.

I called ahead to the caretaker and had him fill it with flowers, candles and the best wine and food.

I packed only her exercise clothes and lingerie.

This weekend will be about getting back to Bella and Edward: soul mates, not Bella and Edward: baby making machines.

I only hope it will work.

*()*()*

"I want you to dance for me," I whisper, reaching deep inside myself to harness the inner 'confident lover' I know is lurking there.

I'm sitting in the corner, my ankle crossed casually over my knee as I wait for her to get over her shyness.

We had a nice dinner and a few too many glasses of wine.

Now, I want to take her out of her head and put her into my _hopefully_ capable hands.

I watch as she struggles to pull her t-shirt over her head, her hands automatically moving to shield herself.

She dealt with the stress of not getting pregnant by eating.

Her hips are fuller.

Her breasts are voluptuous.

To me, she is a goddess.

"Drop them," I order, trying to ignore the slight tremor in my voice.

She hesitates for only a moment before lowering her arms.

My pants are uncomfortably tight as she starts to sway to the music.

I can tell the moment she lets herself go.

She isn't thinking about how her belly looks or if her ass is too big or if tonight will finally be the night we get pregnant.

She's just dancing for me.

As the music fades away to silence, her panting breaths and my raspy inhalations are the only sounds.

"Go sit on the bed."

My voice is so deep it distorts and I can see how it affects Bella by he way her nipples pucker.

She obeys my command, sitting her ass on the edge of the mattress.

"Spread your thighs," I demand.

Slowly, too slowly, she slides her legs apart, showing me just how much her striptease aroused her.

"Fuck, you're wet." The words slip through my lips without my permission, but the way she moans and rolls her hips tells me how much she needs to hear my thoughts.

"You're so hot, spread out for me. You got me so fucking hard, you naughty girl," I scold, standing and palming my cock through my jeans.

I walk over to her, watching goose bumps spread down her arms.

The back of my fingers glide down the slope of her breast and I take her nipple between my fingers, making her writhe with the sensation.

"Undress me," I whisper, stepping back so she can stand up and do as I've commanded.

Her hands shake as she peels the shirt from my chest and the jeans from my hips.

The warmth of her fingers nearly pushes me over the edge, but thanks to all of the baby-making sex, my stamina has improved.

I refuse to come in my pants tonight.

"I want you to suck me," I rasp, fighting against my nature as I order her to do something that will only bring me pleasure.

But, as I watch her eagerly fall to her knees and take my throbbing cock between her luscious lips, I can see how much she is enjoying it as well.

There is no need for her to over think things.

I'm in charge.

I'll keep her safe.

And she can relish in the freedom.

I look down at my wife as she slurps and sucks my cock, her dark hair spread over her shoulders.

The sounds and sights are overwhelming and before I'm ready for it to be over…

"Coming!"

It's over.

Bella sits back on her heels with a very self-satisfied look on her face as I brace my hand against the wall behind me and catch my breath.

"Get your ass on that bed. I'm ready for my dessert," I breathe, watching as she pushes to her feet and all but lunges for the bed.

My girl likes my skills, what can I say?

*()*()*

"I'm so glad you did this."

I press my lips to the top of Bella's head as she sits snuggled in my lap.

It's our last day at the cabin, and we're sitting on the porch wrapped up in blankets as the morning chill comes in off the lake.

The sun peeks through the clouds making the water look like it's covered in millions of shimmering diamonds.

I don't think I've ever been happier.

"I love you. I'd do anything for you," I whisper, loosening my hold so she can turn and look up at me.

"I know that, Edward. That's what makes you such an amazing man. It's not your how much you weigh or how much you make; it's that you love with your whole heart. I can't imagine not being able to allow a child to experience that love," she says as she starts to cry.

"It'll happen, baby. I swear."

*()*()*

"I wish we were back at the cabin," I pout as Bella giggles next to me.

In the months since we returned from our vacation, everything has changed.

Bella took a good, hard look at herself and realized she had been focusing on getting pregnant instead of enjoying our life.

So, she is back on her exercise plan, and has decided that we both need to be more flexible.

Which is why I am currently stuffed into tights and a tank top, attempting to do yoga.

"Close your eyes and think happy thoughts," she soothes as she maneuvers my body into a better downward facing dog.

"Oh, the things I could do to you in this position. _That_ is my happy thought," I tease, wiggling my hips as much as I can without falling over.

"Is sex all you ever think about?" she laughs, already knowing the answer to that one.

"When you're standing in front of me in that little yogatard…duh," I reply, loving that we're back to our easy banter.

"You're lucky I love you," she sighs as she allows me to finish the sun salutation and return back to mountain pose.

As I open my eyes and see her standing in front of me, I realize she is right.

I'm the luckiest man alive because she loves me.

* * *

><p><strong>Last regular chapter.<strong>

**I know...most of you are gonna be pissed I took back the baby, but I've always tried to keep this story as 'real' as possible. And sometimes its not that easy to get knocked up.  
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**'Recovering Fatty' updated last night and will update again later today. I WILL finish that!  
><strong>

**Sparklinghaledcullen has started to translate Fatty into Spanish, for those readers who would like to read it in their native language.  
><strong>

**www . fanfiction s/8454939/1/**

**Two weeks until the Fatty 5k! tickledpinkstamper has GENEROUSLY donated a beautiful frilly knitted scarf and the fabulous Bornonhalloween has donated a SIGNED copy of 'Once upon a Temptation' toward our prizes! I'm working on handmade chapstick in a cute crocheted key holder and a Bella hat as prizes as well. I'm thinking top three overall will get a 'real' prize and top in each age group can command me to write anything they want. Sound good?  
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**So I'll see you really soon for the Recovering Fatty update and kinda soon for the last chapter of this.  
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**Love you!  
><strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**Oh…Mah…Gawd. I'm tearing up as I write this. The last chapter of Fatty. **

**I never imagined that this would be so big when I first started writing it. I mean…I hit 4K reviews last chapter. Seriously. I'm awed and honored that you all have been with me through this. I hope this last chapter does the story justice.**

**The Pumpkin made me blush with her amazing praise. **

**Melanie busted through this chapter during her weekend of hell. I scared her…so be prepared.**

**Okay…here we go.**

* * *

><p><strong>A year (and twenty-five pounds) later<strong>

"Daddy loves you," I whisper to Bella's swollen belly, kissing the bulge and then her lips before I walk out the door.

I finally managed to knock my girl up.

It took some time, and a whole lotta semen, but now we're counting down the weeks until our little squirt makes his or her appearance.

The first few weeks of her pregnancy were the easiest.

Bella read every baby book known to man.

Coffee was outlawed in our house.

But even with the lack of caffeine, everything was perfect.

Then…she hit the second trimester.

"Everything looks good, Mrs. Cullen. You gained four pounds this week."

I'll never forget the look of devastation on Bella's face when the nurse made that announcement.

"I'm a cow!" she cried, burying her face in the paper-covered pillow.

Our doctor reassured her that her weight gain was normal, but those slowly creeping pounds and her out-of-control hormones made it feel like I was on a tilt-a-whirl.

I never knew which side was up or what might piss her off.

I wanted to be able to take time off after the baby was born, which meant I had to actually go into the office some days, instead of working from home.

Each day, as I gathered my briefcase and lunch, Bella would straighten my tie, kiss my cheek and threaten me.

"If I catch you looking at another woman, I'll cut your balls off."

"If you think about sleeping with anyone else, I'll pull every one of your leg hairs out."

"If you so much as wink at the check-out girl or make googly eyes at Kate Hudson's picture on Us Weekly, I will gut you like a fish."

Needless to say, I was scared shitless.

I would _never_ cheat on my wife.

I love Bella more than words can express.

But the crazy train had left the building…and Bella held the tiny remote control in her slightly pudgy hands.

*()*()*

"These are the latest numbers from Omni. They are really impressed with your work, Edward."

I smile a little at the pride in Renee's voice as she leans over my shoulder, her bright red nails pointing at the spreadsheet on my desk.

I've done a great job and I can't wait to tell Bella the company has decided to give me two months of paid leave to use once the baby is born.

"Edward?"

I look up toward the open office door and smile wider when I see Bella standing there.

She looks radiant.

Her skin is glowing and her hair is wild around her face.

My eyes are drawn to her belly and then, her amazing tits.

Those things have gotten _huge_.

"Bella!"

Her eyes swing from Renee, who is standing behind me and finally meet mine.

"I brought you some lunch," she says softly, with a hint of anger in her tone.

Oh shit.

I stand up quick and sprint over; pulling her into my arms, so I can distract her with my kisses.

Thankfully, my tactic works.

By the time I lift my lips from hers, she is mush.

"I love you," I whisper, hearing Renee sigh dreamily behind me.

"You two are so cute!" she squeals as she walks past us and out the door. "Make sure you tell her the good news."

"What good news?" Bella asks, cocking her eyebrow in a way that makes my balls tingle in fear.

"I'll get to be home with you and the baby for two months," I explain, swallowing hard as I wait for her response.

"That's amazing! You'll be able to take the night shift so I can sleep!" she announces as she throws her arms around my neck.

Awesome.

*()*()*

I'm standing inside my closet, hands on my hips, staring at my clothes.

Nothing fits.

I went to get dressed this morning and none of my pants would button.

Holy shit.

I bend down and dig out our scale.

Bella made me hide it after she hit 175 pounds.

Which meant I wasn't paying attention to how much I weighed either.

We were so damn busy getting the house ready for the baby and making sure the gym was covered for when Bella went on maternity leave.

Dinners were take out or microwave shit.

I couldn't remember the last time we had a vegetable in the house.

And now, looking down as the numbers flashed and calibrated on the scale, I realized just how important those vegetables were.

265

Holy _shit._

I've put on twenty-five pounds.

I jump off the scale and run to the bathroom, ripping my shirt off over my head and taking a good, hard look at myself in the mirror.

How did I let this happen?

*()*()*

"Dude, calm down. It's called sympathy weight. I gained ten pounds when Rose was pregnant," Emmett says as he shovels down a forkful of cheese fries.

My salad looks unappealing next to his feeding trough of fried foods.

"I _lost_ four pounds when Alice was pregnant, but that's because she was such a freak about caloric intake and fiber and worrying that the baby would be born with a double chin," Jasper sighs, shaking his head as if remembering those months of torture.

"It just scares me how quick my weight crept up. I mean, one day I'm fine and the next…buttons flying everywhere when I sit down," I grump, stabbing at the tomato in my bowl.

"You just need to get back on track. Go to the gym once Bella has gone to bed. Order a salad when you call out for pizza. Ignore the pints of ice cream in the freezer. You did it once, Edward. You can do it again," Emmett reassures me with a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I know he's right…but that ice cream is really hard to resist.

*()*()*

"Why won't you have sex with me? Is it because I'm such a fucking cow? Is it the stretch marks? Is it that time I farted? Because I didn't eat any nachos today, so we should be in the clear," Bella whines as she kneels on the bed next to me.

How am I supposed to tell her that I don't feel good about my body and that's why I've been avoiding making love with her?

"Baby, please," she whispers, slipping her hand beneath the leg of my boxers.

Shit…when she aims those puppy dog eyes at me and says please, I can't say no.

I lay back and let her do what she wants with me, watching with anxious eyes as she strips the clothes from my body.

My breath catches as I see the obvious desire in her eyes as she runs her hands over my slightly thicker waist and my not-so lean thighs.

I know my attraction and need for her is still just as strong, even though her body has changed.

Sure, it's hot as fuck knowing she's growing my child inside her.

But why would I think she would feel any different because I'm not as svelte as I once was?

She loves me, not the number on the scale.

As that epiphany rolls around in my head, I reach for her.

My hands slide over the fullness of her belly, making her arch and moan.

Her nipples are super sensitive, and I nip and suck on them, making her come from that alone.

By the time she sits astride my hips and takes me inside her, most of my self-loathing has disappeared.

And when she comes, her body shaking above me as she screams my name, I feel like myself again.

A slightly fatter version…but myself none the less.

*()*()*

"I'm sorry, sir. We need to take her now. The baby is in distress," the nurse says quickly as alarms holler.

I'm pushed aside as the room erupts in chaos.

Bella's water broke at three in the morning, a week before her due date.

We made it to the hospital before her contractions started.

Calls were made to people we love as we walked up and down the halls, waiting for labor to get started.

But it didn't.

Bella wept as they hooked her IV line up to the bag of Pitocin.

She felt like a failure.

I soothed her the best I could.

It didn't matter _how_ our child was born.

Now…hours later, Bell's panicked face is the last thing I see before the operating room doors slam shut.

"We're going to have to put her under. One of the nurses will come get you," the doctor says as he rushes through the doors and disappears.

What the fuck just happened?

I slide down the wall and sit there in the middle of the hallway.

My entire life is on the line.

My wife.

My child.

Everything.

And I'm sitting out here, helpless.

Waiting.

*()*()*

The nurse's face is half-hidden behind a paper mask as she stands in front of me.

It's felt like hours have passed since they took Bella into surgery, but as I look at the clock on the wall, I see it's only been forty minutes.

"My wife?" I rasp and the sadness in her eyes makes it clear there's no news yet.

"Come meet your daughter," she says, holding her hand out for me to take.

The tears fall as I follow her down the hall and stand with my hand pressed up against the nursery window.

**Baby Girl Cullen**

She's wrapped up in a pink blanket, a white and pink striped hat covering her head.

The plastic bassinet she is lying in is a terrible substitute for her mother's arms.

And as my daughter starts to wail inside the warm room, I fall to my knees and sob just as hard outside.

*()*()*

"But Bella wanted to breastfeed," I tell the nurse as she hands me a tiny bottle.

Wide blue eyes look up at me from beneath a mess of dark brown hair.

"Your daughter needs you right now, Mr. Cullen," she says softly, helping me feed my child for the first time.

Our family is standing on the other side of the glass, watching with red-rimmed eyes as I slowly rock back and forth with the baby in my arms.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

*()*()*

"Do you understand everything I've explained to you?" the doctor asks kindly, handing me a bunch of papers.

I close my eyes and nod, knowing how hard the next few minutes will be.

"And you're sure you want to be the one…" he starts to ask yet again, but I interrupt him.

"I'm sure."

*()*()*

The door swings open soundlessly.

My heart is racing and my hands are sweating.

I feel like I'm about to puke.

"Bella?" I croak, tears springing to my eyes as I see her lying on the big hospital bed.

There are lines and tubes attached to her, running to a million different bags and machines.

Yet she still turns her head and smiles at me.

"Hi. Where's the baby?" she rasps, her voice hoarse from being intubated.

"They have her in the nursery. Emmett and Rose are there with her," I tell her, closing the distance between us and kneeling down next to the bed.

"Her? We had a girl?" she whispers, closing her eyes, forcing tears to trail down her cheek.

I nod as I press my face into her side and gently wrap my arms around her.

"Oh baby," she whispers, running her fingers through my hair.

"I love you…so much," I whimper, the stress and fear of the last few hours finally releasing in a mess of tears.

Pulling away, I take a deep breath and wipe my face.

"When the baby's heart rate crashed, they had to go in quick and get her. And when they were in there, they nicked an artery that supplied blood to your uterus. It got to the point that it was either they save you or…" I close my eyes and ready myself to tell her the rest.

"They did a hysterectomy, didn't they?" she says softly and I nod my head.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know you wanted more kids, but we can always adopt," I ramble, reaching for her face and holding it gently in my palms. "The most important thing is that you're here with us."

The door opens behind me and I can tell by the sound of the squeaky wheels, they're bringing the baby in.

I stand up and move over to the plastic bassinet, carefully picking up our daughter and placing her in her mother's arms for the first time.

Bella's fingers sift through the blankets, looking at the tiny toes and little arms hidden beneath.

"She looks just like you, Edward," Bella whispers, pulling the striped hat off and stroking her baby-fine hair.

"What are we going to name her?" I ask, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at my two favorite girls.

"What about…Faith? Faith Elizabeth," she says, looking up at me with a tearful smile.

"You can never have enough faith," I reply, pressing my lips to Bella's forehead and then Faith's.

With my girls safe in my arms, I relax for a moment.

Looking down at Bella, I'm awed that this beautiful creature is mine.

Even after hours of intense labor and then major surgery, she is breathtaking.

Faith squeaks, drawing my gaze down to her perfect bow-shaped mouth and sweet little nose, tufts of dark hair floating around her face.

I feel my stomach tighten as I realize my little girl will one day grow up.

And if she looks anything like her mother…

Well…I better get a shotgun ASAP.

* * *

><p><strong>So…that is it. <strong>

**The last chapter. **

**I'm going to work on a little outtake to post next Sunday in honor of the 5k. Please remember that there are some amazing prizes up for grabs.**

**I'll save my slobbering kisses to you all for the outtake.**

**Until then...remember I love you!**


	33. Chapter 33: Epilogue

**Here we go…**

**My snot sobbing is at the end…**

* * *

><p><strong>Three Years (and ten pounds) Later<strong>

"Bella! You need to come here and deal with this!"

I'm standing…well, cowering really, inside the shower.

Faith is sitting on the toilet, right on the other side of the curtain, and she refuses to leave until she can see my 'junk.'

I'm going to kill Jasper.

His son, William is three years older than my sweet, innocent little Faith.

It's not his job to teach my girl about the birds and the bees.

Or apparently the peen and the beav.

"But Will says girls have beavs and boys have peens. I just wanna see it," she whines, trying to pull the curtain away with her freakishly strong little hands.

"BELLA!"

"Jesus, Edward. It's normal for her to be curious. Just wait until she starts sporting a bush and wonders why I don't have one. Try explaining a Brazilian wax to a kid," Bella whisper-yells as she escorts Faith out of the bathroom with the promise of oatmeal cookies.

I release my death grip on the curtain and put my head under the warm water, trying to remember when exactly my life got so crazy.

And so full of love.

*()*()*

"Is it time? It's time, right?" Faith asks, bouncing on the couch next to me.

"We have twenty more minutes until they get here," I sigh, trying to stay calm.

Someone needs to stay calm.

After Faith was born, Bella put on a good show about not having any more children…but I knew it was just an act.

She would sit in the nursery, rocking Faith and crying.

My heart would break watching her grieve for our lost opportunities.

But a closed door is just an open window somewhere else.

And our window opened up in Maine.

While attending a seminar in Bangor a month ago, Bella was walking from the conference center to her hotel when she discovered a young girl sleeping in an alley.

Her name was Sara.

Bella, being Bella, brought the girl back to her hotel and forced her into the shower while she ordered room service.

It was then, as Sara came out of the steamy bathroom in just a towel, Bella realized Sara was pregnant.

Over a bowl of tomato soup, Bella listened to the girl's tearful tale.

Tissues littered the table as both of them cried over lost innocence.

And after she tucked the girl between her sheets, she called me, crying.

"We have to help her."

Of course we did.

"What do you want to do?" I'd asked, visions of a cross-country kidnapping flashing through my head.

"She said she's due any day now. She…she doesn't want the baby. She wants us to take it," Bella whispered, her voice so full of hope, yet trembling with fear.

I knew exactly how she felt.

The thought of being given such a gift was amazing.

But what happened if she changed her mind?

It was better if we didn't get our hopes up.

"Bella…" I warned, keeping my voice tender yet firm.

"I know. I just…she feels right to me. This feels right. I was meant to find her," she said and I could hear her tears through the phone.

I took a deep breath, realizing that was the exact same way I felt about Bella.

I was meant to find her.

She was destined to be in my life.

And apparently, so was this girl.

*()*()*

The night Bella called to tell me Sara was in labor was torture.

She was so scared, not only for Sara, but for us as well.

I wasn't sure what would happen if Sara changed her mind.

Bella would be heartbroken.

I'd been cautious about telling Faith too much about where her mom was.

Bella and I could get over the loss of a potential child much easier than Faith could.

She wanted a little brother or sister so badly.

"It's a boy."

Hours later, when the phone rang and Bella's quiet, tearful word came through the line; I was at once overjoyed and devastated.

"She wants to keep him, doesn't she?" I asked, trying to keep my tone even.

"Yeah," Bella whispered, her voice cracking.

My arms ached to hold her, but she was halfway across the country.

"Baby," I sighed, listening to her cry.

"I wanted this…so bad," she sobbed.

"Do you want us to come to you? We can be on the next flight," I offered, knowing she would say no, but needing her to know we'd be there in a minute if she said the word.

"No. I don't want Faith to see me like this," she whimpered, breaking my heart.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you. I'm gonna go make sure Sara is all settled before I head back to the hotel. I can't stay. I just…I can't see him," she whispered and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

But Bella never went back to her hotel.

She stayed by Sara's side through the first diaper changes and midnight feedings.

Two days later, when Sara and the baby were discharged, Bella took them back to the hotel she was staying at until she could find them a permanent place to live.

It was costing us a fortune, between the hotel and hospital bills for Sara and the baby…but it was worth it.

*()*()*

The front door slams open and Faith jumps off my lap, taking off down the hall.

I follow at a slightly slower pace.

Bella stands just inside the door, a blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms.

Faith throws herself at Bella, knocking her off balance, but Bella just laughs and bends over, showing Faith her new brother.

I smile when I see Sara standing in the doorway, no longer able to hide behind Bella's body.

She looks so much younger than seventeen.

And the fear in her eyes hurts my heart.

Bella convinced her to bring the baby and come live with us.

How she managed to travel from Maine to Washington with a post-partum teenager and a newborn, I'll never know.

The only thing that matters is that they are both here and they're safe.

And I can once again hold Bella in my arms.

*()*()*

I set up Faith's old crib in the spare room, s Sara could have the baby with her.

Once everyone is settled and asleep, I can finally crawl into bed with Bella.

She snuggles against me, her cheeks wet.

"I was so happy when she agreed to come home with us," Bella sighs, her arms tightening around me.

I kiss her head, breathing in her comforting scent and smile.

"She'll be happy here. They both will."

*()*()*

With the stress of the last month, I've developed a nasty habit.

Midnight snacking.

Which is how I find myself alone with Sara in the kitchen at three in the morning.

"Oh, hey," I say lamely, trying not be too sad when she flinches at the sound of my voice.

"I'm sorry. I was just…I wanted…I'll go," she whispers, trying to scoot past me.

"No wait! I wanted to tell you how happy I am that you decided to come live with us. I know this is a big adjustment, but I hope in time you'll be comfortable here," I ramble, my palms sweating.

"You're a …you're a really big guy," she says quietly and I smile my self-deprecating smile.

"You should have seen me before Bella got her hands on me. I was an epic fatty!" I joke, knowing that Bella would have my head if she heard me put myself down like this.

Sara cracks a small smile and looks me up and down.

"So, she helped you lose weight?" she questions shyly and I take a minute to think about how to answer her.

"She helped me find the happy, healthy me inside my old body. I'm still not at an 'ideal weight' but I'm happy in my own skin now," I say, realizing my words were perfect.

That is exactly how I feel.

Sara walks over to me, her steps hesitant, and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest.

"She makes me feel that way, too," she whispers before she releases me and walks back upstairs.

I'm left standing alone in the kitchen, shaken to my core.

After all that she's been through, she is still able to see the good in people.

And we are _so_ good for that girl.

*()*()*

"Now you're sure you have everything? Your lunch money? I could pack you a lunch if you'd rather do that," I ramble, my hands shaking at the thought of watching her disappear into the big, yellow school bus.

"Edward, calm down. I've got this," Sara sighs, sounding so much like Bella it's scary.

Although we told her she could finish high school online, she really wanted to go to school.

And today is her first day.

"Now you be good for daddy, you hear me?" Sara whispers to Aiden as she covers him with kisses.

Even though Sara couldn't stand to give him up, she knew she couldn't provide him with the kind of life he deserved.

So we did the next best thing…

We took them both.

Sara will get the chance at a future she would have never had otherwise.

And in turn, she shared her child with us so our family could be complete.

"Have fun. And do not, I repeat…do not talk to any boys," I growl, accepting Aiden's slight weight from her so she can grab her book bag.

"I won't! Hemorrhoids and stretch marks were enough of a deterrent to stay away from anything with a penis!" she giggles, smacking me on the arm as she heads out to meet the bus.

God, I love that kid.

Once Sara is safely off to school, I walk back inside with Aiden sleeping soundly on my chest.

Bella and Faith are still asleep, snuggled together in our big bed.

I look down at them and try to remember what it felt like to be alone and unhappy in my shitty little apartment.

I can't.

Bella wriggles around, trying to get away from Faith's freezing cold feet and looks up at me.

Her smile is contagious.

"Sara get off okay?" she whispers, trying not to wake either kid.

I nod as I sit down next to her, smoothing Faith's hair off her forehead with my free hand.

"We really have to think about putting a daycare in the gym," Bella sighs, poking her finger into my squishy belly.

"Rude," I snap, smacking her hand away.

Her laughter is music to my ears.

I've gained some weight.

I've lost some muscle.

I may always be a fatty.

But I'm happy, healthy and surrounded by people I love.

And in the end…that's all that matters.

**And that's it.**

**There is so much of me and my own experiences in this story…it's hard to believe that I actually wrote all that pain down! Seriously…you guys pretty much know me and all my secrets now. I'm actually a 363 pound man…no…I'm not. I'm just trying to make you laugh **

**The people that shared their stories through reviews and in the facebook group…I can't thank you enough for being so brave. Keep up the good work.**

**The generous readers who donated prizes and $$ for the race…I'm awed and inspired by your thoughtfulness.**

**SexyLexi…who started on this trip with me until I was too fail to get the chapter to her…thank you for forcing me to fix my cum to come and add commas where they belong.**

**Bornonhalloween…who made me giggle and cringe at the same time with some of the errors she found. Her praise made me blush and wish I could hug her. My heart is yours.**

**My Melanie, my soul, I know you worried about this story. You were afraid of how I would portray the 'fatty'. I told you I was a recovering fatty myself and would do the story justice. I can only hope I did. I love you…you know that. **

**Now…go read 'Recovering Fatty'…I added a little futuretake to the last chapter **

**Make sure you send me your race times and age (age group if you'd rather) so I can figure out the winners! I'll be sure to contact you! I'm hoping to be able to join you in the run. I broke two toes tripping over a kid on Friday and damn...do they hurt. Poor little fuckers...and there's nothing you can do for broken toes except tape them up :(  
><strong>

**Thank you…**

**Mwah!**


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